


Captor Tech Support

by TheMissluluB



Series: Log Of Pesterlogs [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Captor Tech Support, Everyone will be in this fic, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Pesterlog, Pictures embedded in text, Post Sburb/Sgrub AU, Relationships mentioned but not technically relevant, Swearing, The snarkiest tech support people on the planet, This fic has been Basically Reformatted and Edited!!!!, Why does this have a plot, gifs, if you want me to tag them though i will, mituna's reaction images, will tag characters as they appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-30 01:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 34,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8514319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMissluluB/pseuds/TheMissluluB
Summary: Captor Tech Support - Rated 4.8 stars.Customer Reviews:"A Really Helpful And Very Friendly Service 5 Stars""9ne 9f them sent me a virus... 6ut I learnt h9w t9 zip a file s9 I rate them 4 stars." Alternate Title: The Captors open a Tech Support Business.





	1. Chapter 1 - The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> [EDIT 18/04/18: I HAVE REFORMATTED AND REWROTE CAPTOR TECH SUPPORT!!! Feel free to read it again for new, bonus content! And better readability!!! I hope you enjoy the New And Improved Tech Support That We Provide Here at TheMissluluB Studios!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: Because everyone is literally TA, I have edited Trollian's show up so during pesterlog you know who is who. This has been sorted out in relative terms of age:  
> Beta Ancestor = [HANDLE]1  
> Alpha Ancestor = [HANDLE]2  
> Alpha troll = [HANDLE]3  
> Beta troll = [HANDLE]4  
> In practice, this will show as;  
> TA1 = Psiioniic; TA2 = Beforus Sollux (Piilot); TA3 = Mituna; and TA4 = Sollux. (Example)
> 
> The human's handles have a similar format: 
> 
> Beta Humans: [handle1]  
> Alpha humans: [handle2]
> 
> Exceptions are GT and EB, who really only have one instance of this, and therefore will be labled as '[handle]1'. 
> 
> This is related to ['Ancestors: Meet Your Dancestors'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7592602), in that this occurs soon afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr!
> 
> I'm [littleladylulub](https://littleladylulub.tumblr.com) (And also Art Blog: [dammekspizza](https://dammekspizza.tumblr.com/))
> 
> I hope this cheers people up.

grievanceAbettor [GA1] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA1: HELL0, WELC0ME TW0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT. H0W MAY II DIIRECT Y0UR REQUE5T.   
GA1: Psiio+niic, I Have No+ Idea What I Have Do+ne.   
TA1: 0H DEAR G0D.   
TA1: 0K R05A, LET’5 5TART WIITH BA5IIC5. WHAT’5 HAPPENED.   
GA1: My Screen Is Co+mpletely Black.   
TA1: ...  
TA1: HAVE Y0U TRIIED 5WIITCHIING IIT 0N.   
GA1: Ho+w Do+ I Do+ That?   
TA1: ...  
TA1: WE ARE REDIIRECTIING Y0UR CALL.   
GA1: What?   
TA1: PLEA5E H0LD.   
GA1: Psiio+niic!   
GA1: 0+h, He’s Go+ne... 

* * *

terminatedAncipital [TA1] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA1: 0H MY G0D. 50ME0NE, PLEA5E 5AVE ME FR0M THII5 H0RR0R.   
TA2: wh4t’2 h4ppened??   
TA4: ii2 iit 2eriiou2?   
TA1: II HAVE A FEELIING THAT R05A D0E5N’T KN0W H0W T0 SWIITCH HER C0MPUTER 0N.   
TA4:   
TA4: nope.   
TA4: ii’m 2orry but thii2 ii2 a problem you’re gonna have two deal wiith on your own.  
TA4: ii’m out.   
TA1: A55H0LE.  
TA3: 1’M 8U5Y  
TA3: FCUK 0FF  
TA1: Y0U ARE N0T. Y0U’RE PLAYIING MARII0 KART.   
TA1: II’M LIITERALLY WATCHIING Y0U PLAY IIT RIIGHT N0W.   
TA3: ...  
TA3: 1’M 53771NG 4 N3W R3C0RD.   
TA3: 50 FUCK 0FFTH!!   
TA1: ...  
TA1: II’LL ALL0W IIT. BARELY.  
TA1: WHAT’5 Y0UR REA50N T0 5LACK 0FF, 5X?   
TA2: >>8|  
TA1: >>BI  
TA4: ii’m makiing a viiru2. 2urprii2iingly, iit’2 not for KK.   
TA3: WH0’5 17 F04 7H3N?   
TA4: iit’2 for your KK, MT.   
TA3: FU5K YE7H!   
TA3: 4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!  
TA3: 1 C4N7 W84T1 70 533 H15 F43C WH3N H3 G735 17.  
TA1: ...  
TA1: Y0U KN0W WHAT, II’LL ALL0W THAT T00.   
TA2: ugh, fiine. ii’ll de4l wiith iit.   
TA2: but you’re 4ll fuckiing 422hole2.   
TA1: G0D BLE55 Y0U, 5C. 

* * *

TA2: hello! your reque2t h42 been rediirected two me, wh4t ii2 the problem?   
GA1: Hello+. My Co+mputer Is Co+mpletely Blank.   
GA1: I Canno+t Seem To+ Get It 0+n.   
TA2: h4ve you tried swiitchiing iit on?   
GA1: Ho+w Do+ I Do+ That?   
TA2: pre22 the ciircle wiith the liine through iit.   
GA1: 0+h!   
GA1: I Think So+mething Is Happening.   
GA1: Why Is There An Apple 0+n My Screen?   
TA2: how the fuck diid you get 4 m4c??   
GA1: Who+ Is Mac?   
GA1: Makara, Yo+u Mean?   
TA2: no no no, m4c ii2 the type of computer you’re u2iing.   
TA2: m4k4r4 h42 nothiing two do wiith thii2.   
GA1: There Is A Screen Asking Fo+r A Passwo+rd.   
GA1: Do+ I Type In My Passwo+rd No+w?   
TA2: ye2.   
GA1: It’s Wo+rking!   
GA1: Thank Yo+u!   
GA1: I Wo+nder What I Did?   
TA2: wh4t diid you do before iit h4ppened?   
GA1: No+thing, I Believe.   
TA2: ...  
TA2: your computer went iintwo 2leep mode, Mii22 Doloro24.   
TA2: th4t’2 4ll.   
TA2: there’2 nothiing two worry 4bout.   
GA1: O+h, Thank Go+o+dness.   
GA1: I’ll Make Yo+u A Cake Fo+r Helping Me, Mister Capto+r.   
TA2: oh god you don’t h4ve two.   
GA1: Just Make Sure That Mister Psiioniic “I Refuse To+ Help Yo+u” Capto+r Do+esn’t Get Any.   
GA1: 5;-)   
GA1: 5:-)*   
GA1: I Fo+rgo+t To+ Press The Shift Key, 0+h Dear.   
TA2: holy 2hiit thank2 2o much!! 

* * *

TA2: II GOT FREE FUCKIING C4KE FROM RO24.   
TA1: WHAT, N0.   
TA2: 4ND 2HE TOLD ME YOU C4N’T H4VE 4NY!!!   
TA1: N000000000000  
TA1: <IIN5ERT 5H0UTP0LE5>  
TA4: 2hiit, REALLY?   
TA2: “GA1: I’ll Make Yo+u A Cake Fo+r Helping Me, Mister Capto+r. TA2: oh god you don’t h4ve two. GA1: Just Make Sure That Mister Psiioniic “I Refuse To+ Help Yo+u” Capto+r Do+esn’t Get Any.”   
TA2: >>8D  
TA4: but diid 2he 2ay anythiing about me?   
TA2: nope.  
TA2: but ii helped her, 2o ii will get 4ll the c4ke.   
TA2: _4ll of iit._   
TA4: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!   
TA3: WH3R37H5 C4K3?????   
TA2: THERE II2 ONLY C4KE FOR ME.   
TA3: N0!!! YH475 N70 F14R!!1 5H4R3 Y0U PR1CK.   
TA2: DIID YOU HELP RO24? MII2TER “1M 2 8U2Y 83371NG MY H1GH5C0R3”??  
TA3: N0.  
TA3: 8U7 1 D1D 8347 MY H1GH 5C0R3 7H0UGH!!!  
TA2: ... huh.  
TA2: that’2 4ctu4lly 4m4ziing, well done.  
TA3: 8D   
TA2: ii’ll buy 4 2eper4te c4ke for your viictory.   
TA3: Y4Y!!!   
TA4: can ii have 2ome of iit?   
TA3: ...  
TA3: 0K4Y. 0NLY C4U53 1 W4NN4 533 7H3 L00K 0N V4N745’5 F4C3 WH3N Y0U 53ND 7H47 7H1NG 70 H1M.   
TA4: niice.   
TA1: CAN II?   
TA3: HMMMMMMMMM...  
TA3: 0NLY C4U53 Y0U L37 M3 5L4CK 0FF 70 F1N15H 7H3 L4P.   
TA1: NIICE.  
TA2: ...  
TA2: c4n ii?   
TA3: 0NLY 1F Y0U L37 M3 347 M155 R024’5 C4K3.   
TA2: ii’m the one fuckiing _buyiing thii2 c4ke for you!_   
TA3: W3LL 1M N07 8UDG1NG. R05A5 C4K3, 0R N0 C4K3 F0R Y0U. F1ANL 0FFR.  
TA2: ...  
TA2: you driive 4 h4rd b4rg4iin, miitun4 c4ptor.   
TA2:   
TA2: ugh fiine.   
TA2: everyone except p2ii c4n h4ve 2ome of mii22 ro24’2 c4ke.   
TA3: Y3333333344444HHHHHH 800000001111111111!!!!   
TA4: aww ye2.  
TA1: D:<<   
TA1: FUCK Y0U GUY5. 


	2. Chapter 2 - The Creation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be updated sporadically, sorry.
> 
> Should have mentioned that earlier.

glaringredConvert [GC1] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA3: W3LC0M3 70 C4PT0R T3CH 5UPP0R7 H0W M47 1 D1R3C7 Y0UR C4LL?   
GC1: yo how th3 fuck do 1 m4k3 4 groupch4t so 1 c4n m4k3 my court RP?   
TA3: 1 W1LL 83 R3D1R3C71NG Y0U N0W.   
TA3: B33P. B33P. B33P.   
GC1: m4n, sm4ll m1tun4 r34lly 1s 4dorbs.   
GC1: L4tul4 p1ck3d w3ll. 

* * *

torturedAftershock [TA3] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” 

TA3: 50LLUX D035 7R0LL14N H4V3 4 GR0UP CH47 0P710N?   
TA3: 45K1NG F0R 4 FR13ND.   
TA4: you mean, a2kiing for a cliient.   
TA3: 7H47 TW00.   
TA4: ii’m buiildiing iit now.   
TA4: probably won’t bee done for at lea2t a week, though.   
TA4: want me two take iit?   
TA3: PL5  
TA4: gotcha. 

* * *

TA4: how may ii help?   
GC1: just wond3r1ng 1f th1s th1ng h4d 4 groupch4t opt1on th4t w4sn’t 4 m3mo.   
TA4: aah.   
TA4: you 2ee, ii’m currently buiildiing an add-on which will iimprove trolliian, addiing a groupchat optiion that i2n’t a memo.   
TA4: but riight now, clo2ed memo2 ii2 the be2t option ii can give you.   
GC1: you know wh3n 1ts gonn4 b3 f1n1sh3d?   
TA4: hopefully iin the next few week2, dependiing on circum2tance2.   
GC1: 44h, th4nks l1l guy!   
TA4: you do know how to make a clo2ed memo, riight?   
GC1: y34h, ps11 told m3 how to, dw bout 1t.   
TA4: ii’ll me22age you a2 2oon a2 ii’m done, okay?   
GC1: 4w3som3.   
GC1: th4nk you!   
TA4: thank you for u2iing captor tech 2upport, and have a lovely day.   
GC1: 4ww, you too! 

* * *

TA4: ii hate cu2tomer 2erviice.   
TA4: why couldn’t you tell her that, MT?   
TA3: ...  
TA3: 5H3 15 7W00 C00L, 50LLUXTH.   
TA3: 7W000000 C0000000L  
TA4: ugh.   
TA1: II D0N’T PAY Y0U T0 C0MPLAIIN, 50LLUX.   
TA4: you don’t pay me, periiod.   
TA1: TRUE.   
TA2: we re4lly 2hould 2t4rt ch4rgiing.   
TA1: HMMM...  
TA1: YEAH, WE 5H0ULD...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus Captor Tech Support became a company.


	3. Chapter 3 - GrubTop Trouble.

terrifyingClowns [TC1] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: you 4re through to c4ptor tech 2upport, how m4y we 422ii2t you twod4y?   
TC1: I THINK DARKLEER BROKE THE SCREEN ON MY FAVOURITE COMPUTER DEVICE.   
TC1: D=> I did not!   
TA2:   
TA2: we 4re diirectiing your c4ll now.   
TC1: fucking hell  
TC1: IT’S MY ACCOUNT, I TYPE NOT YOU  
TC1: D=> No. How is he supposed to know what really happened?   
TC1: :o(  
TC1: SHARE!! 

* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” 

TA2: p2ii, ple42e de4l wiith your moiir4iil.   
TA1: WHIICH 0NE.   
TA2: the purple one.   
TA1: 0H MY G0D. WHAT DIID HE D0 _N0W._   
TA2: ii don’t fuckiing know! ii g4ve up underst4ndiing.   
TA1: UGH, FIINE. 

* * *

TA1: HELL0, H0W MAY II ATTEND T0 Y0U T0DAY.   
TC1: darkleer broke my screen.   
TC1: D=> I DID NOT!   
TA1: 0KAY, LET’5 N0T G0 BLAMIING WH0 DIID WHAT.   
TA1: ALL II NEED T0 KN0W II5 H0W II5 IIT BR0KE.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
TC1: THE TOP’S SNAPPED CLEAN OFF.   
TA1: 0H, 50 IIT’5 A GRUBT0P.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
TC1: D=> Yes it is. Do you wish for the details?  
TA1: THAT W0ULD BE GREAT, THANK5.   
TC1: D=> Okay, here they are:  
TC1: D=> Model: X-4131111  
TC1: D=> Type number 2510  
TC1: D=> Model Name: Trollshiba.   
TA1: HUH.   
TA1: II THIINK II HAVE THAT M0DEL 50MEWHERE IIN 5PARE PART5, ACTUALLY.   
TC1: :oD  
TC1: HOLY SHIT, YOU ARE AMAZING, BRO!   
TC1: ... but how much will it be all at  
TA1: 200,000 B00NBUCK5.   
TA1: >>BP  
TC1: FUCK THAT. I’M WILLING TO PAY 100,000.   
TC1: but that’s only because a one motherfucking thing.  
TC1: I’M NOT GOING TO WILLINGLY JUMP ON YOUR BONER FOR THE NUMBER TWO. I AIN’T THAT DUMB.  
TA1: 0H, FUCK Y0U.   
TA1: BUT FIINE. II’LL DEAL WIITH THAT.   
TC1: <>   
TA1: <>   
TC1: D=> Thank you for dealing with this, we appreciate it a lot.   
TA1: N0 PR0BLEM0, CL0WN PAIILER.   
TC1: :oP  
TC1: D=> Ugh.   
TC1: D=> Good day, Captor.   
TA1: Y0U T00, DL.   
TA1: 5EE Y0U LATER, GH.   
TC1: :oD  
TC1: I BE WISHING THE GRANDEST OF MOTHERFUCKING GOODBYES TO ONE OF THE BEST MOTHERFUCKING BUDDIES OF MINE! :oP  
TA1: Y0U ARE A 5APPY WA5TE5H00T.   
TC1: :oD

* * *

TA1: HEY II’M FIIXIING 50METHIING, 50 N0 0NE BETTER FUCKIING B0THER ME.   
TA3: 8U7 WH47’5 FR D1NRR?   
TA1: UHHHHH...  
TA1: 0H, F0R FUCK5 5AKE.   
TA1: WHAT D0 Y0U WANT.   
TA3: 1 W4N7 P1ZZ4!!!121  
TA4: taco2 plea2e.   
TA2: ii want 2ome enchiil4d42.   
TA1:   
TA1: WELP, MCD0NALD5 IIT I5.   
TA4: but what about the taco2, 2omeone _plea2e_ think about the taco2!!   
TA3: 3H, 1M 0K47 W17H 7H15 CH0IC3.   
TA2: mcdon4ld2 ii2 fiine by me.   
TA4: OH _FUCK_ YOU GUY2!!   
TA4: ii want a cluckbea2t burger.   
TA3: 81G M4C F0R M3 PL5.   
TA2: 4nd ii’ll h4ve wh4t 2ollux’2 h4viing.   
TA1: C00L. II’LL HAVE WHAT MT’5 HAVIING, THEN.  
TA1: WAIIT. WH0’5 GETTING IIT?   
TA1:  
TA1: ...  
TA1: W0W, D0N’T ALL CALL 0UT AT 0NCE.   
TA1:   
TA1: UGH. FIINE, II’LL GET IIT.   
TA2: fuck ye2, you’re the BE2T.  
TA3: 8L355 Y0U.   
TA4: well? get on wiith iit, people may 2tarve iif you wait two long  
TA4: tho2e people being me.   
TA4: do you really want me 2tarviing two death on your con2ciience?   
TA1: 50LLUX, Y0U W0N’T GET ANY IIF Y0U KEEP THII5 UP.   
TA4: ugh, fiine.   
TA4: thank2 for gettiing the food, you’re amaziing, etc.  
TA4: now giimme 2ome fuckiing food.   
TA1: A 5ARCA5TIIC RE5P0N5E II5 THE BE5T II’LL GET FR0M Y0U, II5N’T IIT.   
TA4: yep.   
TA1: ... II’LL TAKE IIT. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The question is... how did it break in the first place?
> 
> We shall never know.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Plot(?) Thickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is starting to have a plot, fuck.

twinArmageddons [TA4] started trolling glaringredConvert [GC1]!

TA4: hey mii22 redglare.   
TA4: ju2t thought two let you know that the groupchat add-on ha2 fiinally been buiilt. 2orry iit took 2o long.   
TA4: but today2 your lucky day! you have been cho2en two be the beta te2ter for thii2 add-on... ii2 that okay?   
TA4: ii’m gonna 2end iit now.

twinArmageddons [TA4] sent file: giantconspiracy.zip

TA4: NO WAIIT DON’T CLIICK THAT ONE FUCK  
TA4: THAT’2 NOT FOR YOU. 

twinArmageddons [TA4] sent file: groupchataddon.dth

twinArmageddons [TA4] deleted file: giantconspiracy.zip. It is no longer available for download! 

TA4: 2orry, that wa2 a viiru2 ii wa2 makiing.   
GC1: sorry, k1ddo, 1 just got back.  
GC1: oh holy sh111t, th4t’s 4m4z1ng! 1 don’t m1nd b3t4 t3st1ng for you!   
TA4: 2weet.   
TA4: let me know of any kiink2 iin the 2oftware, okay?   
GC1: w1ll do, bro! 

glaringredConvert [GC1] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

* * *

twinArmageddons [TA4] started trolling carcinoGarrulity [CG3]!

TA4: dude, holy 2hiit, diid you hear?   
CG3: Hell9 y9unger Capt9r. While I am quite surprised t9 see y9u messaging me, I must hasten t9 chastise y9u 9n y9ur rather f9ul language. 6ut if y9u are anything like y9ur c9unterparts, I can assume that this will 6e difficult f9r y9u t9 c9mprehend. H9wever, if what y9u are telling me is imp9rtant, I must ask 9f y9u as t9 what it is.   
TA4: ... uhh.   
TA4: what the fuck? ii didn’t read any of that.  
CG3: What did y9u wish t9 tell me a69ut?   
TA4: oh. 2o you _haven’t_ heard about the major con2piiraciies?   
CG3: I d9n’t 6elieve in c9nspiracy the9ries.   
TA4: iit i2n’t a theory, though.  
TA4: there ha2 been 2ome 2eriiou2 major con2piracie2. iit wa2 even relea2ed on troll wiikiileak2.   
CG3: Wait, really? Y9u’re kidding me!  
TA4: no kiidiing here.   
CG3: 9h my g9sh. Y9u have _g9t_ t9 tell me!   
TA4: iit’2 better to 2how you, ii got iit all compiiled iintwo a folder ii ziipped.   
CG3: ... A what?  
TA4: a... ziip fiile. the fiile2 wiith the ziip2. you know. that.   
CG3: 9h, the c9mpressed f9lder thingy.   
TA4: yeah that.  
CG3: May I ask h9w were y9u a6le t9 d9 that? I d9 n9t kn9w h9w t9 d9 it, and I wish t9 learn. Als9, h9w are they used?  
TA4: ...  
TA4: look, iif you want computer help, cliick the “reque2t tech 2upport” iicon.   
TA4: and iit’2 u2ed as a way two 2end many fiile2 at once all iin one handy folder. e2peciially iin thii2 ca2e, where there’2 way two much 2tuff to 2end through trolliian alone. a ziip folder ii2 ea2iier two 2end, anyway. 99% of the tiime, iit’2 2maller iin 2iize.  
CG3: Send me the zip file, then!  
TA4: okay, okay! keep your riidiiculous 2weater on. 

twinArmageddons [TA4] sent file: giantconspiracieswikileak.zip

TA4: there you go.   
CG3: Thank y9u, Capt9r!   
CG3: H9w d9 I 9pen it?  
TA4: go iintwo the fiile explorer and cliick the extract option on the fiile.   
CG3: 9h. Well, thank y9u again.   
TA4: no problem. agaiin, iif you need any more tech 2upport help, ju2t cliick the “reque2t tech 2upport” iicon.   
CG3: I shall keep that in mind. I swear, n9 9ne seems as 69thered a69ut the state 9f the w9rld as much as I.   
TA4: yeah, there all 2tupiid a22hole2.   
CG3: Indeed! Well, I will g9 a69ut 9pening this file, now. G99d6ye, Capt9r.   
TA4: yeah, 2ee ya.

carcinoGarrulity [CG3] has signed out! 

TA4: ehehehehehehe. 

* * *

carcinoGarrulity [CG3] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now... 

TA4: hello welcome to captor tech 2upport your call ii2 beiing rediirected. 

* * *

twinArmageddons [TA4] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” 

TA4: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
TA4: II’M 2UCH A FUCKIING _IIDIIOT_  
TA3: WH47  
TA3: WH47 H4PP3N33D????? ?  
TA4: WELL, YOUR A22HOLE KK’2 CONTACTED AND GUE22 WHAT???? IIT’2 ALL MY FAULT!!!!  
TA3: H0W 15 17 Y0UR FAUL7?   
TA4: II TOLD HIIM ABOUT TECH 2UPPORT.   
TA4: II TOLD HIIM ABOUT IIT NOT THIINKIING ABOUT WHO WA2 RUNNIING 2AIID TECH 2UPPORT.   
TA4: AND THEN II 2ENT HIIM A VIIRU2. AND TOLD HIIM HOW TO OPEN 2AIID VIIRU2.  
TA4: II’M A FUCKIING IIDIIOT.  
TA3:   
TA3: 4444444444H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4  
TA3: H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!   
TA4: NOW’2 NOT THE FUCKIING TIIME MT!!!! WE CAN’T JU2T LEAVE HIIM WAIITIING!!   
TA4: HE’LL DOWN OUR REVIIEW RATIING!! RIIGHT DOWN TWO THE GOD DAMN FLOOR!!!!  
TA3: FUCK, N07 7H3 R3V13W R471NG!!   
TA3: H3’LL PR0848LY P057 50M37H1NG L1K3: ‘9nly giving a star 6ecause I have t9’ 0R 50M3 8ULL5H17 B/   
TA1: EVERY0NE, CALM THE FUCK D0WN.   
TA1: II G0T THII5. 

* * *

TA1: H0W M4Y II HELP Y0U T0DAY, 5IIR?   
CG3: I had n9 idea y9u pe9ple ran the technical supp9rt unit. I sh9uld have guessed really, c9nsidering it was S9llux wh9 t9ld me a69ut it, 6ut the thought never cr9ssed my mind.   
TA1: PLEA5E GET T0 THE P0IINT.   
CG3: H9w d9 I zip a file?   
TA1: 0H.   
TA1: 0H, THAT’5 EA5Y IIF Y0U KN0W WHERE T0 CLIICK.   
TA1: BA5IICALLY, 5ELECT THE FIILE Y0U WANT T0 ZIIP.   
CG3: Yes.   
TA1: Y0U USE WIIND0W5, RIIGHT?   
CG3: Yes.   
TA1: GREAT. ANYWAY, RIIGHT CLIICK AND G0 T0 5END T0, THEN “C0MPRE55ED (ZIIP) F0LDER”.   
CG3: !   
CG3: Thank y9u!   
CG3: ...  
CG3: Als9, and I’m s9rry t9 6e a pain, 6ut my p9rta6le c9mputer is actually 6r9ken at this current time. H9w can I g9 a69ut fixing it?   
TA1: F0R A SMALL FEE, Y0U CAN BRIING IIT IIN T0 US T0 FIIX IIT F0R Y0U.   
TA1: IIT’5 N0RMALLY ME WH0 D0E5 THE FIIXIING, BUT IIF Y0U WII5H F0R 50ME0NE ELSE T0 D0 IIT, THAT’5 FIINE.   
CG3: My Krabt9p has expl9ded. Can y9u fix that?  
TA1: ...  
TA1: II’M N0T A MIIRIICLE W0RKER. IIF Y0U WANT 0NE 0F THEM, A5K A MAKARA.   
TA1: II’LL 5TIILL TAKE A L00K5IE F0R A FEE TH0UGH. IIF Y0U REALLY JU5T WANT ME T0 TELL Y0U THAT IIT II5, IIN FACT, BR0KEN.  
CG3: Well, that is rather p9intless if y9u are n9t g9ing t9 d9 anything a69ut it. I think I’d rather get a new c9mputer, thanks.   
TA1: II WA5 BEIING 5ARCA5TIIC.  
TA1: BUT 5ERII0U5LY. II CAN TAKE A L00K IIF Y0U REALLY WANT ME T0 F0R FREE, BUT IIF THERE’5, BY 50ME MIIRACLE, A WAY 0F FIIXIING IIT, Y0U HAVE T0 PAY ME F0R IIT, 0KAY?   
CG3: That is understanda6le, yes. Als9, I d9 appreciate h9w quickly I was transferred. Usually services like this have a l9ng waiting time, and y9u have t9 pay f9r even calling the service! H9w 6ad is that? D9 they think we are made 9f m9ney? It’s all a69ut making a pr9fit t9 c9mpanies such as that.   
TA1: BUT IIF THEY D0N’T MAKE M0NEY H0W ARE THEY 5UPP05ED T0 PAY THEIIR W0RKER5?   
CG3: 6ig c9rp9rati9ns have the m9ney t9 pay them minimum wage, h9wever they d9 n9t like t9 give them m9re than that. Since they are at the t9p 9f the pile, they want t9 keep all them pr9fits t9 themselves. Talk a69ut selfish!   
TA1: ... FAIIR P0IINT. BUT WHAT IIF IIT’5 A 5MALL C0MPANY. A 5MALL C0MPANY WIITH 0NLY F0UR W0RKER5. WHERE EVERY0NE’5 THE B055 REALLY, BUT THE ELDEST 0NE TAKE5 THE H  
TA1: TAKE5 CHARGE.   
TA1: THE ELDE5T 0NE TAKE5 CHARGE A5 THE LEADER 0NLY BECAU5E THEY’RE THE ELDE5T, AND ALL 0F THEM HAVE BARELY EN0UGH M0NEY T0 EAT. II5 IIT AB0UT M0NEY AND PR0FIIT5 THEN.   
CG3: Well...  
CG3: I...  
CG3: That’s different!   
CG3: I’m talking a69ut major capitalistic c9rp9rati9ns where all any9ne cares a69ut is m9ney. What y9u are talking a69ut is s9mething... I d9n’t know, different!  
CG3: I was just...   
CG3: Ugh!! St9p c9nfusing me! 

carcinoGarrulity [CG3] has closed the line! 

TA1: WELL, FUCK. 

* * *

TA1: HE CL05ED THE LIINE.   
TA1: <5ARCA5M M0DULE ACTIIVATED> AND IIT WA5 G0IING 50 WELL.   
TA3: D0N7 WR0RY 48U07 17, H3’5 4N 455H0L3. 3V3RY0N3 KN0W5 17, 700.   
TA1: ANYWAY, II’M G0NNA G0 0FFLIINE F0R A WHIILE.   
TA4: what? why?   
TA1: II JU5T  
TA1: II NEED 50ME TIIME.   
TA2: t4ke 42 long 42 you need, we’ll h4ndle thiing2 here.   
TA1: THANK5 GUY5.   
TA2: do you w4nt sp4ghettii bolognese for diinner?   
TA1: II D0N’T MIIND THAT.   
TA4: yuck, no.   
TA3: Y4444455555555!   
TA4: ...  
TA4: can ii have pa2ta iin2tead?   
TA2: ok4y, 2ure.   
TA4: awe2ome.   
TA1: THANK5, 5C.   
TA2: no problem, bro. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to submit character and computer problem if you want ^u^
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5 - Keyboard.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia's keyboard goes all funny during a conversation with Feferi. What Feferi suggests she should do will shock you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The Summary is a parody of clickbait articles)
> 
> For Candymouse22, who asked:
> 
> "If you could do one of the Megidoes having a glitch in a chapter please?" To which I would gladly deliver.
> 
> Gosh I love writing Aradia.

AA4: so then it went all l-o///o../p-y it was h//i\l..l/>a.))r.i//o..,u../s!  
AA4: what the hecky?  
CC4: is t)(ere somefin wrong?  
AA4: i really dont know  
AA4: i think my keyboard’s f//u\c..k--e//d up  
AA4: great  
CC4: o)(! I )(ave an idea! why don’t you ask s)(oalux? I’m s)(ore )(e’ll kelp!   
AA4: i doubt i-w4(%e  
AA4: it*  
AA4: he’ll probablyl-//au../g-h at me  
CC4: I )(-EARD t)(at if you press t)(e tec)( support icon, you’ll get kelp from t)(em.   
CC4: apparently t)(ey’re R--E--ELY GOOD!   
AA4: well there’s no harm but to t/r//y after all  
CC4: good luck! 

* * *

apocalypseArisen [AA4] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now... 

TA3: H3LL0, Y0U 4R3 THR0UGH 70 C4P70R 73CH 5UPP0R7, H0W C4N W3 H3LP?   
AA4: m////y//k..e0))yb((o..a//r\\\d; 1;';@s f'##u--c)(k-e*D u;;;p  
TA3: 0H 5H17.   
TA3: R3D1R3C71NG Y0U. W0N’7 83 4 M0M3N7.   
AA4: thank y===+o//u

* * *

torturedAftershock [TA3] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” 

TA3: 50LLUX Y0UR GF’5 H3R3  
TA4: what  
TA4: dude 2eriiou2ly? ii’m covered iin cheeto du2t wtf why diidn’t you tell me earliier?   
TA3: 1 M34N L1K3, 5H3’5 0N 7H3 5UPP0R7 L1N3.   
TA4: oh.   
TA4: waiit, whiich gf?   
TA3: 44  
TA4: ...  
TA4: iit probably would’ve been fiine anyway; 2he’2 2een me iin wor2e than thii2.   
TA3: 8Y 7H3 W4Y, D0 Y0U KN0W 4NY7H1NG 480U7 8R0K3N K3Y804RD5 GL17CH35?   
TA4: err.   
TA4: not really, no.  
TA4: diid you tell her two try rebootiing?   
TA3: DUD3, 1’M R3D1R3C71NG H3R 1 KN0W R3M073LY J4CK 5H17 480U7 7H15.   
TA3: 1M PR377Y 5U43 1T’5 R34LLY 84DLY FUCK3D UP T00.   
TA2: ii might be 4ble two help.   
TA3: Y0U T4K3 17, 7H3N PL3453.  
TA2: you gotch4.  


* * *

TA2: hello you 4re through two c4ptor tech 2upport, wh4t’2 the problem?   
AA4: t@##~h--=_i¬`1s i-$£%s t-+=h+-[]e p=='/r.//.o,,b/;''||l;''e/;m  
TA2: OH 2HIIT.   
AA4: oh shit indeed  
TA2: h4ve you triied rebootiing?   
AA4: well its only just started happening while i was talking to f//%e%^f//e\r%%i so no  
TA2: ok4y, try rebootiing, but iif that doe2n’t work, me224ge me, ii’ll get onto iit for you, that’2 ok4y?   
AA4: ill try that now, thank you!   
AA4: sollux would kill me for not trying that first 

* * *

apocalypseArisen [AA4] began trolling twinnedArchitecture [TA2]!

AA4: i dont think it zorked  
AA4: ,y keyboqrd settings qre qll zrong noz  
TA2: ii c4n fix thii2!   
TA2: you’re in 4ZERTY when you’re 2uppo2ed to be iin QWERTY  
AA4: is it qn eqsy fix§  
TA2: ye4h.   
TA2: pre22 the left 4lt + 2hiift 4nd th4t 2hould fiix iit, hopefully.   
AA4: ill try thqt just give ,e one ,o,znt  
AA4:   
AA4: did it work?   
AA4: IT DID!!!   
AA4: :D  
TA2: >>8D  
TA2: 4nother problem 2olved by c4ptor tech 2upport!   
AA4: thank you!   
AA4: feferi was right to recommend you guys!   
TA2: Feferii recommended u2?   
AA4: well she said you guys are really good at fixing computer problems  
AA4: and since i know sollux i know that has got to be true  
AA4: OuO  
TA2: th4nk2 for the me224ge btw, 4nd your computer 2hould be ok4y!   
AA4: no problem! and thank you for solving this!   
TA2: iit2 no biigiie, re4lly.   
AA4: tell sollux i said hi, by the way!   
TA2: wiill do.   
AA4: bye! 

apocalypseArisen [AA4] ceased trolling twinnedArchitecture [TA2]! 

* * *

TA2: 44 24y2 hii.   
TA4: you fiixed iit then?   
TA2: ye4h, 2he rebooted but iit got 2tuck iin the wrong keybo4rd 2ettiing.   
TA2: the 2econd part ii2 4 lot e42iier to fiix th4n the fiir2t would h4d been iif the reboot diidnt work  
TA4: thank god iit diid, then.   
TA4: 2he’2 had that thiing for 2weep2.   
TA4: iit2 2o old.  
TA2: h4.   
TA4: 2he wont get riid of iit though, no matter what ii 2ay becau2e 2he love2 iit two much.   
TA2: 44h, th4t’2 4dor4ble.   
TA4: ii thiink you mean fuckiing annoyiing.   
TA4: endeariing, yeah, but annoyiing nonethele22.   


* * *

twinArmageddons [TA4] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA4]!

TA4: hey aa  
AA4: hi sollux!   
TA4: heard you contacted tech 2upport  
AA4: yeah feferi told me to  
AA4: she said the tech support people were  
AA4: and i quote  
AA4: “R--E--ELY GOOD!”   
TA4: we’re proud of our ratiing2.   
AA4: with the name ‘captor tech support’ i take it that you work there too huh?   
TA4: yeah, iim the be2t.   
AA4: i cant believe i didnt think to reboot it first!!!   
TA4: you paniicked ii gue22?   
TA4: be2iide2, your grubtop’2 old a2 fuck  
AA4: hey dont diss the crosbytop  
TA4: iit2 old, aa.   
AA4: old is gold, sollux  
TA4: aa. iit’2 outdated.   
TA4: really outdated.   
TA4: liike holy 2hiit, kk ha2 a more up-to-date computer than you at the moment.   
TA4: _KK_  
AA4: im not budging  
AA4: the crosbytop stays  
TA4: one of the2e day2 iit’2 gonna break  
TA4: and no one wiill bee able two fiix iit  
AA4: so then  
AA4: and only then  
AA4: will i get a new one  
AA4: and it WILL be another crosbytop  
TA4: _why_.   
AA4: its just so bizarre!!   
AA4: and i found it fair and square  
TA4: oh my god  
AA4: besides  
AA4: its not gonna break :)   
TA4: how do you know?   
AA4: trust me  
AA4: i know :)   
TA4: aa   
AA4: [:)](http://cdn.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/06025.gif)   
TA4: aa no  
AA4: [ :)](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e2/42/9c/e2429cc43c8fd8549e5c4f425b46485e.jpg)  
TA4: oh my god why  
AA4: :)   
AA4: remember to eat sollux  
TA4: ii have eaten  
AA4: doritos arent food  
TA4: ...  
TA4: ii never had doriito2.   
AA4: cheetos then  
TA4: ...  
AA4: eat something proper sollux  
TA4: iim not hungry  
AA4: sollux  
TA4: ugh fiine.   
TA4: iim only doiing thii2 becau2e ii like you though.   
TA4: we’re 2tiill friiend2 riight?   
AA4: sollux, were literally dating.  
TA4: ehehehe, yeah.  
TA4: bye aa  
AA4: bye!!!!!! 

twinArmageddons [TA4] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA4]! 

* * *

TA4: what2 for diinner?   
TA1: Y0U 5AIID Y0U DIIDN’T WANT ANY.   
TA4: well ii wa2 eatiing cheeto2 at the tiime.   
TA1: G00D P0IINT.   
TA1: II THINK THERE’5 S0ME C0LD PIIZZA 0N THE C0UNTER.   
TA3: 8U7 Y0U 541D 1 C0ULD H4V3 7H47!   
TA1: MT, 50LLUX HA5 YET T0 EAT.   
TA3: 8U7!!  
TA1: MIITUNA.   
TA1: Y0U HAD AN _ENTIIRE PIIZZA_ T0 Y0UR5ELF.   
TA2: ii only got two 2liice2.   
TA2: >>8C  
TA3:   
TA3: N0 F41R. 7H115 15 81PH081C. Y08R 4LL 81PH081C.  
TA3: 83C4U53 1M 81 4ND Y08R 1NC0NV1N13NC1NF M3, Y0U 455H475.  
TA4: uh, guy2.   
TA4: ii may or may not have bought takeaway chiine2e food.   
TA4: dv saiid theyre pretty niice 2o here’2 hopiing  
TA3: WH47??? WH3N D1D YU0 74LK 70 D4V3??   
TA4: two day2 ago ii thiink, why?   
TA3: 0H, 0K4Y.   
TA3: JU57 45K1NG  
TA4: he’2 an a22hole, but iin 2ame way iim an a22hole.   
TA3: H3’5 C00L.   
TA4: he’2 a dork, you mean.   
TA3: 7H47 700.   
TA3: H3 C4LL5 M3 M1700DL35 50M371M35, 4ND W3 PL4Y V1D30G4M35 70G37H3R. 175 FUN.  
TA4: aww, how 2weet.   
TA4: are you two goiing two get human marriied or 2omethiing?   
TA3: ...  
TA3: WH47, C4N’7 TW0 GUY5 JU57 83 DUD35??   
TA3: 8351D35, W3 807H H4V3 M4735PR175.   
TA3: H15 831NG Y0UR KK.   
TA3: 4ND M4Y83 7H47 84RK83457-G1RL? H3R N4M3 35C4P35 M3.   
TA4: you mean jade?   
TA3: Y34H, H3R.   
TA4: aah. iidk whats happeniing wiith that.  
TA4: be2iides, ii wa2 jokiing.   
TA3: 0H, 0K4Y 7H3N.   
TA3: ...50, D1D Y0U WN47 7H3 P1ZZ4 0R NT0?   
TA4:   
TA4: you’re eatiing iit riight now, aren’t you?   
TA3: WH4T????? N00000!!!  
TA4: well, iif you are, you’d better 2ave me half.   
TA3: WH47, 7H3 0U751D3 H4LF?   
TA4: MIITUNA CAPTOR, GIIVE ME 2OME OF THAT COLD PIIZZA BEFORE II COME OUT THERE AND GET IIT MY2ELF.   
TA3:   
TA3: M4K3 M3 817CH!!!   
TA3: FIINE.   
TA2: p2ii, the boy2 4re fiightiing 4g4iin.   
TA1: II CAN’T LEAVE Y0U A55H0LE5 AL0NE F0R M0RE THAN 2 MINUTE5, CAN II?   
TA2: oh 2hiit!  
TA1: WHAT’5 HAPPENED?   
TA2: there ii2 liiter4lly piizz4 flyiing everywhere, p2ii. ii’m 2c4red.  
TA2: ...4nd there goe2 miitun4 4long2iide the 2liice. miitun4’2 cert4iinly fiightiing b4ck well.   
TA2: he ii2 not lettiing go of thii2 piizz4.   
TA1: WHY D0N’T Y0U 5T0P THEM?   
TA2: 4nd get iinvolved iin th4t me22? FUCK no!!   
TA1: II JU5T HEARD 50ME0NE 5CREAM.   
TA2: th4t wa2 me.   
TA2: ii’ve t4ken cover behiind the couch.   
TA2: whiich fell over, whiile ii w42 2iittiing on iit.   
TA2: _th4nk2_ , 2ollux.   
TA1: G0D FUCKIING DAMN IIT. Y0U HAVE 0NE FUCKIING J0B.   
TA2: 24y2 the one who’2 2pent 4ll d4y biitchiing wiith hii2 moiir4iil. 4nd yet, somehow, you B4RELY let me do the 24me. funny th4t, iisn’t iit?  
TA1: 0H QUIIT BIITCHIING, II’M C0MIING 0UT T0 FIIX THE 5IITUATII0N.  
TA1: ... WHAT THE FUCK.   
TA1: II HATE THII5 FUCKIING FAMIILY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of glitch text:
> 
> In conversation with Feferi: 'loopy', 'hilarious', 'fucked up', 'laugh', 'try'.  
> First Tech Contact: 'my keyboard is fucked up' 'you'  
> second tech contact: 'this is the problem', 'feferi'  
> AZERTY KEYBOARD contact: 'i dont think it worked', 'my keyboard settings are all wrong now', 'is it a easy fix?', 'ill try that just give me a moment'
> 
> Psii was having a bitching fest with Signless at the time just before the pizza fiasco happened. he got peeved off because it cut his bitchfest short. Also, I've just realised that Sollux's taste in girls is those who are both adorable and completely fucking terrifying. Huh.
> 
> I swear to god I spend over an hour editing this and I still keep spotting mistakes
> 
> Again, feel free to request characters and possible problems ^u^


	6. Chapter 6 - Viruses and Discussions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Congratulations, You Won!' Huh? "Aww sweet! Wonder what I've won!" Cronus says, before his grubtop breaks so badly the best thing any one could do is give it a respectful burial service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For ADeadAnon, who asked:
> 
> "can you maybe do Cronus with his computer having so much virus because he clicks on random 'you are the winner' ads all the time ??" 
> 
> And That idea was completely too fantastic for me not to do.
> 
> (This is actually Chapter 6, not 7)

cronusAmpora [CA3] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now... 

TA1: WELC0ME T0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT, H0W MAY WE DIIRECT Y0UR CALL.   
CA3: i think my computers broke.   
TA1: C0ULD Y0U BE M0RE 5PECIIFIIC.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
CA3: erm.   
CA3: vwell.   
CA3: its flippin the fuck out.   
CA3: i thought i vwon a ton of stuff but nowv all its showvin is a gif of a poptart meowvbeast with rainbowv behind it.   
TA1: 0H MY G0D. Y0U DIIDN’T ACTUALLY THIINK THAT Y0U HAD W0N, DIID Y0U.   
CA3: ...  
CA3: it vwas vwery convwincin.   
TA1: ...  
TA1: 0H MY G0D.   
TA1: REDIIRECTIING, PLEA5E H0LD. 

* * *

terminatedAncipital [TA1] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” 

TA1: MT, Y0UR AMP0RA’5 0N THE LIINE. JU5T TH0UGHT T0 LET Y0U KN0W HE’5 C0MPLETELY FUCKED UP HII5 PC BY CLIICKIING 0N ALL 0F THEM ‘C0NGRATULATII0N5, Y0U W0N’ THIING5.   
TA3:   
TA3: 44444444444444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4  
TA3: H44H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH44H4H444444!!!   
TA3: FUCK1NG 1D107  
TA1: 5H0ULD II JU5T TELL HIIM T0 BRIING IIT IIN.   
TA2: might be e42iier two fiix iit iif we 2ee wh4t we’re workiing wiith.   
TA3: 1 R3FU53 70 5P34K 70 H1M  
TA1: THAT’5 FAIIR.   
TA1: II W0ULD D0 THE 5AME IIN Y0UR 5IITUATII0N.   
TA2: ugh do ii h4ve two do everythiing here?   
TA1: HEY, WH0 5AYIING Y0U HAVE T0 D0 IIT.   
TA2: do you w4nt two do iit?   
TA1: UHHH.   
TA2: ex4ctly.   
TA1: WELL. MAKE 5URE Y0U GET HIIM T0 PAY F0R U5 L00KIING AT IIT.   
TA2: you got iit.   
TA2: 4l2o, question: where the FUCK ii2 2ollux? 

* * *

TA2: hey, th4nk2 for u2iing c4ptor tech 2upport!!   
TA2: our te4m of techiie2 h4ve dii2cu22ed your c42e 4nd h4ve deciided th4t the be2t cour2e of 4ctiion ii2 for you two briing iit iin two u2 iin per2on, wiill th4t be fiine???   
CA3: so long as i can get it back vworkin, i dont care.   
TA2: th4t wiil be 500 boonbuck2.   
CA3: to look at it?   
TA2: ye2~  
CA3: oh  
CA3: oh, okay, i get your drift.   
CA3: youll fix it up good though, yeah?   
TA2: well, briing iit iin fiir2t, 4nd we’ll 2ee wh4t we c4n do.  
CA3: thanks babe.   
TA2: th4nk you for u2iing c4ptor tech 2upport. 

* * *

TA2: 44444UUUURGHHHH WH44444T THE FUUUUUCK???? II FEEL LIIKE THROWIING UP, HOW DIID. WH4T?? II’M.   
TA1: THE FUCK II5 WR0NG WIITH Y0U.  
TA2: he’2 gonn4 briing iit iin.   
TA3: C4N 1 F1X 17!?   
TA1: N0. Y0U’LL JU5T PUT M0RE VIIRU5E5 0N THERE.   
TA1: IIT W0ULD BE W0RTH IIT, BUT II D0N’T WANT T0 RII5K THE RATIING5.   
TA3: 800. U 5UX.  
TA2: hey p2ii?   
TA1: YEAH.   
TA2: ii got hiim two 500 boonbuck2 iin 4cce22 ch4rge2.   
TA1: WHAT.   
TA1: H0W WERE Y0U ABLE T0 D0 THAT.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT 200 QUERYN00DLES>  
TA2: well he’2 riich for one, 4nd gullii4ble for two.   
TA2: my per2u42iive t4ctiic2 weren’t 4ctu4lly t4ctiic2, though. iit w42 ju2t 4 fuckiing mii2type.  
TA1: P55H. II’M G0IING T0 L00K AT IIT.   
TA2: DON’T YOU D4RE  
TA1:   
TA1: AAJHKGDXCHJDFHKDURJAHAHAHAHAAAAAA5HJFKH.   
TA1: WHY DIIDN’T II THIINK 0F THAT.   
TA1: THAT II5 FUCKIING AMAZIING.   
TA2: ii feel liike 2hiit though.   
TA2: ii me4n. ii’m 4lre4dy t4ken iin both my red qu4dr4nt2, how the fuck diid he not know th4t? where diid he even get the iide4 th4t.  
TA2: ii me4n, hii2 _4nce2tor_ ii2 one of them!   
TA1: II 5TIILL CAN’T BELIIEVE THAT.   
TA2: oh, 2hut up.   
TA3: CR0NZ JU57 W4N75 70 G37 L41D.   
TA2: huh  
TA2: why do ii h4ve 4 me224ge-  
TA2: 2JKLDJGKL2KHJ2HKLD   
TA2: 44444UUUURRGHHHHHH  
TA2: II H4TE _EVERYTHIING._  
TA3: H4444444H4H4H4H4HH44H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H44444  
TA1: IIF WHAT II THIINK JU5T HAPPENED HAPPENED, II AM G0IING T0 SCREAM.  
TA2: ... CH4NGE OF 2UBJECT: where the fuck ii2 2ollux? iim 2ure he would h4ve re2ponded by now.  
TA1: ... 0H MY G0D.  
TA1: AL50, HE’5 PR0BABLY BU5Y WIITH C0DIING.   
TA2: ye4h. ii 2uppo2e 2o.

* * *

tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now... 

TA4: hello, you are through to captor tech 2upport how may we diirect your reque2t?   
TA4: waiit.   
TG2: ok, if you put distri, eriwizzrd, and the miem clown in the smae room what dya think would happen?   
TG2: *mime  
TG2: *same  
TA4: RX, what the fuck.   
TA4: plea2e don’t u2e thii2 liine for que2tiion2 liike that.   
TA4: ju2t me22age me. plea2e. thii2 liine ha2 enough iidiiot2 a2 iit ii2 wiithout you actiing liike one.  
TG2: btu u blodkd me :(:(:(:(  
TG2: *boked  
TG2: *blocked  
TA4: iif ii unblock you, wiill you leave?   
TG2: nah  
TA4: why the fuck not.  
TG2: i have an actual rwaosn why i messaged you  
TG2: *reason  
TG2: fukin phone is2g  
TA4: what’2 your que2tiion, then?   
TG2: i want in  
TA4: iin on what?   
TG2: in on this, dummy!   
TG2: im so fuckin board!   
TG2: and you get paid rogith?   
TG2: *right  
TA4: well yeah, but thii2 ii2 2ort of a famiily bu2iine22, RX.   
TA4: iit’2 called captor tech 2upport for a rea2on. captor2.  
TG2: but i can help!   
TG2: you dont eben know about how pesterchim works!   
TA4: ii only that trolliian’2 a lot better.   
TG2: i mean tru, but still  
TG2: how are you supposed to fix porblems if you only know one tyeep of system(  
TG2: *?  
TG2: plus im hells good at ficin human computr systms, especiallt compatrd to u  
TG2: *fixin  
TG2: *compred  
TG2: *compared  
TG2: and im even better at hacking into thwm ;)   
TA4: ... ugh.  
TA4: ii’ll dii2cu22 iit.   
TA4: but ii dont control whether or not we’ll employ you.   
TA4: be2iide2, the pay’2 2hiit.   
TG2: meybe foru ;)   
TG2: *for u  
TG2: adn what, youre NOT gonna answer the qu abt what would hapen if mime clown, eriwizzrd n distri get locked in a room 2gether   
TA4: ii diidn’t thiink you were beiing 2eriiou2.  
TG2: i am DEADLY SRS. answer bithc.  
TA4: ...  
TA4: 200 boonbuck2 2ay2 that they’ll kiill each other iin 2hort tiime.   
TG2: ... huh  
TG2: yknow, lottsa peopl have said that  
TG2: but i think theyll hvae sloppy makeouts n cri bout their failed relationshps  
TG2: btu hey, waht do i knwo? im only the rogue of void ;)  
TA4: ...  
TA4: fuck that’2 pretty fuckiing po22iible two.   
TA4: ii would liike two change my bet, plea2e.  
TG2: NOPE! too late!!   
TG2: cuz imma match u on that with the sloppy makeouts clause ;)   
TA4: oh, fuuuuccckk!!!!  
TA4: waiit. _why_ are you a2kiing that?   
TG2: nooo reasoon~  
TA4: plea2e dont kiill ED, RX.   
TG2: no ones gonna die, stupid! i PROMISE.   
TA4: but. you aren’t actually goiing two do that, riight?   
TA4: you aren’t goiing to lock DK, ED, and KZ iin a room together, are you?   
TG2: well, shoallux, that would be clased as...  
TG2: classified infromaton ;)   
TG2: *information  
TA4: oh my god. we’re all fuckiing doomed. 

* * *

TA4: what the fuck happened whiile ii wa2 gone?   
TA2: 2o you fiin4lly 2how your f4ce.   
TA4: ii wa2 bu2y.   
TA4: al2o RX want2 two joiin.   
TA1: HUH.   
TA4: ii 2aiid ii’d dii2cu22 iit wiith you guy2 but ii couldn’t promii2e anythiing.   
TA1: RX... THAT 0NE II5 THE PIINK HUMAN GIIRL, RIIGHT.   
TA1: THE 0NE F0ND 0F ME0WBEA5T5.   
TA4: yeah.   
TA1: 5HE D0E5 C0DIING.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
TA4: yeah.   
TA4: ii’ve worked wiith her on 2ome 2iide-project2, 2he’2 pretty fuckiing good at that 2hiit.   
TA1: HUH. II’LL THIINK AB0UT IT.   
TA4: thank2.   
TA2: holy 2hiit. iif he 24y2 2he’2 good, then 2he’2 pretty fuckiing good. ii know me. 4nd ii know wh4t ii me4n by good. wh4t ii’m 24yiing ii2: 2he’2 prob4bly re4lly fuckiing good 4t iit.  
TA4: you know, ii am literally riight fuckiing here. you could A2K me iin2tead of extrapolatiing.  
TA2: but 4m ii wrong?  
TA4:  
TA2: 4m ii wrong, 2ollux?  
TA4: ... no. no you are pretty much riight.  
TA2: ii fuckiing told you.

* * *

terminatedAncipital [TA1] began trolling twinnedArchitecture [TA2]!

TA1: H0LY FUCKIING 5HIIT PII, THAT WA5 5AVAGE.   
TA2: eugh.   
TA1: MIITUNA’5 DYIING.   
TA1: II CAN HEAR HIIM CACKLIING FR0M HERE.   
TA2: ii feel diirty.   
TA1: D0N’T BE, THAT WA5 AMAZIING.   
TA1: AND WE G0T THE ACCE55 FUND5.   
TA1: Y0U D0 REALII5E Y0U'RE PAYIING F0R DIINNER N0W, RIIGHT.   
TA2: ye4h, ii know.   
TA1: HMM...  
TA1: MAYBE...  
TA2: you’re 2tiill thiinkiin 4bout the hum4n giirl?   
TA1: YEAH.   
TA1: II MEAN, WE C0ULD U5E 50ME HELP T0 EXPAND 0N 0UR 5Y5TEM5.   
TA1: Y0U KN0W, BECAU5E II’VE NEVER 5EEN A HUMAN 5Y5TEM BEF0RE AND THU5 HAVE AB50LUTELY N0 IIDEA H0W T0 G0 AR0UND 0NE IIF 5UCH A PR0BLEM CAME UP.   
TA1: 50, WHAT D’YA THIINK.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering what Pii did, he took the money and grubtop before slamming the door in his face. Mituna laughed for about 20 minutes afterwards.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> I have a love-hate relationship with cronus's character becuse i like the guy but i also like bullying the shit out of him. also i seriously have no idea how to write this guy. i am so sorry. besides, psii's on mituna's side in the fiasco that psii knows about for some reason. Psii just hates seadwellers in general. Pii just cant believe cronus didnt know that his ancestor was his moirail.
> 
> Psii knows about a lot of things. its terrifying.
> 
> What d'ya think, should Roxy join the Captor Tech Support Company?  
> Or should she make her own Tech support company? With BlackJack and Hookers (that part was a joke :P). And same rules with the last (two) chapters applies: 'feel free to request characters and possible problems'
> 
> fun fact, the tilde key is right by the enter in UK Keyboards!
> 
> Thank you!! :D


	7. Chapter 7 - IINTERMII55II0N

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically a mini time-skip only in pesterlog form
> 
> 5 different conversations at the same/similar time lmao

TA1: 50, WHY D0 Y0U THIINK WE 5H0ULD EMPL0Y Y0U.  
TG2: because of my swret hackibskills obvs  
TG2: *hackin skills  
TG2: nesides do u even kneow how to use a human system? No offenec or antjing im just wonderin  
TG2: *whole buncha typos  
TG2: fuckin phone i swear   
TG2: I feel likw throwig it out fo a windoe  
TA1: Y0U. II LIIKE Y0U.   
TG2: soooo.........?  
TA1: FUCK IIT, Y0U’RE IIN. WHAT C0ULD P055IIBLY G0 WR0NG. BE5IIDE5, Y0U 5EEM LIIKE A NIICE PER50N.   
TG2: sweeeeeet!!!!

* * *

twinArmageddons [TA4] began trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG2]!

TA4: RX what the fuck.   
TA4: ii can’t beliieve you actually diid iit.  
TG2: you owe me 200 boonies captor ;)   
TA4: uuuugh fiine. ii’ll tran2fer iit over.  
TA4: now wiill you help me fiix kk2 computer?   
TA4: he’2 2omehow managed to fuck iit up yet agaiin by tryiing two buiild a viiru2. agaiin.  
TA4: he ju2t wiill not accept that he can’t buiild viiru2e2 for 2hiit.   
TG2: lol  
TG2: byt real talk I seriosuly cabt atm. im super busty  
TG2: *busy  
TG2: the first one tow ;)   
TA4: oh my god, RX.  
TA4: what the fuck are you doiing whiich would make you 2o fuckiing bu2y?   
TG2: im hackin condys pc duh  
TG2: plus like. she fuckin deserves it  
TG2: plsy its like, more money 4 us right?   
TA4: ...  
TA4: holy fuckiin 2hiit, RX.   
TA4: count me the fuck iin.   
TG2: awesoen. i have counted you? the fuch IN.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

* * *

TA2: n4vii.   
CA2: pi  
TA2: n4vii no.   
CA2: please?   
TA2: no, n4vii. we 4re not h4viing thii2 conver24tiion 4g4iin.   
TA2: ii won’t let you dump 4 bottle of goo on the –Empre22. ii ju2t won’t.  
CA2: but piiiiiiiiiiiiii  
TA2: the number of ii’2 you u2e wiill not ch4nge my miind.   
CA2: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
TA2: n4vii 2top.   
CA2: iiiiiiiiiiiiIiiiiiiWOULDiiiiiiiiIFiiiiiiiiiiiIiiiiiiiiCOULDi  
TA2: you j4mmed iit 4g4iin diidn’t you.   
CA2: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiHELPiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiMEii  
TA2: for fuck2 24ke, fuckiing text me. 

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] ceased trolling cruiseAttendant [CA2]!

cruiseAttendant [CA2] started trolling twinnedArchitecture [TA2] via mobile!

CA2: pi its stuck  
CA2: i think she poured TAB on my keyboard the brine suckin WENCH  
TA2: ii...  
TA2: ii h4te th4t ii h4ve two be tempor4ry 4u2piice for you two.   
TA2: ii me4n 2eriiou2ly, 2he’2 my m4tespriit 4nd you’re my moiir4iil 2o ii feel liike ii’m being torn iin two!!   
CA2: shooooooosh  
TA2:   
TA2: fiine. ii 4m 2ufficiiently 2hoo2hed. for NOW.  
CA2: so... what do i do about my jammed key  
TA2: 2m42h iit wiith 4 h4mmer, obviiou2ly.  
CA2: ...  
CA2: fool me once, shame on me  
TA2: you were fooled the fiir2t tiime?  
CA2: fool me twice and i break my own arm  
CA2: in other wwords, I AINT GONNA BREAK MY KEYBOARD AGAIN PI.   
TA2: h4, lo2er.   
CA2: words* fuck  
TA2: cute, you 2tuttered 4g4iin.   
CA2: ill have you know i aint cute  
TA2: n4vii. 4ccept iit. you’re cute 42 hell.   
CA2: ... you know, i could kill you  
TA2: but you won’t.   
CA2: true... BUT  
TA2: 2hoo2h you dumb iidiiot.   
TA2: 2hooooooooooo2h.   
CA2: okay okay fiiiiiiiiiine  
CA2: maybe i am just a LITTLE BIT cute  
TA2: h4, th4t’2 4dor4ble.   
CA2:   
CA2: no you. youre adorable  
TA2: no YOU.   
CA2: no you  
TA2: no YOU!   
CA2: NO YOU  
TA2: NO YOU!!!!   
CA2: accept the truth pi youre adorable as fuck  
TA2: NEVER!!!!!!   
TA2: YOU’LL NEVER T4KE ME 4LIIVE.  
CA2: pi  
TA2: 24Y4N4R4, 4MIIGO2. II 4M GONE.  
CA2: fuckin chill, god  
TA2: but 2eriiou2ly, ju2t briing iit iin, ii’ll get iit fiixed for you.   
CA2: really?   
CA2: or should i say......  
CA2: R--E--ELy?   
TA2: ... you. holy 2hiit, you diid th4t on purpo2e.   
CA2: i did and i am disgusted in myshelf   
TA2: dude the2e fii2h pun2 4re out of control.   
TA2: or 2hould ii 24y, out of CONCH-trol?   
CA2: UGH!!  
TA2: >>8P ehehehehe  
TA2: iit’2 funny bec4u2e you h4te fii2h pun2 yet you c4n’t help but do them.   
CA2: ugh  
CA2: but lets be searious for a moment  
TA2: EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE  
CA2: FUCK  
CA2: anywway, do i have to pay you? cause i will im just tryin to gauge a price  
CA2: FUCKIN  
CA2: anyway*  
TA2: 2he re4lly get2 to you, huh?   
CA2: yeah...  
TA2: >>8)   
TA2: ii2 2 hundred miilliion boonbuck2 ok4y?   
CA2: stop bein stupid pi, of course it aint  
TA2: oh come on, p2ii’2 hiighblood moiir4iil p4iid 100,000 booniie2 for 4 broken 2creen.   
CA2: theres a difference between a broken screen and a jammed key.   
CA2: besides e’ryone knows you cant trust that guy with money he just gives it away  
TA2: ii gue22 that’2 true...  
CA2: so, is 50 000 boonies okay?   
TA2: ii  
TA2: godd4mn fuckiing riich people.   
CA2: so is it?   
TA2: ye2, iit’2 fiine.   
CA2: okay. i will transfer that as soon as i get there, alright?  
TA2: th4t’2 fiine by me. d’y4 miind iif p2ii fixes iit? he’2 better 4t iit th4n ii 4m.   
CA2: thats fine yeah  
TA2: biitchtiit2.   
CA2: anyway as i was sayin before i got pale-blocked by technology  
TA2: oh my god.   
TA2: 2eriiou2ly ii wiill not let you do iit, do you know how h4rd iit ii2 two get goo out of her h4iir?   
CA2: yes, actually, i do  
TA2: ugh. 

* * *

TA3: Y0U 5UR3 80U7 7H15?   
TC3: [:o)](http://media1.giphy.com/media/fjGd6JawRWkxO/giphy.gif)  
TA3: 7H47 D035 M34N H4V1NG 70 R3PL453 Y0UR 3N71R3 K3Y804RD, R1GH7?   
TC3: [:o)](https://media.giphy.com/media/12y6MJfXlaADSM/giphy.gif)  
TA3: 8U7 1 5W34R 1F Y0U R1P 0FF 4LL Y0UR K3Y5 1N 4 F17 0F 4NG3R 0R 50M37H1NG 1 W1LL H17 7H15 7H1NG 0FF Y0UR FUCX1NG H34D Y0U G37 M3?   
TC3: [:o(](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x2_8ib6NEB0/Ur32TJiiheI/AAAAAAAAPiU/He_fZF97GDM/s1600/Oh-shit-Im-okay.gif)  
TA3: C4N 1 45K Y0U F0R 50M3 M0N3Y F0R 17? P4R75 4R3 3XP3N51V3.   
TC3: [:o)](https://media.giphy.com/media/1AhNXmfWcHnfq/giphy.gif)  
TA3: ... 1’LL 7RY 70 7H1NK 0F 4 PR1C3.  
TC3: :o)  
TA3: UHH... H0W 480U7 44 444 800N135?   
TC3: [:oD](https://media3.giphy.com/media/ErZ8hv5eO92JW/giphy.gif)  
TA3: 817CH7175. 1 G07CHU C0V3R3D 8R0!!  
TC3: [:oD](https://media.giphy.com/media/u14psEDvJQPle/giphy.gif)

* * *

glaringredConvert [GC1] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

GC1: h3y, l1l bro!   
GC1: st4tus upd4t3 on th3 groupch4t th1ng: 1t works won3rfully!   
GC1: 4lthough:   
GC1: 1 w1sh w3 could 3d1t th3 t1tl3, l1k3 you do 1n 4 m3mo, only 3v3ryon3 c4n do 1t – or som3 controls 4s to who c4n ch4ng3 th3 n4m3.   
GC1: som3 of th3 sp4c1ngs qu1t3 1ffy, but most of 1ts ok4y.   
GC1: som3on3 4lso s41d th4t th3 g1fs w3nt 4ll funny wh3n ins3rt3d 1nto the ch4t.   
TA4: thank2 mii22 redglare. wiill get round two fiixiing that a2 2oon a2 ii can, before 2endiing back two you. maybe ii could relea2e iit two the public iif iit’2 a2 good a2 you 2ay.   
GC1: 1t r34lly 1s! b3s1d3s thos3 sm4ll k1nks, 1t works f4nt4st1c4lly!   
GC1: 1 r34lly l1k3 the w1ndow show1ng who’s 1n th3 ch4t, so 1 don’t c4ll on som3on3 who’s l3ft 34rl13r. 4nd pl34s3, c4ll m3 R3dgl4r3!   
TA4: thank2 RG.   
GC1: no prob l1l c4ptor. no prob 4t 4ll.

glaringredConvert [GC1] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chapter when i was sick with norovirus, please forgive me.
> 
> P.S. Since everyone wanted Roxy To join, she has now joined Captor Tech Support.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this, ad feel free to ask a character and a tech problem for the Captor's and Roxy to fix ^u^
> 
> Have a lovely day, now, bu bye!


	8. Chapter 8 - Handles and Cholerbears.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AC has a purroblem! Can Mituna help?
> 
> Meanwhile, Sollux and Roxy are hacking their way into Condy's mainframe, and find quite an old file... what could it be?
> 
> And during all this Condy, completely obubblivious to her computer being hacked, tries to haggle Psii for her )(andle back... Will she get it back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Zang269 and RCWAK who said:
> 
> "Nepeta gets a wrist-husk, which gets sticky when COVERED IN THE BLOOD OF HER PURR-EY"  
> "I wouldn't mind seeing )(IC try to bargain for her old username back (in reference to the first crack memo.)"
> 
> Not as good as the others i dont think, i just wanted to update before i get nose deep in uni work - i have to very close deadlines so updates might not come for the next two weeks, sorry!

crockersCondescension [CC1] began trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1] via mobile!

CC1: yo can i have my handle back or knot?   
TA1: LET ME THIINK.   
TA1: N0.   
CC1: oh come on guppy  
CC1: what if i gave you a boonbuck  
TA1: N0.   
CC1: 2 boonbucks  
TA1: 5TIIL N0.   
CC1: 3 boonbucks?   
TA1: LET ME GET THII5 5TRAIIGHT. Y0U WIILL N0T GET Y0UR HANDLE BACK. Y0U NEVER WIILL GET Y0UR HANDLE BACK, BECAU5E II WIILL NEVER ALL0W Y0U T0 HAVE Y0UR HANDLE BACK, UNLE55 IIT II5 AN EXTREMELY DIIRE 5IITUATII0N. AND EVEN _THEN_ II 5TILL W0N’T ALL0W IIT.   
TA1: 50 MY AN5WER II5:   
TA1: FUCK. N0.   
CC1: omg, wat the glub do ya want from me?   
TA1: F0R Y0U T0 LEAVE ME AL0NE. DUH.   
TA1: BE5IIDE5, IIF Y0UR G0NNA ATTEMPT T0 BUY Y0UR HANDLE BACK, AT LEA5T G0 FUCKIING HIIGHER THAN _3 FUCKIING B00NBUCK5._  
TA1: THAT’5 CHUM’5 CHANGE. 

terminatedAncipital [TA1] ceased trolling crockersCondescension [CC1]!

CC1: wow. fucking rude

* * *

TG2: i thnik im almst in her system  
TG2: socap u stilt her?   
TG2: *still ther  
TG2: autocorrect omg y r u like this  
TA4: ye2 ii’m 2tiill here.   
TA4: ii’m ju2t tryiing two wheezle my way iinto whatever the fuck thii2 fiile ii2.   
TA4: waiit.   
TG2: r u in?   
TA4: ii’m iin.   
TA4: OH WOW, II AM OUT AGAIIN.   
TG2: wot? y????  
TA4: you don’t want two go intwo thii2 folder RX ii 2wear. iit’s the wor2t folder.   
TG2: sned it   
TA4: what, no.  
TG2: ill spam til u do it  
TG2: do it  
TG2: o it  
TG2: *do  
TA4: RX 2top ii don’t want two 2end iit.   
TG2: do it  
TG2: do it  
TG2: do it  
TG2: do it  
TG2: holy shit i think im gettn somewere in here  
TA4: UGH fiine. 

twinArmageddons [TA4] sent file: WHATTHEFUCKII2THII2.rar

TG2: ... y it a .rar?   
TG2: it aint a viris is it?   
TA4: II PROMII2E IIT I2N’T. IIT’2 WOR2E. iit’2 ju2t a liitle two biig two 2end.  
TG2: ah, i gotcha  
TA4: and holy 2hiit, really? you iin far?   
TA4: need me two do anythiing?   
TG2: ...  
TG2: wat  
TG2: watt ha   
TG2: wat tha*  
TG2: autocorrect pls.   
TG2: brb bleaching my eye balls  
TA4: god that’2 a mood  
TG2: im back  
TA4: hey  
TG2: and yea, pls help me over here. i cnat seem 2 get this thing to do the thing right. itz rejecting every shit i do; i need an extra pair of hands  
TA4: ii’m on the ca2e. 

* * *

crockersCondescension [CC1] began trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1] via mobile! 

CC1: ocray i got it  
CC1: how boat 10 bucks  
TA1: WHAT PART 0F WHAT II 5AIID DIID Y0U FAIIL T0 UNDER5TAND.   
TA1: TALK T0 ME AGAIIN AND II’LL BL0CK Y0U. 

terminatedAncipital [TA1] ceased trolling crockersCondescension [CC1]!

* * *

arsenicCatnip [AC4] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now…

TA3: H01, Y0U 4R3 7HR0UGH 70 C4P70R 73CH 5UPP0R7, WH47’5 7H3 PR08L3M YU0 G07?   
AC4: :33 < *AC nervously p33ks over the chat box. She is hesitant to say her purroblem*  
TA3: !   
TA3: 17’5 0K4Y AC, 1 4M H3R3 70 H3LP! *H3 PU75 H15 7HUM8 UP, FR13NDLY L1K3, 4ND GR1N5.*  
AC4: :33 < *AC is still hesitant, but she speaks up, knowing this :33*  
AC4: :33 < i think my wrist-husk is acting all furnny...  
AC4: :33 < *she says*  
TA3: *74 15 PUZZL3D* FURNN3Y? *H3 45K5*  
AC4: :33 < funny, sorry *AC clarifurs*  
TA3: 4WW N0!   
TA3: H0W517 4C71NG FUNNY, C4N 1 45K?   
AC4: :33 < *AC ponders the question, trying to find a good way to expurrlain it*   
AC4: :33 < it’s moving when im not even purressing it  
AC4: :33 < and also when i try to move it it doesn’t recognise my movements  
AC4: 33: < )):   
AC4: 33: < i dunno what i did to wreck it  
AC4: :33 < *she tells TA*  
TA3: *74 7H1NK5 H4RD 0N 7H15 PR08L3M, 83F0R3 C0M1NG UP W17H 4 P05518L3 C4U53* D1D Y0U G37 17 W37 50M3H0W? *H3 45K5*  
AC4: :33 < *AC is confused by what TA means, so she asks him to elaborate* wet?   
TA3: L1K3, D1D 50M3 50R7 0F L1QU1D G0 0N 70 17 8Y 4CC1D3N7? *74 45K5* D0N’7 W0RRY, W3’V3 4LL D0N3 1T 47 L3457 0NC3. *H3 R345UR45*  
AC4: :33 < i do wear it when i go hunting fur purrey  
AC4: :33 < oh! *AC just thought of something!*   
AC4: :33 < maybe some cholerbear blood went inside it  
AC4: :33 < *AC is worried* is it badly broken?   
TA3: N0P3!   
TA3: W417 WH47? CH0L3R834R 8L00D? *74 15 DUM8F0UND3D*  
AC4: :33 < yup!   
AC4: :33 < theyre r33l easy to hunt fur!   
AC4: :33 < *AC giggles* h33h33!   
TA3: UHH...  
TA3: 0K4YYYY...... *74 15 5L1GH7LY T3RR1F13D*  
AC4: :33 < :33 h33h33!  
TA3: 4NYW4Y, 1 7H1NK W17H 7H47, 1 7H1NK 17 JU57 N33D5 R3C4L18R471NG. 5H0ULD 83 N0 PR08L3M! *74 54Y5 C0NF1D3N7LY*  
TA3: 4T L3457 1 TH1NK 50. *74 L0535 4 L177L3 C0NF1D3NC3.*   
AC4: :33 < *AC nervously tugs her sleeve of her jacket* if it shouldn’t be a purroblem... can i give it to you fur fixing? *she asks*  
AC4: :33 < equius will kill me if i tell him i broke it again  
AC4: :33 < well, he would verbally chastise me *AC elaborates*  
AC4: :33 < D --> Nepeta 100k what you did now, you have gone and ruined the entire watch again I told you not to hunt with it on, you sh001d invest in putting your technology in your glasses  
AC4: :33 < or something.  
TA3: 4WW. Y0U GUY5 4R3 CUT3.  
AC4: :33 < h33h33 :33  
TA3: 8U7 Y34H, JU57 53ND 17 70 M3 WH3N Y0U C4N 4ND 1’LL G1V3 4 PR1C3 F0R Y0U 0NC3 1’M D0N3, 0K4Y?   
AC4: :33 < *AC is happy!*   
AC4: :33 < thank mew!!!   
AC4: :33 < mew’re r33ly helpful!!   
TA3: D0N’7 FURR-G37 70 G1V3 U5 4 5 574R R3V13W! *74 R3M1ND5 4C*  
AC4: :33 < h33h33! nice pun there :PP   
AC4: :33 < *AC waves goodbye to TA*   
AC4: :33 < bye!!   
TA3: *74 W4V35 84CK* 7H4NK Y0U! 

* * *

crockersCondescension [CC1] began trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1] via mobile! 

CC1: i got it  
CC1: 10 million boonbucks.   
CC1: for ma handle back.   
CC1: thats good aight  
TA1: 

terminatedAncipital [TA1] blocked crockersCondescension [CC1]!

CC1: srsly  
CC1: not even gonna accept 10 mill boonies?   
CC1: fin. ill take me serfishes elsewave  
CC1: wait why am i talkin to myshelf?   
CC1: i minnow im awesome as fuck but fish is stupid

crockersCondescension [CC1] ceased trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1]!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cant believe i actually got Mituna and Nepeta to roleplay the fix. A first in Tech Support History, probably.
> 
> Psii was so close to accepting that offer but he had to stick to his guns. _so close_
> 
> i think Pii was either sleeping or eating during this time period. or playing blackjack with the hookers Roxy somehow brought with her to the offices she made. 
> 
> Void players are insanely OP, Pii thinks.
> 
> Feel Free to drop a character + Tech problem!
> 
> Next Chapter: 
> 
> Roxy and Sollux hack into condy's computer and FUCK SHTI UP!  
> *shit
> 
> How will Condy get Psii to fix it for her? Will the handle ")(er Imperious Condescension" ever be used again? And who will be the next person to request help?
> 
> Find out next time on Captor Tech Support!


	9. Chapter 9 - Unr4d T1m3z

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Latula has the worst problem a GameGrl can have; a broken limited edition Troll Zelda controller! Who will come to her aid in this cr1t1c4l time of need?
> 
> Meanwhile, Condy tries to log in to her trollian on her PC, only to find that something is wrong; what could it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For HoctchA, who asked:  
> "I just realized that there is nowhere near enough Roxy-Latula interaction, and since we have Roxy working with Mituna, who's dating Latula, I think those two should meet. Maybe Latula has a broken game controller Roxy's never seen."
> 
> And also for Veetvojagig and Liritar, for being awesome in general.

)(er Imperious Condescension logged in!  
This handle has been banned from use! Please use another username! 

Welcome back, crockersCondescension [CC1]! Please insert password!   
***************

Unable to log in! Credentials are incorrect! Try again.   
***************

Unable to log in! Credentials are incorrect! Try again.   
***************

Incorrect Credentials. This account has been locked for -10 minutes-. Have you forgotten your password? 

)(IC: _no i have KNOT..._

* * *

gnarlyCreator [GC3] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: hello 4nd welcome to c4ptor tech 2upport how m4y we diirect your c4ll?   
GC3: do you guys d34l w1th g4m3grub r3mot3s?   
TA2: oh de4r god. ii h4ve no iide4 4bout them. they’ve h4d 4ll 2ort2 of upd4te2 2iince ii l42t u2ed them.   
TA2: ii’ll direct you to 2omeone who does know, ple42e hold.   
GC3: kk >8] 

* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA2: who w4nt2 two fiix 4 g4megrub controller?   
TA3: 1M 1LL  
TA2: we know you’re iill. you’ve been getting 2iick 4ll god d4mn d4y.   
TA2: ii’m kiind4 worriied ii’ll get iit.   
TA3: UGH FCUK Y  
TA2: ...  
TA2: eww, gro22.   
TG2: ooh i wanna do dat  
TG2: i wanna gte ma hands on some of dat shiz :P  
TA2: ok4y cool. th4nk2   
TG2: mo problemo!!

* * *

There has been an error logging in. Please try again later. 

)(IC: _what the GLUB?_

* * *

TG2: heyyy thx 4 usin captor tech support!   
TG2: your spekin 2 roxy rn how can i help?   
GC3: my controll3rs brok3, 4nd 1ts c4us1n 4ll k1nds of unr4d t1m3s >8/  
TG2: aww shti!   
TG2: *shit  
TG2: any particular erros?   
GC3: uh  
GC3: 1tz h4rd 2 3xpl41n but w3ll  
GC3: 1’v3 b33n look1n 1t up 4nd 1 th1nk th3 ch4rg1ng port 1s d4m4g3d.   
TG2: oh! r they recargeabl?   
GC3: y34 grl!   
GC3: 1ts r34l 4nnoy1n too!! c4us3 1tz my l1m1t3d 3d1t1on troll z3ld4 v3rs1on! you c4nt g3t th3s3 4nymor3!   
TG2: shiiiit that sux grl!   
TG2: but dont u be worryin babe i gotchu  
TG2: i gotchy reel gud ;)   
GC3: R4D1C4L!!!   
GC3: thx l4lond3 >;]  
GC3: w1ll 1t b3 tot3z ok4y?   
TG2: all u need 2 do is just fit in a new connector, btu if u want i can do it 4 u  
GC3: wo4h r34lly?   
TG2: i have _very_ steady fingers ;)   
GC3: >8O   
TG2: thsi is gonna be an adventure even jakey will be prunf of :P  
TG2: *proud  
GC3: h3llz y34 1t w1ll b3! >8P  
GC3: h3y onc3 1ts f1x3d w4nn4 h4ng out 4t my pl4c3?   
GC3: w3 c4n pl4y v1d3o g4m3s~ >8]   
TG2: latuley pyrop r u askin me on a dat?   
TG2: *date  
GC3: w4h?   
GC3: 1m just t4lk1n 4bout 4 grlz n1ght 1n, rox! wh4t do u t4k3 m3 4?   
TG2: ;) ;)   
GC3: m1ss l4lond3, 4r3 you com1ng onto m3??? >8O  
TG2: who knoooooooowwwwwssss??????  
TG2: bt srsly, idm hangin w/ u grl  
GC3: 4ww y34!!! r4d1c4l! 

* * *

crockersCondescension [CC1] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now...

TA1: H  
TA1: ...  
TA1: Y0U ARE THR0UGH T0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT.   
TA1: WHAT THE _FUCK_ D0 Y0U WANT.   
CC1: yo my pc wont let me log in  
CC1: its bein way weird  
TA1:   
TA1: BE M0RE 5PECIIFIIC.   
CC1: dont cha mean spefishic?   
TA1: N0.   
CC1: u mean pacific then?   
TA1: FUCK. N0.   
CC1: ...  
CC1: it wont let me do jack fish.   
CC1: cant click nofin  
TA1: N0W TELL ME WHAT’5 THE MATTER WIITH IIT WIITH0UT U5IING A FII5H PUN.   
CC1: shell, 

You have been disconnected! 

CC1: W)(AT. 

* * *

TA1: WHIICH 0NE 0F Y0U A55H0LE5 BR0KE )(--ER PC.   
TA1: A5KING F0R A FRIIEND.   
TA4: erm.   
TG2: uuhhhh  
TA1: H0W.   
TA1: H0W THE _FUCK._   
TA4: uuuuuhhhhhhhh...  
TA4: plea2e don’t kiill me?   
TA1: II’M N0T MAD.   
TA1: II’M JU5T.   
TA4: annoyed?  
TG2: dissapointer?  
TG2: *d?  
TA1: II AM FUCKIING _IIMPRE55ED._   
TA1: II _MADE_ HER VIIRU5 DEFENCE 5Y5TEM. H0W THE FUCK DIID Y0U TW0 GET PA5T IIT.   
TA4: why the fuck diid you make her antii-viiru2 iin the fiir2t place?   
TA1: ...  
TA1: N0T 5AYIING.   
TG2: that would explain the few hiccups we had along the way ;p  
TA4: oh my god.   
TG2: but it wz eazy overall tbh :p  
TG2: ;3  
TG2: i culdnt do it on my own tho, so socap helpd out hella much  
TA4: 2he ha2 a poiint. 2ome of 2hiit we were tryiing two do wa2n’t compiiliing riight for her, 2o ii helped out.   
TA4: and 2he diid the 2ame for me when 2omethiing ii made wouldn’t compiile.   
TA4: teamwork.   
TA1: QUE5TII0N. WHERE DIID Y0U C0NNECT IIT.   
TA4: ... what do you mean? handle or computer?   
TA1: YEAH, II5 IIT LIINKED T0 HER HANDLE. CAU5E IIF IIT II5 II HAVE T0 GIIVE )(--ER HER 0LD HANDLE BACK 50 II CAN FIIX IIT AND II D0N’T WANT T0 D0 THAT. E5PECIIALLY BECAU5E II’LL L00K LIIKE A C0MPLETE D0UCHEBAG.  
TA4: ...uh oh.  
TG2: oop  
TA1: 0H, G0D FUCKIING DAMN IIT.   
TA4: it’2 only liinked on her handle iif 2he 2iign2 iin on computer though!   
TA4: plea2e don’t kiill me.   
TG2: ur in troooooble ~  
TA4: ...  
TA4: 2hut the fuck up RX.   
TG2: :P

* * *

terminatedAncipital [TA1] has unblocked crockersCondescension [CC1]!

terminatedAncipital [TA1] began trolling crockersCondescension [CC1]!

TA1: 0KAY, L00K.   
TA1: II’M 0NLY ME55AGIING Y0U 50 Y0U D0N’T CL0G UP 0UR 5Y5TEM5 WIITH Y0UR MEANIINGLE55 PR0BLEM5.   
TA1: WE AT TECH 5UPP0RT HAVE DII5CU55ED Y0UR PR0BLEM.   
TA1: Y0U HAVE A VIIRU5. IIT’5 C0NNECTED T0 Y0UR HANDLE 0N C0MPUTER5, 50 Y0U CAN’T 5IIGN IIN 0N PC.   
CC1: so... now wat.  
TA1: 50, THE 0NLY WAY T0 GET IIT 0FF Y0UR ACC0UNT, II5 F0R ME T0 BL0CK 0FF THII5 HANDLE ENTIIRELY, 50 II CAN FIIX IIT; Y0U W0N’T HAVE ACCE55 T0 TR0LLIIAN F0R A WHIILE.  
TA1: PR0BLEM. BECAU5E 0F THE R05A PACT, N0 0NE II5 ALL0WED T0 BE WIITH0UT A C0NTACTABLE TR0LLIIAN HANDLE, JU5T IIN CA5E 50METHIING TERRIIBLE HAPPEN5. THII5 PACT II5 WHAT’5 GIIVIING ME PR0BLEMS - II CAN’T FIIX Y0UR HANDLE WIITH0UT BL0CKIING C0NTACT FR0M SAIID HANDLE, AND II CAN’T LEAVE Y0U HANGIING WIITH0UT A HANDLE. R05A WIILL KIICK MY A55 IIF II LEFT 50ME0NE IINACCE55ABLE. THAT II5 THE 0NLY REA50N WHY IIT HA5 C0ME D0WN T0 THII5. BECAU5E R05A II5 FUCKIING 5CARY.   
TA1: GETTIING T0 THE P0IINT, II HAVE T0 PR0VIIDE Y0U A TEMP0RARIILY FIIX T0 Y0UR PR0BLEM.  
CC1: which is...?  
TA1: WHIICH II5.   
TA1: <5IIGH>  
TA1: T0 GIIVE Y0U Y0UR 0LD HANDLE BACK UNTIIL II DEHACK Y0UR PC.   
TA1: BUT D0N’T Y0U DARE GET Y0UR H0PE5 UP. BECAU5E IIT’5 0NLY TEMP0RARY.   
CC1: AWW S)(--ELL YES!   
TA1: AND Y0U G0T Y0UR H0PE5 UP.   
TA1: THAT’5 JU5T FIINTA5TIIC.   
TA1: II MEAN FANTA5TIIC.   
TA1: FUCK.   
CC1: 38D  
TA1: N0.   
CC1: aww u like me n u minnow it  
TA1: FUCK. N0.   
CC1: 38D  
TA1: >>B(  
TA1: II HATE Y0U.   
TA1: II HATE Y0U M0RE THAN MERE W0RD5 CAN DE5CRIIBE.   
CC1: 3>8D  
CC1: 3> 8D  
CC1: 3>8D  
CC1: 3> 8D  
CC1: 3>8D

terminatedAncipital [TA1] has blocked crockersCondescension [CC1]!

CC1: 3>8D  
CC1: ill reel u in one day captor   
CC1: jus u wait   
CC1: <3<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah, one sided hatemance. Psii thinks (Hopes) its platonic on both sides. 
> 
> But it's not. it's just platonic on his side.
> 
> And _HELL_ I enjoyed writing Roxy and Latula interactions! I just hope I've written her right!
> 
> Once again, feel free to leave a comment on character and tech problem, though I do have a few plans thanks to people in a certain homestuckartists discord group (Thanks guys, btw!!)
> 
> Sorry i think this came out shorter than i wanted it to but it seemed good to end it there.
> 
> What will happen in the Next Chapter?
> 
> Will Mituna get better? Will Pii end up catching the illness? Will Psii be able to DeHack Condy's handle? Who will request Tech Support Next? And will Sollux get killed by Psii?


	10. Chapter 10 - HELL HATH ARRIVAL.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shenanigans are ensuing in the Captor Household! 
> 
> When Mituna leaves to kick his moirail's ass, Sollux finds that he's caught what Mituna had! Meanwhile, Psii has a meaningful conversation with his moirail, and leaves Piilot in charge.
> 
> This very same moment, when there is only two people able to take requests, a ton come through!! How Will Pii Cope? Will Roxy be able to help him out?
> 
> Meanwhile, GHB wonders if he has any Doritos left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKA the longest Captor Tech Support Chapter. I wrote this in 2 days.

terrorCarnival [TC3] began trolling torturedAftershock [TA3]!

TC3: HELP.   
TA3: WH47?   
TC3: HELP.   
TA3: WH47??   
TC3: HELP.   
TA3: WH47???   
TC3: CXCYEPTOGL;’E4   
TC3:   
TC3: HELP.   
TA3: * _WH47_ *????  
TA3: WH47’5 7H3 PR08L3M???? 

terrorCarnival [TC3] ceased trolling torturedAftershock [TA3]!

TA3: ??????   
TA3: ...  
TA3: 0H _N0_

terrorCarnival [TC3] began trolling torturedAftershock [TA3] via mobile! 

TC3: T^T  
TA3: *51GH*. KURL0Z, WH47 D1D Y0U D0?   
TC3: :'o(  
TA3: WH47. D1D Y0U D0.   
TC3: ...  
TA3: KURL0Z.   
TA3: WH47. 7H3 _FUCK_. D1D Y0U D0.   
TC3: DID YOU GET YOUR KNOWING ON THAT FAYGO AND COMPUTERS DONT MIX WELL WITH EACH OTHER?   
TC3: BECAUSE LETS JUST SAY I DID NOT, AND. WELL. YOU CAN GUESS THE REST.  
TC3: :'o)   
TC3: RIP.   
TA3: 0H. MY G0D.   
TA3: Y0U D1DN’T.   
TC3: ...  
TC3: I DID, AND IM SORRY.  
TC3: T^T  
TA3: 1...

torturedAftershock [TA3] is now idle! 

TC3: :o(  
TC3: I BROKE MITUNA, FUCK. 

torturedAftershock [TA3] is no longer idle! 

TA3: HMMMMMMMMMMM  
TC3: OH GOD.   
TA3: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
TC3: OH DEAR GOD.   
TA3: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
TC3: HERE IT COMES.   
TA3: 80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
TA3: FUKC1NG 53R10U5L7?????????????   
TA3: 0H MY G0D  
TA3: ****0H M7 G0D****  
TC3: SHOOOOOOOOSH.   
TA3:   
TC3: ...  
TC3: SOOOOOOOOOOO.................... CAN YOU HELP A BROTHER OUT?   
TA3:   
TA3: KURL0Z.   
TA3: 1’M G01NG 70 K1KC UR FUKC1N 455.   
TC3: OH NO. PLEASE DONT KILL ME.   
TA3: 1’M 0N MY M3RRY FUKC1N W4Y. D0WN T0 Y0UR H1V3. 50 1 C4N K1CK UR 455.   
TC3: OH MY GOD.   
TA3: CY4.   
TA3: FUCKR.   
TA3: >>D3  
TC3: UH. D3?   
TA3: 1T5 MY H4ML37, 0K47?   
TC3: OOOOH.   
TC3: THE B IS PROBABLY BETTER, IF IM HONEST.   
TA3: 8U7 7H3N 17’5 L1K3 P511’5 0N3 N 1 WN47 MY 03N 0N3.   
TC3: OOOOOOH.   
TC3: ... ARE YOU STILL MOTHER FUCKING ALL UP AND BEING AROUND TUNA? YOUVE GONE QUIET.   
TC3: TUNA?   
TC3: MOTHER. **FUCK**.  
TC3: IM MOTHER FUCKIN SORRY TUNA  
TC3: **TUNA!!**   
TC3: YOURE NOT BEING ALL UP AND IDLE I KNOW YOURE READING THIS. IT WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IF YOU WERE IDLE.  
TA3: H3H3H3 H3 H3H3H3 H3H3H3 H3H3 H3  
TC3: NO.   
TA3: U FUKCD 801  
TC3: _NO_.

torturedAftershock [TA3] ceased trolling terrorCarnival [TC3]!

TC3: MOTHER.   
TC3: FUCK.  
TC3: :o(  
TC3: TIME TO GO INTO THE PANIC ROOM I GUESS. :oD  
TC3: AHAHAHAHA. IM FUCKED.   
TC3: *SIGH*.

terrorCarnival [TC3] ceased trolling torturedAftershock [TA3]!

* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” 

TA2: hey, 2orry for puttiing thii2 here, but why the fuck diid miitun4 ju2t scre4m liike 4 squ4wkbe42t 4nd w4lk out?   
TA2: ...  
TA2: 4nd 2te4l my c4r?   
TA1: HA. HE 5T0LE Y0UR FUCKIING CAR. II5N’T HE LIIKE, 6?   
TA2: 9, ii thiink.   
TA1: WAIIT.   
TA1: WHY D0 Y0U EVEN *HAVE* A CAR.   
TA2: bec4u2e 2hut up.   
TA2: 2hut up ii2 why.   
TA1: ...  
TA2: ...  
TA2: 2ometiime2 the c4r’2 e42iier, ok4y?   
TA4: oh wow, ii feel liike 2hiit.   
TA4: what the fuck even II2 THII2?   
TG2: ur ill dummy  
TG2: prolyl wiv what tuney had   
TA4: but he kept throwiing up.   
TA4: and iim not throwiing up.   
TA4: ii ju2t woke up an ii feel liike 2HIIT.   
TG2: did eat somethin tuney ate   
TG2: or drank summet he drank frm?   
TA4: we 2hared one gla22 cau2e ii diidn’t want two wa2h –  
TA4: FUCK.   
TG2: hahahahha  
TG2: u idiot :P  
TA4: uuuuuuughhhhhhhh.   
TA4: fuuuuuuuck.   
TA4: ii’m goiing two KIILL hiim.   
TA4: oh f  
TA1: 0H MY G0D.   
TA1: HE JU5T PR0JECTIILE V0MIITED. THE ABLUTII0N5BL0CK II5 A 5TATE. HE DEFIINIITELY HA5 WHAT MIITUNA HAD.   
TA2: but why diid he ste4l my fuckiing c4r.   
TA1: WELL IIT I5N’T LIIKE HE CAN FLY.   
TA2: ...  
TA1: II’M RIIGHT, TH0UGH.   
TA2:... true.   
TA2: but  
TA1: BUT N0THIING. HE’5 0BVII0U5LY G0IING 50MEWHERE. H0PEFULLY N0WHERE T00 FAR.   
TA1: 0H, 5HIIT.   
TA2: wh4t?   
TA1: 5L TEXTED ME.   
TA1: ... THII5 II5 G0NNA TAKE A WHIILE.   
TA1: 5C TAKE 0VER F0R ME, KAY.   
TA2: k4y.   


* * *

carcinoGriever [CG1] began trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1] via mobile! 

CG1: MITUNA. FUCKING. CAPT9R.   
CG1: W9ULD Y9U 6E A DEAR, AND CARE T9 EXPLAIN WHY THE A6LUTI9NS6L9CK L99KS LIKE S9ME9NE MURDERED 69 SMURFS, GAVE THEIR 69DIES T9 A SU6JUGGLAT9R, WH9 GRINDED THEM UP AND PAINTED THE ENTIRE R99M WITH THEIR 6L99D AND RESPECTIVE 69DY PARTS?   
CG1: IF Y9U C9ULD, THAT W9ULD 6E GREAT.   
TA1: UHM.   
TA1: B0.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
CG1: THE NUM6ER SIXTY-NINE.   
TA1: 00H.   
TA1: UUUHHM.   
TA1: MIITUNA WA5 5IICK.   
CG1: AND Y9U NEVER TH9UGHT T9, I D9N’T KN9W...  
CG1: ***CLEAN IT THE FUCK UP???***   
TA1: II DIID.   
TA1: MULTIIPLE TIIME5.   
CG1: IT D9ESN’T FUCKING *L99K* LIKE Y9U DID!   
TA1: 50LLUX’5 5IICK N0W, T00.   
CG1: THAT.   
CG1: THAT W9ULD EXPLAIN WHY I SAW HIM LEAVE THE  
CG1: 999999HHH.   
CG1: I’M JUST G9NNA...  
CG1: STAY WITH MY M9M F9R A 6IT, THEN.   
TA1: IIT’5 FIINE, Y0U’RE N0T G0NNA CATCH IIT.   
TA1: 50LLUX G0T IIT CAU5E HE DIIDN’T WANT T0 WA5H UP, 50 U5ED MT’5 GLA55.   
TA1: ... Y0U HAVEN’T INF0DUMPED YET, 5L. WHAT II5 WR0NG.  
CG1:   
CG1: ...  
CG1: CAN I...  
CG1: CAN I HAVE AN9THER RANT A69UT KANKRI? I WANT T9 HAVE AN9THER RANT A69UT KANKRI.   
TA1: HUH. Y0U U5UALLY G0 T0 GH F0R THAT.   
CG1: HE’S 6USY! THERE WAS S9METHING A69UT... 9NE M9MENT, LET ME TRY T9 C9PY-PASTE.  
TA1: 0KAY.  
CG1: “KURLOZ IS PANICKING ABOUT SOMEONE COMING TO KICK HIS ASS, BUT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MOTHERFUCKING IDEA WHAT, WHOM, OR ANY KIND OF SORT AS TO A ***WHY***”  
CG1: ... 9R S9METHING. I L9ST TRACK 9F WHAT HE WAS TALKING A69UT, THAT WAS THE 9NLY SEMI-C9HERANT PART.   
TA1: ... 0H. 0H 5UDDENLY EVERYTHIING MAKE5 5EN5E.  
TA1: G0D. FUCKIING. _DAMN_ IIT. MIITUNA.   
CG1: HUH? WHAT DID HE D9 N9W?   
TA1: HE’5 G0NE T0 KIICK KURL0Z’5 A55, HA5N’T HE.   
CG1: 99H, PFFT. THAT EXPLAINS IT, THEN.  
CG1: KURL9Z IS FUCKING DEAD.   
TA1: RIIP.   
TA1: <5IIGH>  
TA1: FIINE. G0 0N Y0UR WEEKLY KANKRII RANT.   
CG1: IT’S N9T WEEKLY.   
TA1: N0, IIT’5 DAIILY.   
TA1: NIIGHLY?   
TA1: TIIME II5 AN IILLU5II0N.   
CG1: IT IS A HUMAN-M9NTHLY RANT AT 6EST.   
TA1:   
TA1:   
TA1:   
TA1: KANKRII.   
CG1: WHAT?   
TA1: II 5PEAK T0 GH 0N A BII-NIIGHTLY BA5II5.   
TA1: IIT’5 WEEKLY.   
CG1:   
CG1: FUCK Y9U.   
TA1: II’M RIIGHT TH0UGH.   
CG1: I H9PE Y9U CH9KE 9N A 6ULGE.   
TA1: EXACTLY H0W II WANT T0 DIIE.   
TA1: DR0WNIING IIN BULGE.   
CG1: THANK Y9U F9R THAT MENTAL IMAGE, I DEEPLY APPRECIATE IT.   
CG1: ANYWAY, 6ACK T9 THAT FUCKING SELF-ENTITLED ASSH9LE THAT UNF9RTUNATELY SHARES MY NAME.   
TA1: 0H, 5L, LET ME GET C0MF0RTABLE BEF0RE II BEGIIN PAPPIING THE 5HIIT 0UTTA Y0U. MEET ME 0N THE C0UCH IIN MY BL0CK.   
CG1: WHY D9 Y9U HAVE A C9UCH IN Y9UR 6L9CK?   
TA1: WHY _D0N’T_ Y0U HAVE A C0UCH IIN Y0UR BL0CK.   
CG1: UGH, FINE, I’M C9MING.   
TA1: >>BD

carcinoGriever [CG1] ceased trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1]!

* * *

aceTrainer [AT3] requested help!   
audaciousCreativity [AC2] requested help!   
absolutelyCatcrazy [AC3] requested help!   


_Oh de4r god. fuck you p2ii. fuck you two hell._  


* * *

Your request is being redirected now...

TG2: your thry 2 captr tech sorry for the wait   
TG2: its way hectic here!   
AT3: 1t’s cool, no worr1es........  
TG2: i mean, socaps sick, tuneys gone somewhre no one knoews n psiis too busy talkin to hsi moidail to b doin any work like, srsly???   
AT3: yeah 1 get you, these th1ngs happen......  
TG2: so whats ur probelm?   
AT3: well......  
AT3: 1 was try1ng to download some lyr1cs for a th1ng 1’m plann1ng...  
AT3: 1t’s a romant1c th1ng!   
AT3: and 1t’s from a, well, a completely leg1t1mate mus1c v1deo, 1 prom1se.........  
AT3: and when try1ng to f1nd some lyr1cs... 1.........  
AT3: got a v1rus...  
TG2: huh. cn i aks what vid?   
TG2: 4 background purposes casue thsi dsnt usualy happen when i look up music ya get me?  
AT3: 1 get you.  
AT3: and...  
AT3: well......  
AT3: ..................  
AT3: 1t was magnet...  
TG2: magnet?   
AT3: magnet.   
TG2: as in vocalodi song magnet?   
AT3: yes... the vocalo1d one...  
TG2: so im super uber sory bt   
TG2: PAHA AHAHAHAHA HAHAHAH AHAHHAAH   
AT3: VOCALO1D 1S GOOD, OKAY!!!   
TG2: U FUCKIGN IDIOT!!!! OMG IM LAUGHFDIN SO HARD RN JE SUS !!   
AT3: }:I  
TG2: im srry bt that’s jus funnty, u gotta c it rite?   
AT3: pfft, yeah, 1 see it. from an outs1de perspect1ve 1ts... pretty f*ck1ng stup1d...   
AT3: 1 mean. 1 could have just......  
AT3: checked the w1k1.   
TG2: PFFFF SJHDGSKDK  
TG2: OMG  
TG2: Y DIDNT U????   
AT3: well...  
AT3: 1 dunno, actually, now 1 th1nk about 1t......  
AT3: 1t was late and 1 wasn’t sleep1ng well...  
TG2: aww u poor bby  
TG2: u stil havin bad sleepin now?   
AT3: yeah, can’t seem to f1gure out why......  
TG2: hmm...   


* * *

Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: hello you 4re through to c4ptor tech 2upport.   
TA2: we 4re 2orry you h4ve been del4yed, we’re overwhelmed wiith reque2t2 4t thii2 current moment, 4nd we’re currently under2t4ffed.   
TA2: ii2 there 4nythiing ii c4n help you wiith?   
AC2: :33 < uh well...  
AC2: :33 < can you furix broken compurrters?   
AC2: :33 < beclaws well...  
AC2: 33X < I kind a buroke mine  
TA2: ii...  
TA2: how 2o?   
AC2: :?? < i ac-si-dental-ly?   
TA2: 4cciident4lly.   
AC2: :?? < acciidentally?   
TA2: wiithout the double ii.   
AC2: :OO < OOH!!   
AC2: :33 < i accidentally pushed it ofur  
AC2: :|| < and it fell  
AC2: :// < the side fell off  
AC2: :?? < i dunno what to do  
TA2: so iit’2 4 h4rdware problem.   
TA2: more2o 4 “the 2iide of my tower’2 come off”.   
TA2: ii2 the thiing workiing?   
AC2: :(( < i didnt want to tury beclaws im worried it is buroke  
TA2: w4iit, _do_ you h4ve a tower?   
AC2: :?? < tower?   
AC2: :?? < is that what the big box is called?   
TA2: ye2, were you r4ii2ed iin the wood2?   
AC2: :DD < I WAS!! :DD  
AC2: :33 < a forest actually! h33h33  
TA2: oh.   
TA2: well.   
TA2: ok4y.   
TA2: ... how w42 th4t for you? 

* * *

authorsCalamity [AC1] began trolling carcinoGriever [CG1]!

AC1: :3c > heeeey kankitty???   
CG1: MEULIN, Y9U ARE INTERRUPTING MY PILE SESSI9N WITH PSII. WHAT D9 Y9U WANT?   
AC1: :3c > oh so you DO have psii hostage  
AC1: :3c > you do realise he has to be at work, right?   
CG1: WHAT W9RK? PSII D9ESN’T W9RK.   
AC1: :3c > why don’t you ask him about it hmmmmmm???   
CG1: UGH, FINE I WILL.   
CG1: ...  
CG1: 9H MY G9D.   
CG1: H9W DID I N9T KN9W?   
CG1: WHY ARE Y9U ASKING?   
CG1: WELL, PESTERING ME T9 ASK.   
AC1: :3c > well...  
AC1: 3X< > BECLAWS MEOWLIN WONT SHUT THE FUCK UP  
AC1: ( =>д<=) < WHY AREN’T THEY ANSFURING ME??   
AC1: ((╬●∀●) < THEY ANFURED HER, SO WHY AREN’T THEY ANSFURING ME?????????  
AC1: (o^‥^)o < WHAT DO MEW MEAN THEY’RE UNDFURSTAFFED???   
AC1: (=｀ェ´=) < THEY HAVE LIKE 5 PEOPLE WORKING THERE, SO THAT’S IMPURSSIBLE!!  
AC1: 3X< > UGH WHY DO YOU EFURN CARE!! OH MY GOD, SHUT UP PURRLEASE!!   
CG1: MEULIN. SH9999SH. Y9U ARE STRETCHING Y9UR ME9W6EAST PUNS.   
CG1: ALS9, APPARENTLY EVERY CAPT9R W9RKS IN THIS J96 RIGHT?  
AC1: :3c > yeah all of them plus the pink human  
CG1: 9H. WELL, MITUNA’S G9NE T9 KICK KURL9Z’S ASS, AND S9LLUX IS THR9WING UP. S9... THEY REALLY ARE UNDERSTAFFED.  
AC1: :Oc > oooh  
AC1: :|c > and you have psii  
CG1: MEULIN. PLEASE. I DIDN’T KN9W HE HAD A J96.  
AC1: :|c > you would furink that it would be the purrst thing to come up, but appurrently not  
CG1: 9H G99D L9RD, MEU. IT JUST NEVER CAME UP IN C9NVERSATI9N. H9W W9ULD I HAVE EVEN ASKED??? LIKE, HEY PSII, D9 Y9U HAVE A J96?? WHY W9ULD I ASK IF HE HAS A J96 ANYWAY???  
CG1: AND 6ESIDES, I HAVE HIM CAPTIVE F9R A VERY SERI9US REAS9N.  
AC1: :|c  
AC1: :/c > i dont believe you  
CG1: MEULIN. IT WAS AN IMP9RTANT 6ITCHING SESSI9N. I NEEDED THIS.  
AC1: :/c > ...  
AC1: :/c > you called it a bitching session  
AC1: :/c > therefore its not impurrtant  
CG1: WELL WH9 ELSE AM I MEANT T9 G9 T9? I HAVE T9 6ITCH T9 *S9ME9NE*, MEULIN! AND 6EF9RE Y9U SAY ANYTHING, GH IS 6USY TRYING T9 CALM KURL9Z D9WN. N9 9NE KN9WS WHY HE’S PANICKING, N9R D9 THEY KN9W WHY MITUNA’S LEFT T9 KICK HIS ASS.   
CG1: WHAT THE FUCK WENT D9WN MEULIN?   
CG1: I’M CURI9US.   
AC1: >83 > mew can bitch to me all mew want, you know   
CG1: WHY D9ES Y9UR CAT FACE HAVE G99GLES, N9W?   
AC1: >83 > beclaws fuck mew is why  
CG1: ...  
CG1: FINE I’M C9MING 9VER.   
CG1: D9N’T WANT T9 GET THIS 6UG ANYWAY.   
AC1: >83 > H33H33  
AC1: >83 > See you <33  
CG1: .................  
CG1: F9R S9ME REAS9N, I AM D9U9TING THE VALIDITY 9F THAT HEART.   
AC1: :|c > ...  
CG1: THAT WAS SARCASTIC.   
AC1: :|c > ...  
AC1: 83c > and the truth?   
CG1: ASDFGHJKL;’   
CG1: 9KAY I’M G9ING, JEGUS.   
AC1: :?c > Jegus?   
CG1: KARKAT SAYS IT A L9T. HE SAYS HE D9ESN’T, 6UT HE D9ES.   
CG1: IT’S CATCHY.   
CG1: (:B  
AC1: :Oc > oooh  
AC1: >83 > seeeeee yoooouuuu

authorsCalamity [AC1] ceased trolling carcinoGriever [CG1]!

CG1: ...  
CG1: WHY ARE MY QUADRANTS S9 FUCKED UP. N9 W9NDER KANKRI SAYS I JUST DECIDED T9 “TAKE A DUMP 9VER THE QUADRANTS”. I EXPECTED IT FR9M KARKAT, 6UT INSTEAD HE JUST 6LURTS 9UT THAT IT’S “R9MANTIC”. I’M LIKE, KARKAT. 6UDDY. Y9U ARE READING *WAY* T99 MANY R9MANCE N9VELS.   
CG1: WHY AM I TALKING T9 MYSELF? 

carcinoGriever [CG1] ceased trolling  authorsCalamity [AC1]!

* * *

TA1: II LEAVE. F0R 2 H0UR5. AND WE HAVE A METRIIC FUCKT0N 0F REQUE5T5, 50LLUX’5 EVACUATIING HII5 B0WEL5 IIN THE ABLUTII0N5BL0CK, THERE II5 A MYSTERY PIIZZA IIN THE 0VEN, AND 0NE 0F 50LLUX’5 GF’5 DECIIDED T0 C0ME 0VER.   
TA1: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE II C0ME BACK T0.   
TA1: IIT’5 LIIKE II’VE LEFT F0R PIIZZA AND 5UDDENLY THE ENTIIRE HIIVE’5 0N FIIRE.   
TA1: H0LY FUCKIING 5HIIT.   
TA1: II’M NEVER LEAVIING Y0U IIN CHARGE AGAIIN, 5C, FUCKIING HELL. 

* * *

Your request is being redirected now...

TA1: HELL0 Y0U ARE THR0UGH T0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT, 50RRY F0R THE L0NG WAIIT. H0W MAY II DIRECT Y0UR CALL?   
AC3: (^･o･^) < HI!!!!!!!!!   
TA1: ... HII.   
AC3: ~(=^‥^)/ < I PURRESSED THIS CAUSE MY COMPURRTER’S BROKEN,  
AC3: (=ＴωＴ=) < AND IT R33LLY SUCKS!!!!!!!!!   
TA1:   
TA1: WHAT’5 WR0NG WIITH IIT.   
AC3: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ < THE THING WON’T LOAD TROLL SIMS 3  
AC3: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ < SO NOW I CAN’T GET TO MY GAY BABIES (=；ェ；=) ITS AWFUR!!!!!!!!!   
TA1: UHH.   
TA1: II5 THE... II5 THE DII5K 5CRATCHED?   
AC3: (^._.^) < OF COURSE IT’S CAT-SCRATCHED  
TA1: THAT’5 PR0BABLY WHY.   
TA1: II W0ULD 5UGGE5T BUYIING IIT 0N TR0LL 5TEAM. II KN0W WHAT Y0U LEIIJ0N’5 ARE LIIKE WHEN IIT C0ME5 T0... WELL, 5CRATCHIING.   
AC3: (=ＴωＴ=) < WHAT DOES CAT-SCRATCHING A DISK DO ANYWAY?   
TA1: MAKE5 THE GAME UNPLAYABLE, WHY.   
AC3: (^･o･^)ﾉ < OOH!   
AC3: (=^･^=) < THANK YOU FUR ALL YOUR HELP MR PSII!   
AC3: (^._.^) < NOW TO SEE IF KURLOZ WILL GET ME THE GAME ON TROLL STEAM.   
TA1: DIIDN’T Y0U TW0 BREAK UP.   
AC3: (=^･^=) < YEP, BUT WE’RE STILL GOOD FURIENDS!   
TA1: 0KAY THEN.   
TA1: THANK Y0U F0R U5IING TECH 5UPP0RT, AND HAVE A NIICE DAY.   
AC3: (=^･^=) < THANKS!! BYE!!!!!!!!! 

* * *

TA1: 0H MY G0D, THAT WA5 THE W0R5T. AND II TH0UGHT R05A WA5 BAD.   
TA1: II W0NDER H0W THE 0THER5 ARE D0ING.   
TA1: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN II5 A GAY BABY.   
TA1: II HAVE 50 MANY QUE5TII0N5. 

* * *

terrifyingClowns [TC1] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC4]!

TC1: hey kid?  
TC4: woah, what the fuck?   
TC1: ARE WE OUT OF DORITOS?   
TC4: wh.  
TC4: why would i know that?   
TC4: how the motherfuck _would_ i know that? i don’t do any shopping.  
TC4: so _why_ are you motherfucking asking _me?_   
TC1: why are you asking so many mother fucking questions?   
TC1: ... AND HOW DID YOU GET YOUR WORDS TO BE ALL SLANT-LIKE??  
TC4: just like. do the bottom dash thingy on either side? it ain’t no kind of rocket science.  
TC1: woah woah woah. wait.  
TC1: YOU CAN DO THAT??????  
TC4: oh my god, you ancient motherfucking dinosaur.  
TC4: YES, YOU CAN DO THAT. JUST GET ALL PRESSING AT THE MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSCORING ON THE EITHER SIDE OF THE GODDAMN SHITTING WORDAGE YOU WANT TO BE THE SLANTAGE, THEN BAM, A MOTHERFUCKER BE SLANTED ONCE Y’ALL HAVE PRESSED THE MESSIAHS DAMNED ENTER BUTTON ON YA SHITTING TEXT BOX THING. DUH.  
TC1: ... dinosaur??? that’s harsh bro! :o(  
TC1: YOU KNOW, I HAVE FUCKING _FEELINGS!_ AND YOU’VE JUST _HARSHED ON THEM!!!!_ >:o(  
TC4: and congratulations. you just slanted your words.  
TC1: ... messiahs be blessed that is a motherfucking miracle.  
TC4: actually it’s modern technology, but that in itself be all kinds of miracles, so yeah. a motherfucking miracle. also... i called you a motherfucking dinosaur so you’d have an excuse to slant. i be all kinds of glad that it got its work on.  
TC1: DAMN, KID!!! YOU GOT ME GOOD! I’M FUCKING PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING ALL ABLE TO PULL THAT SHIT ON A MOTHERFUCKER.   
TC4:   
TC4: jgskdsjs honk  
TC1: :oP  
TC4: hOnKhOnK HoNkHoNk  
TC4: HoNk  
TC1: WHAT’S ALL UP, KID?  
TC4: huh?  
TC4:   
TC4: hOnK.  
TC1: ...... has no one ever said that to you before???  
TC4:   
TC4: look at the time it is time for me to look out of a window and stare off into space so i am going to do that now BYE.  
TC1: ...  
TC1: what?  
TC4: hey, why is mituna here?  
TC1: OH, MOTHER _FUCK._ KURLOZ, WHAT DID YOU _DO????_

terrifyingClowns [TC1] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC4]!

TC4: yep, he is going to abuse that new-found power.   
TC4:   
TC4:   
TC4: _he’s proud of me sdfhkjhakshas HONK_  
TC4: i am going to DIE.  


terminallyCapricious [TC4] ceased trolling terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

* * *

TG2: man that rly stinks!   
AT3: 1 know, r1ght!!   
AT3: but thanks, doll, 1 really apprec1ate all the help......  
TG2: tis not aproblme! aks me anytime ;)   
AT3: yeah, 1 probably w1ll... }:)  
TG2: my handlez tipsyGnostalgic, k?   
AT3: guess you already know my one, r1ght?   
TG2: ye, aceTrainfr   
TG2: *trainer  
TG2: is that a pokemanz thign  
AT3: 1s that what the humans call f1duspawn?   
TG2: i thnk so! prolyl should cotunue this convo privtly, k??  
AT3: oh sure, thank you!!!   
TG2: no, thnk u 4 usin captr tech supprt!   


* * *

AC2: :33 < and one time, a giant cholerbear was turying to eat me, but then i whipped out my claws!   
AC2: ;33 < and showed that cholerbear just WHO it was messing with!! h33h33  
TA2: holy fuckiing 2hiit how 4re you 2tiill 4liive?   
AC2: ;33 < ;33  
AC2: :33 < and i got the ofur screw in!!   
TA2: 4we2ome24uce.   
AC2: X33 < h33h33h33  
AC2: X33 < awesomesauce  
TA2: 4we2ome24uce ii2 the be2t word ever, of 4ll tiime.   
AC2: X33 < it is!!   
TA2: now try two 2wiitch iit on.   
AC2: :DD < IT WORKS!!!!!   
AC2: X33 < THANK YOU!!   
TA2: 2’no prob! >>8D  
TA2: th4nk2 for u2iing c4ptor tech 2upport!   
AC2: X33 < h33h33!! 

* * *

TA1: ... 5C.   
TA2:   
TA2: ye2?   
TA1: Y0U ARE NEVER BEIING IIN CHARGE AGAIIN.   
TA1: II W0ULD 500NER LET FUCKIING MIITUNA BE IIN CHARGE THAN Y0U.   
TA2: oh FUCK YOU TO HELL 4ND B4CK.   
TA1: FUCK Y0U.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT 5H0UTP0LE>   
TA2: FUCK _YOU!!_  
TA3: H1, HW47’5 G01NG 0N H3R3  
TA3: 50RRY 1M 0N M081L3  
TA3: 1 7H1NK 1 G07 N071F13D  
TA1: MIITUNA. FUCKIING. CAPT0R.   
TA3: Y37H?   
TA1: WHERE HAVE Y0U BEEN T0DAY?   
TA3: 0H, KURL0Z P0UR3D F4YG0 0N H15 K3Y804RD, LI73RLLY 2 W33K5 4F73R 1 F1X3D 17  
TA3: 50 1 W3N7 70 H15 H1V3 70 K1KC H15 H1V3 4ND F1X 17  
TA3: *455, 1 M34N7 455.  
TA3: 4L50. 1M G0NN4 574Y 7H3 N1GH7, 50 7H3R35 7H17.  
TA3: #W4GGL35 3Y38R025 LMF40.  
TA1: ...  
TA2: you took my fuckiing C4R.   
TA3: Y37H 1 DD1D.   
TA2:   
TA1:   
TA1: WHEN Y0U GET BACK II AM G0IING T0 KIICK Y0UR FUCKIING A55.   
TA1: Y0U ARE N0T HAVIING PIIZZA F0R A WEEK.   
TA3: WH7A7A7???   
TA3: N0 F4IR!?!?   
TA3: W7F 7H3 FUKC??:   
TA2: H4.   
TA2: IIF YOU W4NN4 USE MY C4R 42K FIIR2T, OH MY GOD.   
TA3: 1 7H0UGH7 1 D1D??? D1D Y0U N07 CH3CK Y0UR 7R0LL14N????   
TA2: II  
TA2: ...  
TA1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.   
TA2: FUCK.   
TA1: BUT Y0U’RE 5TIILL N0T HAVIING PIIZZA F0R A WEEK.   
TA3: N000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!!!!!!!!!   
TA3: W487 4R3 Y08 GR0UND1NG M3???/??   
TA1: YE5. N0 VIIDE0 GAME5. F0R A WEEK.   
TA3: NQ3W0FD  
TA3: N0N0N0N0N  
TA1: EXCEPT VIIDE0 GAME M0NDAY. II’LL ALL0W IIT F0R VIIDE0 GAME M0NDAY.   
TA3:   
TA3: 7H475 F41R  
TA3: 50RRY  
TA3: 1 5H0ULDN4 JU57 L3F7 L1K3 7H47  
TA3: 8U7 1 JU57 G07..   
TA3: YKN02!!   
TA1: II UNDER5TAND, D0N’T W0RRY.   
TA2: IIF YOU’RE GROUNDIING MIITUN4, THEN IIM GROUNDIING YOU.   
TA1: WHAT??!   
TA2: YOU COMPLETELY LEFT ME FOR YOUR FUCKIING MOIIR4IIL JU2T LIIKE MIITUN4 DIID WIITH HII2, YOU FUCKIING HYPOCRIITE!!   
TA2: YOU H4VE 4 FUCKIING JOB!! HELL, YOU’RE THE FUCKIING BO22 OF THII2 PL4CE!!   
TA1: Y0U 5AIID Y0U C0ULD HANDLE IIT?!!?   
TA2: 4RE YOU 2ERIIOU2LY TH4T 2HOCKED TH4T YOU’RE U2IING ENDIING PUNCTU4TIION TH4T II2N’T 4 PERIIOD??   
TA1: *****YE5!!!!!!!*****   
TA1: <IIN5ERT EVEN M0RE 5H0UTP0LE5>   
TA1: <AN ENTIIRE G00GLEPLEX 0F 5H0UTP0LE5>  
TA1: Y0U CAN’T GR0UND ME, II’M 0LDER THAN Y0U!!   
TA2: JU2T FUCKIING TRY ME!!   
TA1: Y0U  
TA2: FUCKIING  
TA2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
TA1: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
TA3: UUUHHHH...  
TA4: ...  
TA4: okay ii thiink they’re goiing on the roof.   
TA4: iim not goiing two get iinvolved.   
TA4: ... what the fuck happened  
TA3: 1 UH  
TA3: 1 H4V3 N0 1D34.   
TA3: WHY R U 50 QU137  
TA4: fuck.   
TA4: you.   
TA4: ii got what you had.   
TA3: 0WCH. F33L 83773R 500N  
TA4: ...... thank2.   
TA4: RX, do you know what’2 goiing on?   
TA4: RX?   
TG2: sorry, im tryin 2 figur out why ruf cnt sleeb  
TA3: RUF 45 1N RUF10H?  
TG2: yh tuney y?  
TG2: wher wer u bt dubs  
TA3: K1KC1NG MY M01R4IL5 455   
TG2: oo  
TA3: 4ND H35 4LW4Y5 833N 1FFY W17H 5L33P, 1T5 0DD.  
TG2: rly?  
TA3: MHM   
TA3: 1 7H1NK 17 M1GH7 83 LIK3, G3N371C.  
TG2: oo? y?  
TA3: W3LL FR0M WH47 1V3 H34RD:   
TA3: 7H3 5UMM0N3R 70LD M1NDF4NG F0R 50M3 R3450N, WH0 70LD R3DGL4R3 1N 4 HUFF, WH0 70LD D4RKL33R WH3N 5H3 W45 80R3D, WH0 TOLD GH8 WH3N H3 W45 W0ND3R1NG WH47 70 M4K3 F0R D1NN3R, WH0 T0LD KURL0Z DUR1NG D1NN3R, WH0 T0LD M3 0FFH4ND3DLY DUR1NG 4 P1LE 535510N.........   
TA3: 7H47 7H3 5UMM0N3R H45 1N50MN14.  
TG2: ...  
TA4: ...  
TG2: that was lirally a ‘rufs ecto-doobles gf’s hatemate’s bestfriends boyfriends ecto-dobule todl me’ thing  
TA3: 50?  
TG2: I cant belieev that’s amaxign oh my god  
TA3: >>DD  
TA3: ...  
TA3: KURL0Z I5 R1GH7 7H3 8 15 83773R.  
TA4: iim ju2t gonna carry on 2peakiing to FF, cya.  
TA4: ii feel fuckiing DII2GU2TIIN.  
TA3: Y0U’R3 H4NG1NG 0U7 W17H 3D F0R T00 L0NG.  
TA3: Y0U DR0PP3D 4 G.  
TA3: 4L50, D15GU571NG?  
TA4: ...  
TA4: FUCK YOU’RE RIIGHT.  
TA4: AAAAAAAAAAAA  
TA3: 3H3H3H3H3H3  
TA4: anyway bye  
TA3: >>0)  
TA3: ........  
TA3: WH3N W1LL MY 3M071C0N5 R37U4N FR0M 7H3 W4R.  
TG2: parently ruf had no idea he had insomicn tho   
TA3: 00  
TA3: Y34H 17’5 4 R34L PR08L3M  
TA3: 1 D0N’7 7H1NK 7H3 07H3R N17R4M5 H4V3 17  
TA3: 73LL H1M 70 CHUG C0FF33 4ND M0N5T3R  
TG2: tuney  
TG2: no  
TG2: bby no  
TA3: H3 PR0LLY D035 7H47 4NYW4Y  
TG2: he gots a virus from tryin 2 fidn lyrisx 2 a voclioid song, bruh  
TA3: FUKC1N  
TA3: 53RR1085LY?  
TG2: ye  
TA3: 457YIH0GL;;  
TA3: 0H MY G0D  
TA3: FUKC 1M DY1GN  
TA3: 4HH 4H4H4H4H4H4  
TA3: 5H17 KUR’5 L00K1N 47 M3 W0RR13D, L00K WH47 U M43D M3 D0 R0X  
TA3: 80XY R0XY  
TA3: R0X 80X  
TA3: R08L0X  
TG2: oh m y od  
TA3: Y0UR3 N4M3 15 R08L0X  
TG2: PAHAHAHA  
TG2: MY FIGKIGN TROL NAM E  
TA3: H0LLY FUCLG  
TA3: R08L0X, DM M3 P4H4H4 4H4H4H4H4  
TG2: okay!!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKA: the chapter where the Beta Ancestors have pet peeves about their respective beforus counterparts
> 
> Dedicated to the HomestuckArtist'sDiscordServer, and Nitram Lovers Clock-Heart and Kisbys.
> 
> Especially Kisbys. Because of the VocaloidLover!Rufioh Nitram headcanon, i mean, i even drew him doing PoPiPo once.


	11. Chapter 11 - Discussions and other Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy's having a day off to chillax with her gfs and bffs, thus letting the captor boys deal with all the techie problems the tech-unsavvy public have.
> 
> To be honest, i dont blame her. I'd want a day off too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whats this?
> 
> A New Chapter? In _my_ Fic? It's more likely than you'd think

TA4: ff. what diid you do.   
CC4: I dunno! 38(  
CC4: All I’m sure of is that it says all my storage space is FULL!! >38(  
TA4: ...  
TA4: how much of that 2pace ii2 piicture2 of cuttlefi2h?  
CC4: u)(...  
CC4: ............

cuttlefishCuller [CC4] has blocked twinArmageddons [TA4]!

TA4: god damn iit FF.  


* * *

abrasiveAntisocialist [AA3] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA1: Y0U’RE THR0UGH T0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT, H0W MAY WE HELP Y0U T0DAY.  
AA3: 私はヘンタイを見ていましたが、今はコンピュータが動き出しています [I WAS LOOKING AT HENTAI AND NOW MY COMPUTER IS ACTING UP.]  
TA1: WHAT.  
TA1: II D0N’T HAVE THE PR0CE550R5 T0 TRAN5LATE 5YMB0L LANGUAGE ANYM0RE, BUT II’LL ATTEMPT.  
TA1: Y0U WERE... WATCHIING IINAPPR0PRIIATE VIIDE05, AND N0W Y0UR C0MPUTER’5 ACTIING WEIIRD.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
AA3: 基本的にはい [BASICALLY, YES.]  
TA1: 0KAY, II THIINK THAT’5 A YE5.  
TA1: 50, IIT C0ULD BE A VIIRU5, WHIICH FUCKIING 5UCK5.  
TA1: II CAN TAKE A L00K AT IIT F0R Y0U IIF Y0U WANT.  
AA3: SURE.  
TA1: 0KAY, LET’5 DII5CU55 WHAT TIIME IIT’LL BE BE5T F0R Y0U T0 C0ME AL0NG WIITH Y0UR C0MPUTER.  
AA3: BLUH.  


* * *

twinArmageddons [TA4] started trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1]!

TA4: uhh...  
TA1: WHAT D0 Y0U WANT.  
TA4: ii don’t know how two 2ay thii2 but...  
TA4: ii thiink ii broke my iiGrub.  
TA1: H0W THE FUCK DIID Y0U D0 THAT.  
TA4: well ii, ii can’t fiit anythiing on there anymore and ii can’t for the liife of me fiigure out why.  
TA4:   
TA1: HAVE Y0U TH0UGHT AB0UT IIF Y0U, II D0N’T KN0W, PUT T00 MANY MEME5 0N THERE.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
TA4: nah iit can’t bee that.  
TA4: ii don’t have that many on there.  
TA1: REALLY.  
TA4:   
TA4: ...  
TA4: fuck you.

twinArmageddons [TA4] has blocked terminatedAncipital [TA1]!

TA1: >>B|  
TA1: KNEW IIT.

* * *

grimAuxillatrix [GA4] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: hii, welcome two c4ptor tech 2upport! how m4y we be of 422ii2t4nce tod4y?  
GA4: Sorry To Be A Bother But It Appears That My CD Tray Isnt Working Correctly  
TA2: huh, th4t’2 odd.  
TA2: wh4t’2 2eem2 two be wrong wiith iit?  
GA4: Well When I Insert The Disk It Doesnt Close Correctly  
GA4: It Also Scratches My Disks Too Which Is  
GA4: Really Fucking Annoying To Say The Least  
TA2: th4t’2 4 2tr4nge 2iitu4tiion.  
TA2: 2o iit open2 ok4y but when you put 2omethiing iinsiide iit iit bre4k2?  
TA2: well, doe2n’t clo2e?  
GA4: Thats Basically The Problem Yes  
TA2: ii gotch4.  
TA2: ii’m ju2t goiing two di2cu22 thii2 problem wiith the other2 two get 4 2econd opiiniion on the m4tter, ii2 th4t 4lriight wiith you?  
TA2: heh, 2econd opiiniion.  
GA4: Hahaha  
GA4: And Yes Thats Fine  
GA4: Thank You For Trying  
TA2: no problem, 2’wh4t we’re here for >>8D  
TA2: ok4y ii’ll ju2t put you on hold for two 2ecs.  
GA4: Alright

* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA2: 4lriight 2hiithe4d2 who c4n help me out here.  
TA2: 2omeone’2 come up 4nd s4iid th4t they c4n’t get theiir dii2k2 iin theiir dii2k driive.  
TA2: 2olutiion?  
TA4: who ii2 iit.  
TA2: dude, cu2tomer confiidentii4liity.  
TA2: ever he4rd of iit?  
TA4: iif ii know who’2 a2kiing ii’ll know the 2olutiion, 2hiithead.  
TA2:   
TA2: theiir h4ndle ii2 griim4uxiill4triix, iif th4t help2.  
TA4: KN?  
TA2: iif th4t’2 who th4t ii2, then ye2.  
TA4:  
TA4: ha2 2he triied pre22iing the f2 key.  
TA2: ...  
TA2: ii’m not 42kiing her th4t.  
TA4: ugh, ju2t tran2fer iit two me then.  
TA2: ok4y, 4lriight, ii’ll tell her 2he’2 goiing to be tr4n2ferred.  
TA4: kay.

* * *

TA2: hey iit’2 me 4g4iin.  
GA4: Hello Again  
GA4: Did you Find A Solution  
TA2: not 4t thii2 p4rtiicul4r moment, however one of my colle4gue2 wii2h2 two conver2e wiith you two fiind the c4u2e of your problem.  
GA4: Let Me Guess  
GA4: Sollux  
TA2: ...  
TA2: do you guy2 not even c4re for confiidentii4liity?  
GA4: While Im Not Saying We Dont  
GA4: I Just Know He Would Rather Tell Me Whats Wrong Himself  
GA4: Its Just The Way He Is Half The Time  
TA2:   
TA2: ok4y, f4iir.  
TA2: tr4n2ferriing you now.  
GA4: Thank You For Assisting Anyway  
TA2: 4ww, you’re welcome  
TA2: >>8)

* * *

TA2: 2ollux you’re up.  
TA2: 2he 4l2o knew iit w42 you ii w42 tran2ferriing her two.  
TA4: that’2 weiird.  
TA4: but alriight then, ii’ll have thii2 problem fixed iin no time at all. ju2t you watch.

* * *

cuttlefishCuller [CC4] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA3: W3LC0M3 70 C4P70R 73CH 5UPP0R7 H0W M4Y W3 H3LP Y0U 70D4Y?  
CC4: )(I!!!  
CC4: U)( well, my computers a little...  
CC4: Wet.  
TA3: W37?  
TA3: H0W 50?  
CC4: Bay-fis)(ly, I saw the CUT----EST CUTTL---EFIS)( ----EV---ER!!!  
CC4: And I just )(ad to s)(ow t)(e otters!  
TA3: 0773R5?  
TA3: WH47 D0 Y0U M34N 8Y 7H47?  
CC4:   
CC4: T)(e cuttlefis)(.  
TA3: Y0U PU7 Y0UR C0MPU73R. 1N W473R. 70 5H0W 7H3 CU77L3F15H. 4 P1C7UR3 0F 4 CU77L3F15H.  
CC4: It was a cute cuttlefis)(.  
CC4: I couldn’t knot!  
TA3: ...  
TA3: PR0V3 17.  
CC4: [380](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/247920138479730699/284453023931957248/image.jpg)  
TA3: 1 H4V3 70 54Y, 7H47 15 4 CU73 CU77L3F15H.  
CC4: 38D  


* * *

GA4: What Do Mean  
TA4: ii mean, what way is the on/off button, KN.  
TA4: ii2 the vertiical liine at the top of the ciircle, or the bottom of iit.  
GA4: Are You Suggesting What I Think Youre Suggesting  
TA4: KN. we have been dii2cu22iing thii2 for three. fuckiing. hour2. tell me what way the fuckiin power button ii2, _plea2e_.  
GA4: The Line Is Facing The Floor  
GA4: Thats The Way It Is Supposed To Be Isnt It  
TA4: KN.  
TA4: _KANAYA._  
TA4: KANAYA. FUCKIIN. MARYAM.  
GA4: What  
TA4: _YOUR FUCKIING TOWER II2 UP2IIDE DOWN, OH MY GOD._  
GA4: It Is  
TA4: II AM GOIING. TO 2CREAM.  
GA4: You Know This Explains So Much  
TA4: ...  
TA4: you are goiing two bee the death of me, ii 2wear two god. or gog or whatever fuckiin KK 2aiid that one time.  
GA4:  
GA4: Would You Like Me To Contact Karkat So You Can Rant To Him  
GA4: Or Piss Him Off So Much So That He Rants To You Instead  
TA4:  
TA4: iif you could get hiim two me22age me that would bee great.  
TA4: he’2 not 2peakiin two me for 2ome rea2on and ii don’t fuckiin know why.  
GA4: Sollux  
GA4: Are You Purposefully Forgetting To Put Gs At the End Of Words  
GA4: Or Am I Imagining Things  
TA4:  
TA4:  
TA4: GOD DAMN IIT ED!!!!  
GA4: Hahahaha  
GA4: I Take It You Have Been Talking To Him A Lot  
TA4: ii have not.  
TA4:  
TA4:  
TA4: don’t tell KK.  
GA4: I Wont Dont You Worry  
TA4: okay good. ii tru2t you won’t tell and 2o ii’ll biid you goodbye and thank you for u2iing captor tech 2upport.  
GA4: And I Will Message Karkat To Speak To You  
TA4: thank2 KN. talk two you later maybe. don’t forget two rate u2 5 2tar2 and leave a reviiew.  
GA4: I Will Try And Remember  
GA4: Thank You For Being So Understanding  
GA4: In Your Semi Sarcastic Way  
TA4:  
TA4: 0uO  
GA4: What The Heck  
TA4: don’t fuckiing judge me everyone el2e ii2 tryiing emojii2 so when do ii get mine, KN?  
TA4: when wiill _my_ emojii’2 return from the war?  
GA4: Thats Not Exactly Why I Said What The Heck Sollux And You Know It  
GA4: Dont Think I Havent Noticed You Forgetting To Put Two Of The Letter I  
GA4: And Forgetting Your Two For The Letter S  
GA4: I Am Not Completely Oblivious Unlike What You Might Think  
TA4:  
TA4: ii’ll DM you, alriight?  
GA4: Alright Then  
GA4: I Will Look Forward To It Then  
TA4: like hell you will.   
GA4: You Did It Again  
GA4: Twice  
TA4: FUCK.

You have been disconnected!

GA4: Oh  
GA4: Okay Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope u enjoyed this!! 
> 
> Thank u to the poeple who helped me coem up with the ideas for this, really helped !!
> 
> Sorry for sporadic not consistent updates, life is hectic.


	12. Chapter 12 - The Zahhak Interlude, EOA1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the captors and roxy are super busy fixing everyones tech, so we see what's going on in the rest of the world! 
> 
> Bar Psii. Psii is just avoiding working like the plague. Author heavily relates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this chapter Death by Coding and Google/binary Translate  
> Also sorry this is late, life's kicked me in the ass and is making me pay rent for it
> 
> if i ever end up doign this much coding again i m gonna scream
> 
> ao3 keeps eating all my chapters
> 
> Square Brackets are translations, Strike out is deleted messages.

terminatedAncipital [TA1] started trolling abrasiveAntisocialist [AA3]!

TA1: 0KAY, 50 II DECIIDED T0 C0NTACT Y0U VIIA DM T0 AV0IID CL0GGIING UP THE CALL DIIRECT0RY, 50 WE CAN ARRANGE A DAY. PLU5, IIT’5 A L0T 5AFER. II5 THAT ALRIIGHT.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
AA3: SURE.  
TA1: 50...  
TA1: II5 NEXT M0NDAY G00D.  
AA3: いいえ、ARADIAは私と彼女との出会いの場に行きます。[NO, ARADIA IS MAKING ME GO TO AN EXCAVATION SITE WITH HER.]  
TA1: 00H.  
TA1: NEXT TUE5DAY, THEN.  
AA3: あんまり。 私の娼婦は、洞穴の周りのツアーに私を連れて行っています。 私はアラディアがやっていると思う。[NOT REALLY. MY ANCESTOR IS TAKING ME ON A TOUR AROUND A CAVE SHE FOUND. I THINK ARADIA IS COMING TOO.]  
TA1: ...  
TA1: H0W AB0UT NEXT THUR5DAY.  
AA3: 私はできない。 私は豪華な馬の誕生日をしています。[I AM UNABLE. I HAVE A DATE WITH A GRUMPY HORSE BOY.]  
TA1: WAIIT, WHAT.  
TA1: WHIICH 0NE, AND II5 IIT PIITCH.  
AA3: 私は私の馬の少年を参照しています、そしてそうではありません。[MY ONE, AND NO.]  
TA1: THAT’5 0DD.  
TA1: II TH0UGHT 50METHIING HAPPENED BETWEEN Y0U ALL.  
AA3: それはできませんでした。[IT DID.]  
AA3: 彼は真実を知るためにあまりにも敏感であったが、それは地獄として知られていた。[HE WAS TOO OBLIVIOUS TO KNOW THE TRUTH AT THE TIME, WHICH WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.]  
AA3: 私はそれの上で逃げ出しました。[I WAS SO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT BOTH OF THEM.]  
TA1: AND II D0N’T FUCKIING BLAME Y0U.  
AA3: しかし、私はWHORE-SIよりルフィオで怒りを感じます。 彼はルフィオと私が爆発していると思っていました。なぜなら、私たちは実際には絶対に勃発しなかったからです。 事実ではない。 私はあなたが正式な休憩として誰かを殺していない限りは意味する。[BUT I FEEL ANGRIER AT RUFIOH THAN AT WHORE-SI. HE THOUGHT THAT RUFIOH AND I BROKE UP, WHICH JUST MAKES IT WORSE, BECAUSE WE DIDN’T ACTUALLY BREAK UP AT ALL. NOT OFFICIALLY. I MEAN, UNLESS YOU COUNT KILLING SOMEONE AS AN OFFICIAL BREAK UP.]  
TA1: II’D C0UNT IIT A5 AN 0FFIICIIAL BREAK-UP. THEN AGAIIN, D0IING 50METHIING LIIKE THAT WA5 N0RMAL 0N ALTERNIIA, 50 MY 0PIINII0N MAY BE 5LIIGHTLY 5KEWED.  
AA3: ああ。[AAH.]  
AA3: また私は彼らが爆破すると思う。 多分。 私は彼らが95％確信していると確信しています。 私は彼に会おうとしているのです。 彼は私が来ていることを本当に知っていませんが、私はすでにそれを配置しています。 実際に起こったかどうかを実際に確認するには、そして、誰が誰か、なぜ誰が壊れているかを確認する。[ALSO I THINK THEY BROKE UP. PROBABLY. I AM ABOUT 95% SURE THEY DID. WHICH IS WHY I’M GOING TO SEE HIM. HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY KNOW I’M COMING, BUT I ALREADY ARRANGED IT. ONE, TO ACTUALLY CHECK IF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, AND TWO, TO CHECK WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO AND WHY.]  
TA1: Y0U KN0W, II THIINK II REMEMBER GH RANTIING T0 ME AB0UT DL REV0LVIING AR0UND THAT. 50METHIING 0N THE LIINE5 0F “THAT ASSHOLE BE ALL DECIDED TO TEMPORARLY MOVE BACK HOME BECAUSE HE'S “D=> Worried about him” (WITH... HIM BEING HORUSS, OBVIOUSLY. DUH.) AND GUESS THE FUCK WHAT? I AM PISSED AND BORED AND ANNOYED BECAUSE I CAN’T GET LAID UNTIL HE COMES BACK!!! I AM PENT UP AND ANGRY!!!!” T0 WHIICH II 5UFFIICIIENTLY 5H005HED HIIM D0WN.  
TA1: D0N’T TELL GH II PA5TED THAT. HE’LL KIILL ME.  
AA3: OK.  
TA1: WHAT G055 D0 Y0U KN0W.  
AA3: あなたは今好奇心が強いのですか？ [CURIOUS, ARE WE NOT?]  
TA1: II’M 0LD AND B0RED. AL50 II’M PR0CRA5TIINATIING W0RK BY PRETENDIING II’M W0RKIING. AND BY THAT II MEAN TALKIING T0 Y0U T0 ARRANGE A DATE. AND BY _THAT_ II MEAN, PLEA5E TELL ME ALL THE G055IIP Y0U KN0W.  
AA3: OH?  
TA1: TALKIING T0 Y0U CERTAIINLY BEAT5 REPEATIING THE PHRA5E “HAVE Y0U TRIIED TURNIING IIT 0FF AND 0N AGAIIN” 0VER AND 0VER.  
AA3: HAHAHAHA.  
AA3: うーん、噂はルフィオがホーローズで爆笑しているのだ。 私はそれが事実であるとは信じていませんが、ルフィオはそれについて悪いと感じるので、誰とでも逃げることはできません。 彼が私に魅力的な理由があります。 ファシリングアソシエール。 彼の髪の毛の上にトイレットペーパーを入れてください。 どういうわけか、私は彼が誇張しているので、HORUSSがRUFIOHと爆発するという理論 [WELL, RUMOUR HAS IT THAT RUFIOH BROKE UP WITH HORUSS. HOWEVER I DON’T BELIEVE THAT IS THE CASE, BECAUSE RUFIOH CAN’T BREAK UP WITH ANYONE BECAUSE HE FEELS BAD ABOUT IT. WHICH MIGHT BE THE REASON WHY HE CHEATED ON ME. FUCKING ASSHOLE. REMIND ME TO PUT TOILET PAPER OVER HIS HIVE. ANYWAY, I THEORISE THAT HORUSS BROKE UP WITH RUFIOH BECAUSE HE OVERHEARD]  
AA3: (OR SHOULD SAY. OVER _HERD_ )  
AA3: ルフィョは何かを言っています。彼のパンには何の疑いもありませんでした。[RUFIOH SAY SOMETHING, WHICH MUST HAVE SEEDED DOUBT IN HIS PAN.]  
AA3: ルフィオは、彼が私と彼と仲良くしていたことを知っています。 彼はそれが彼に起こることを心配している。 私は彼に正しいことを言いたいと思います。[HE KNOWS RUFIOH HAS HISTORY WITH CHEATING AND DATING, BEING THAT HE CHEATED ON ME WITH HIM. HE’S WORRIED SICK THAT THE SAME WILL HAPPEN TO HIM. I WOULD SAY SERVES HIM RIGHT.]  
AA3: しかし、私はまた、ホーラスが強く非難されていることを確かめています。[BUT I AM ALSO QUITE SURE THAT HORUSS IS HIGH-KEY DEPRESSED.]  
TA1: J0IIN THE FUCKIING CLUB.  
AA3: LMAO TRUE.  
AA3: もしかしたら、彼はおそらく嫌われていますが、知りたい人や知りたい人はいないので、本当に私が本当に権利がないときは、私は心配しています。[ANYWAY, HE’S PROBABLY DEPRESSED BUT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW AND/OR WORRY ABOUT HIM, SO NOW I’M WORRIED ABOUT HIM WHEN REALLY I HAVE NO RIGHT TO.]  
TA1: II D0N’T 5EE WHY Y0U 5H0ULDN’T BE, II MEAN, Y0U CAN’T EXACTLY C0NTR0L Y0UR FEELIINGS AB0UT THE MATTER.  
TA1: WAIIT, 50 II5 IIT A JU5T FRIIEND VII5IIT T0 CHECK UP 0R 50METHIING EL5E. II MEAN, HE CAN’T EXACTLY UNDER5TAND A W0RD Y0U SAY.  
AA3: それは何も特別なものではありません。 私は洞察力があり、私は恐怖の中で彼を見ます。 それはひどいです。 私はそれを強く推奨します。 あなたもそれをやるべきです。 私はバイナリであろうと何かを知っていません。[IT’S NOTHING SPECIAL. I YELL INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES IN EASTERN AND HE LOOKS AT ME IN FEAR. IT’S HILARIOUS. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. YOU SHOULD DO IT TOO. SHOUT IN BINARY OR SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW.]  
TA1: II HAVE D0NE T0 5L ACTUALLY.  
TA1: HE L00K5 AT ME LIIKE II’VE L05T MY 5MALL C0L0URFUL 5PHERIICAL BALL5. IIT’5 FUCKIING FANTA5TIIC.  
TA1: [ 5EE.](http://68.media.tumblr.com/8153e1067511990053f9d96228a4fabd/tumblr_inline_ooxhj62Sej1sllzcx_500.png)  
TA1: AAAH, G00D TIIME5.  
TA1: ...  
TA1: D0N’T TELL 5L II 5ENT Y0U THAT.  
AA3: YOU SPILL ALL MOIRAIL GOSSIP.  
AA3: I LIKE YOU.  
AA3: あなたは実際に何かに話をすることを約束しています。 我々はもっと話をしなければならない。[YOU ARE ACTUALLY DECENT TO TALK TO. WE SHOULD TALK MORE.]  
TA1: AWW 5WEET. THANK5.  
AA3: YOU WELCOME.  
TA1: Y0U KN0W WHAT II CAN’T BELIIEVE.  
AA3: ?  
TA1: II CAN’T BELIIEVE II CAN 5TIIL VAGUELY UNDER5TAND 5YMB0L LANGUAGE.  
TA1: II MEAN, IIT’5 50RTA BEEN A WHIILE 5IINCE II WA5 ABLE T0 PR0CE55 IIT, BUT II THIINK 5IINCE II KNEW A BACKGR0UND IIT’5 A L0T EA5IIER T0 PIICK UP.  
AA3: 一部のコンピュータのパーックですか？ [A PERK OF BEING PART COMPUTER?]  
TA1: PERK 0F BEIING PART BATTLE5HIIP.  
AA3: OH.  
TA1:   
TA1: H0W AB0UT FRIIDAY.  
AA3: 私はできません。 私はベータが消えている間、眠った後に見なければなりません。[I CAN’T. I HAVE TO LOOK AFTER THE HIVE WHILE BETA ME IS GONE.]  
TA1: WHERE’5 5HE G0IING.  
AA3: 私は知りません、私は知りたくありません、そして私は本当にあまり気にしません。[I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, AND I REALLY COULDN’T CARE LESS.]  
TA1: ...  
TA1: Y0U KN0W, II D0N’T ACTUALLY BLAME Y0U, 5HE KIINDA 5CARE5 THE 5HIIT 0UTTA ME.  
TA1: II MEAN, 5HE’5 AN AMAZIING FRIIEND BUT 5HE’5 FUCKIING 5CARY A5 HELL.  
TA1: ... WHAT AB0UT WEDNE5DAY.  
TA1: PLEA5E TELL ME Y0U’RE FREE 0N WEDNE5DAY.  
AA3: 実際に私は自分のことだと思う。 はい、水曜日は私によって罰金です。 私はあなたに書きます。[ACTUALLY I THINK I AM. YES, WEDNESDAY IS FINE BY ME. I’LL WRITE YOU IN.]  
TA1:   
TA1: Y0U KN0W WHAT II’VE JU5T REALII5ED.  
AA3: WHAT.  
TA1: WE C0ULD HAVE AV0IIDED THAT ENTIIRE C0NVER5ATII0N IIF II 5UGGE5TED WEDNE5DAY FIIR5T IIN5TEAD 0F THUR5DAY.  
AA3: HUH. RIGHT YOU ARE.  
AA3: それはあなたの悲しみを避けることができますが、私たちはすべての人をその時代のものにすることができます。[IT’S NICE TO THINK YOU CAN AVOID THE GRIPS OF FATE BUT WE ARE ALL PAWNS TO THE THREADS OF TIME ITSELF.]  
TA1: 5T0P BEIING A 5MARTA55, Y0U CAN BEND TIIME T0 Y0UR WIILL IIF Y0U WII5HED T0.  
AA3: ;)  
TA1: 0KAY, 50 II’VE PENCIILED Y0U IIN F0R WEDNE5DAY. D0 Y0U WANT ME T0 C0ME T0 Y0U 0R THE 0THER WAY AR0UND.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
AA3: WHICH FASTER?  
TA1: ...  
TA1: II’LL C0ME T0 Y0U, THEN.  
TA1: G00D TALK, WRIIGGLER DAMARA.  
AA3: YOU TOO. ADULT MITUNA.  
TA1: >>BP

terminatedAncipital [TA1] ceased trolling abrasiveAntisocialist [AA3]!

* * *

abrasiveAntisocialist [AA3] started trolling canterandTrot [CT3]!

AA3: OI.  
CT3: 8=D < Oh hello, Damara. I certainly didn’t expect to see you troll me.  
CT3: 8=D < This is quite the surprise.  
AA3: CUT THE SHIT.  
CT3: 8=? < Uhh?  
CT3: 8=D < I don’t quite understand what you mean by that.  
AA3: I SAY. CUT SHIT. YOU NO NEED ACT HAPPY ALL TIME. IT STUPID. DROP ACT.  
CT3: 8=? < I  
CT3: 8=I < ...  
CT3: 8=D < I think that in order to maintain a constant state of happiness, one must squash all negative emotion, leaving only the happy in its place.  
CT3: 8=D < I certainly and STRONG enough to do it! Besides, it’s only my place to do so.  
AA3: BUT IT NOT HEALTHY.  
CT3: 8=D < But Meulin suggested it, and  
CT3: 8=I   
CT3: 8=D < And as my former moirail she only had the best intentions for me, I’m sure.  
CT3: 8=D < Although we’re no longer in a relationship, I still would like to think I took her advice to heart.  
AA3: ...  
AA3: BUT YOU ARE NOT TRUTH TO SELF.  
CT3: 8=???? < What?  
AA3: あなたはあなた自身に嘘をついています。[YOU’RE LYING TO YOURSELF.]  
CT3: 8=D < ...  
CT3: 8=D < ........  
CT3: 8=D < I don’t understand what you mean.  
CT3: 8=D < I can’t understand what you are saying. Speak Western for once.  
AA3: その後、学習する。 あなたはいつもそれを他のことと一緒にします。[THEN LEARN. YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME WITH OTHER THINGS.]  
CT3: 8=| < What if  
CT3:  
CT3: 8=D < I’ll keep it in mind.

canterandTrot [CT3] is an idle troll!

AA3: 会話をする方法を学ぶ。[FUCKING HELL, LEARN HOW TO HOLD A CONVERSATION.]  
AA3: あなたは正しいことを知っているかもしれないので、私はそうかもしれません。[MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT.]  
AA3: またはあなたがNOを知らせることを学ぶ必要があること。 多分あなたがすべき。 私はあなたによく教えます。 私はあなたが本当にうまくいくようにします。[OR THAT YOU NEED TO LEARN TO SAY NO. MAYBE YOU SHOULD. I’LL TEACH YOU WELL. I’LL MAKE YOU LEARN REALLY WELL.]

canterandTrot [CT3] is no longer an idle troll!

CT3: Hey, are you just going to keep messaging me until I respond? Because if you are I’m going to get really, _really_ annoyed.  
CT3:   
CT3: Oh god, that wasn’t meant to send I

canterandTrot [CT3] ceased trolling abrasiveAntisocialist [AA3]!

AA3: YOU NOT GET AWAY THAT EASY HORSE BOY.  
AA3: YOU SEE SENSE SOON I SURE.

canterandTrot [CT3] is offline!

AA3: FUCK.  
AA3: 私は解決しなければならないだろう。[I MIGHT HAVE TO RESCHEDULE.]

* * *

terrifyingClowns [TC1] started trolling courteousTradition [CT1]!

TC1: BITCH. 

courteousTradition [CT1] has blocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: oh _come the fuck on, bro._  
TC1: IT’S IMPORTANT. LOOK AT ME.  
TC1: unblock me please. bro.  


courteousTradition [CT1] has unblocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

CT1: D=> What.  
TC1: BITCH.  
CT1:   
TC1:  
CT1: D=>   
CT1: D=> What. Do you want.  
TC1: ARE YOU 100% SURE YOU CAN’T COME BACK HERE?  
CT1: D=> I am 100% sure I am unable to come back.  
TC1: :o(  
TC1: NOT EVEN FOR 10 MINUTES OR SO?  
CT1: D=> Oh.  
CT1: D=> My god.  
CT1: D=> Are you really that annoyed?  
TC1: i am _not_ annoyed, i’m just _so bored._  
CT1: D=> Go play some video games  
TC1: BUT I DON’T WANNA.  
CT1: D=> Then talk to your moirails or something.  
TC1: theyre busy.  
CT1: D=> Then do something else, like, I don’t know, go into painting.  
TC1: BRUH.  
TC1: i would rather just nap.  
CT1: D=> What do you want me to do? Fly over there??  
TC1: OH HEY, I’LL GET THE CHOPPER!  
CT1: D=> NO  
TC1: but  
CT1: D=> _NO_  
TC1: BUT  
CT1: D=> _**NO.**_  
TC1: aww.  
CT1: D=> Why are you so... strung up about me not being around all of a sudden?  
TC1: BRUH, I AM _NOT_ STRUNG UP.  
TC1: ... i wanna get laid, obviously.  
CT1:   
CT1: D=>  
CT1: D=> I.  
CT1: D=> I will block you.  
TC1: <33  
CT1: D=> That is it.

courteousTradition [CT1] has blocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: :o(  
TC1: SO RUDE :o(

courteousTradition [CT1] has unblocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

CT1: D=> >B( I am not rude.  
TC1: what the fuck is that? that is so stupid.

courteousTradition [CT1] has blocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: :o((((((

courteousTradition [CT1] has unblocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

CT1: D=> >Bl  
CT1: D=> Would you stop that?  
TC1: :o?  
TC1: STOP WHAT?  
CT1: D=> Stop being adorable! Jeez, it’s like you can’t even grasp the obvious.  
TC1: i  
TC1: !!!?  
TC1: imnotadorableimhardashell  
CT1: D=> I don’t  
CT1: D=> !!  
CT1: D=> Are  
CT1: D=> Are you _flustered?_  
TC1: AJHAGJYREJFDSYAUIFSIHUFAHFAJGS  
TC1:

terrifyingClowns [TC1] has blocked courteousTradition [CT1]!

CT1: D=> >B)   
CT1: D=> It was worth it.

terrifyingClowns [TC1] has unblocked courteousTradition [CT1]!

TC1: <3333333  
CT1: D=> AKSHADKAHSD  
CT1: D=> ST  
CT1: D=> STOP  
TC1: <33333333333

courteousTradition [CT1] has blocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: my undying love has got me blocked yet again.  
TC1: OH, HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

courteousTradition [CT1] has unblocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: why am I unblocked this time?  
CT1: D=> You haven’t said a single “Mother Fuck” in this entire conversation, what is wrong with you?  
TC1: I HAVEN’T?  
CT1: D=> You haven’t.  
CT1: D=> Who are you, and what the heck have you done to Beta Kurloz Makara?  
TC1: i just can’t believe i ain’t.  
TC1: I MEAN LIKE. MOTHER FUCK!! I MUST GOT ME SOME SORT OF MOTHERFUCKING GRACE AND MOTHERFUCKING POLITE ETIQUETTE ON A BRO. EITHER THAT, OR SOME SORT OF MIRACULOUS MIRACLES BE ALL UP AND IN THAT SHIT, ESPECIALLY IF I AIN’T BE SAYING NO UTTERANCE OF THE WORD “MOTHER FUCK”. THAT’S MY OPINION, THOUGH.  
CT1: D=> Ah. There we go.  
CT1: D=> By the way, no part of that message was coherent.  
TC1: it’s gotta be a least a little mother fucking coherent, right?  
CT1: D=> Nope.  
CT1: D=> Nothing.  
TC1: ...   
TC1: how’s he doing  
CT1: D=> I  
CT1: D=> I don’t know.  
CT1: D=> Not great, I guess.  
TC1: HMM.  
CT1: D=> He’s eating at least, so that’s a start.  
CT1: D=> I just wish I could make something he’d actually enjoy for once.  
CT1: D=> I know _I_ already miss y  
CT1:   
CT1: D=> You know what never mind.  
TC1:   
CT1: D=> DON’T YOU DARE.  
TC1: I AM GETTING THE CHOPPER AS WE SPEAK.  
CT1: D=> AKHDHADHFUSD  
CT1: D=> NO. NO, NO NO.   
TC1: <3333333333333333333  
CT1: D=> _I AM GOING TO KILL YOU._  
TC1: <33333333333333333333333333  
CT1:   
CT1:   
CT1: D=> ...  
CT1: D=> If you don’t: shower before arriving, look presentable, _AND_ bring my favourite dinner, do not even _think_ of entering my hive, you got that?  
TC1: <3  
TC1: you love me <3~  
CT1:   
CT1:   
CT1: D=> <3  
CT1: D=> Tell anyone I sent that, and no one will find your body.  
TC1: I’VE ALREADY SCREENSHOTTED IT AND I’M SENDING IT TO EVERYONE WE KNOW.  


courteousTradition [CT1] has blocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: honk :o)

terrifyingClowns [TC1] ceased trolling courteousTradition [CT1]!

* * *

terrifyingClowns [TC1] sent photo: “holy_shit_he_finally_did_it_i_cant_believe_it.png” to groupChat: “PILEBROS!!!!!”!

TC1: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
CG1: I CAN’T 6ELIEVE MY 699K-CLU6 IS 6EING PUT 9N H9LD 6ECAUSE 9F Y9UR CURRENT UNDYING L9VE F9R Y9UR 69YFRIEND.  
TC1: [:oD](https://media2.giphy.com/media/hhHcFH0xAduCs/giphy.gif)  
TC1: [:o3](https://media0.giphy.com/media/6zI0KUEik37Jm/giphy.gif)  
TC1: [<3333](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/947/181/c57.gif)  
CG1: I CAN’T FUCKING 6ELIEVE THIS.  
CG1: Y9U ARE SUCH A USELESS DISASTER 9F A TR9LL.  
TA1: WHAT. WHAT CAN’T Y0U FUCKIING BELIIEVE.  
TC1: I AM A DISASTER, EVERYONE KNOWS THIS.  
CG1: DID Y9U EVEN CHECK THE PICTURE, PSII?  
TA1: WHAT PIICTURE.  
TA1: 0H.  
TA1: NEVER MIIND.  
TA1:   
TA1: WAIIT, II5 THAT.  
TA1: DIID HE.  
TA1: DIIDN’T HE TELL Y0U HE W0ULDN’T D0 THAT.  
TC1: im still in shock, oh my god  
CG1: GH. IT’S JUST A FUCKING EM9TIC9N.  
TA1: YE5 5L, BUT IIT’5 AL50 THE MEANIING BEHIIND IIT. THE 5IITUATII0N.  
TA1: Y0U KN0W A5 WELL A5 II D0 THAT DL D0E5N’T GET R0MANCE A5 WELL A5 M0ST PE0PLE.  
TA1: II THIINK IIT MIIGHT BE A PAGE THIING.  
CG1: A _WHAT_ THING?  
TA1: A PAGE THIING.  
CG1: WHAT’S THAT SUPP9SED T9 MEAN?  
TA1: Y0U KN0W, C0N5IIDERIING Y0U’RE A 5EER, II’M 5H0CKED Y0U D0N’T KN0W WHAT A PAGE THIING II5.  
TA1: IIT’5 LIIKE AN HEIIR THIING.  
CG1:   
TC1:   
TA1:   
TA1: A 5EER THIING.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
CG1:  
TC1:   
TA1: A _PRIINCE_ THIING.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE5>  
TC1:   
CG1:   
TC1: !!!  
TC1: OOH.   
TC1: i get you now.  
CG1: I’M STILL FUCKING L9ST.  
TA1: ...  
TC1: IT’S LIKE, STUFF THAT’S SIMILAR OR THE SAME WITH ALL PEOPLE OF A SPECIFIC CLASS NO MATTER WHERE OR HOW THEY GREW UP, Y’KNOW.  
TC1: like, seers always have some knowledge of shit that’s happened before, for example.  
CG1: SO, WHAT’S A PRINCE THING?  
TC1: WELL.  
TC1: ...  
TC1: WE’RE ALL PRICKS. AND WE ARE VERY MOTHER FUCKING OVER-DRAMATIC TOO APPARENTLY. BUT I DOUBT THAT’S RIGHT.  
TC1: now, if you excuse me a motherfucker has gotta shower and prepare food for a motherfucker.  
CG1: WH9’S THE M9THERFUCKER IN THIS SCENARI9?  
TC1: HORSEBRO, WHY?  
TA1: II TH0UGHT HE WA5 AT HII5 0WN PLACE.  
TC1: he is. i’m flying the chopper.  
CG1: D9N’T!  
TA1: D0N’T!  
TC1: BUT.  
CG1: _D9N’T!_  
TA1: _D0N’T!_  
TC1: :o(  
TC1: BUT HE’S HUNGRY!  
TC1: and i can’t just let him like, you know.  
TC1: STARVE!!!!  
TA1: THII5 CAN 0NLY END IN DII5A5TER.  
CG1: I’M G9ING 6ACK T9 MY 699K-CLU6.  
TC1: have fun  
TA1: YEAH 5L HAVE FUN.  
TC1: DON’T YOU HAVE WORK, BRO?  
TA1: UH.  
TC1: >:o(  
TA1: UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH.  
TC1: _> :o(_  
TA1: 5IINCE WHEN WERE Y0U ABLE T0 FIIGURE 0UT _IITALIIC5?_  
TC1: _**** >:o(****_  
TA1: UGH, 0KAY, FIINE, II’LL G0 BACK T0 W0RK.  
TC1: :oD  
CG1: WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE, WHY WAS I THE LAST T9 KN9W THAT PSII HAD A J96?  
TC1: uh...  
TC1: GO BACK TO YOUR BOOK CLUB.  
CG1: ...  
CG1: FINE.  
TC1: :oD

* * *

courteousTradition [CT1] has unblocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

~~CT1: D= > <33~~  
~~CT1: D= > No one will ever know.~~  
TC1:   
TC1: I saw that~!!

courteousTradition [CT1] has blocked terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

* * *

coverupTransmittion [CT2] began trolling awesomeArchaeologist [AA2]!

CT2: B --> Your descendant just randomly appeared in the food preparation block of my hive  
CT2: B --> What do I do?  
AA2: Well that’s 0dd! 0_0  
CT2: B --> That face 100% scary  
AA2: Uhh... 100%?  
CT2: B --> Loo%  
AA2: 00h. You just haven’t used the 100 in your quirk for a while. N0t since y0u were ar0und 5 actually 0u0.  
CT2: B --> Huh  
CT2: B --> You’re right  
CT2: B --> I guess being around my clone is making me pick up some of his quir%  
CT2: B --> I mean the only difference between us is that he still hasn’t figured out that a %-bow is the superior weapon  
CT2: B --> Oh and he’s still going through that  
CT2: B --> Weird phase  
CT2: B --> You know  
CT2: B --> That phase  
AA2: Y0u still sweat excessively  
AA2: If that’s what y0u mean.   
CT2: B --> That’s not what I meant  
CT2: B --> And you still haven’t told me what I should do  
AA2: Y0u mean... sh001d?  
CT2: B --> ...  
CT2: B --> The 100 was a%idental and you know it  
CT2: B --> I don’t use it anymore  
AA2: But it’s cute!!! \0u0G  
CT2: B --> No it is not  
CT2: B --> And also  
CT2: B --> Let me guess  
CT2: B --> The G is your right horn correct?  
AA2: Hmhmm!!  
AA2: Whatcha think?  
CT2: B --> It looks silly  
CT2: B --> But in an adorable way  
CT2: B --> It passes the “Stupid but cute” test  
AA2: :D  
CT2: B -->   
CT2: B --> B:)  
AA2: ( Ò u Ó)  
CT2: B --> Oh no you have got me to emote  
CT2: B --> The world will end  
AA2: I kinda wanna watch it burn 0u0  
CT2: B --> BX0~  
AA2: :?  
AA2: What’s that face f0r?  
CT2: B --> I’m so hungry  
AA2: Then eat.  
CT2: B --> To quote what I started this conversation with:  
CT2: B --> “Your descendant just randomly appeared in the food preparation block of my hive... What should I do”  
CT2: B --> I can’t enter the food preparation block to eat  
CT2: B --> For it is occupied  
AA2: .........  
AA2: Y0u can enter the bl0ck when she’s in there, she’s n0t g0ing t0 kill y0u.  
CT2: B --> It’s not that _she’s_ there it’s that she’s _there_  
AA2: I...  
AA2: 0000000H!!   
AA2: It’s m0re 0f a ‘There’s a pers0n where I wanna be I’ll guess I’ll die’ than a ‘There’s s0me0ne wh0 c001d be classified as danger0us I can’t g0 in there I’ll die’?  
CT2: B --> I doubt your descendant would kill me  
CT2: B --> And  
CT2: B --> Please stop using m  
CT2:   
AA2: Hmmmmmmm?  
AA2: St0p using _y0ur_ quirk?  
AA2: But y0u t0ld me y0u d0n’t use it anym0re   
AA2: S0 it’s n0t y0urs anym0re 0u0  
CT2: B --> Nooooooo  
CT2: B --> Can   
CT2: B --> Can I just quickly pardon some rudeness in the possible next message?  
AA2: D0 y0u need t0 yell “Fuck” again?  
CT2: B --> I have been “Fuck Limited™”  
CT2: B --> Even if I use a not-really curse I get chastised three times  
CT2: B --> That’s far too many times for saying “Feck”!  
AA2: Y0u desperately want t0 m0ve, d0n’t y0u?  
CT2: B --> I would _love_ to move out  
CT2: B --> Being around this many pretentious ‘b100-b100ds’ is starting to turn me into one of them  
CT2: B --> I’m scared that it’s going to happen  
AA2: It w0n’t.  
AA2: Y0u’ve g0t me.  
CT2: B --> I still fear however  
AA2: Just think 0f it this way:  
AA2: Pretenti0us B100B100d 1 stays with Purplebl00d 1 t0 the p0int where he basically lives there.  
AA2: Pretenti0us B100B100d 3 is y0u but needs t0 actually c0ntr0l his strength, plus he has that 0live m0irail, which must help him decrease the pretenti0usness.   
CT2: B --> Yeah my clone is probably both the least and most pretentious one out of all of them  
CT2: B --> I think it’s because he either doesn’t know better  
CT2: B --> Or feels as if he has to  
CT2: B --> You have neglected to mention “pretenti0us B100B100d 2” however  
AA2: Didn’t y0u hear ab0ut what happened?  
CT2: B --> No one tells me anything  
CT2: B --> It’s just a common fact at this point  
AA2: He recently br0ke up with his matesprit, right? C0mbined with the fact that he cut himself 0ff c0mpletely with his m0irail t0 the p0int that they br0ke up like 1 human m0nth ag0.   
CT2: B --> I  
CT2: B --> I _live_ with this guy  
CT2: B --> How the _FUCK_ do I not know this??????  
CT2: B --> Wait  
CT2: B --> Wait is this why he didn’t come down for dinner 3 human wee% ago  
CT2: B --> And keeps stealing my ice cream  
CT2: B --> Prick  
AA2: St0p.  
CT2: B --> What?  
AA2: He’s grieving.  
CT2: B --> Uh?  
CT2: B --> I don’t understand  
AA2: Y0u’ve never kn0wn l0ss. At least n0t in y0ur early mem0ries.  
CT2: B --> I   
CT2: B --> I’m sorry  
CT2: B --> I guess I wasn’t   
CT2: B --> No   
CT2: B --> I was bad  
CT2: B --> There’s no other e%cuse for it  
AA2: Y0u still wanna yell that fuck?  
CT2: B --> ...  
CT2: B --> No   
CT2: B --> I just feel too sad now  
CT2: B --> Am I too hard on the kid?  
AA2: Yes.  
CT2: B --> Not even a second of hesitance  
CT2: B -->   
CT2: B --> This is why I love you  
CT2: B --> You tell me when I’m being far too harsh/mean/basically-how-to-feel-in-certain-scenarios  
AA2: <3  
AA2: Us y0ungest g0tta stick t0gether right?  
CT2: B --> Yeah  
CT2: B --> <3  
CT2: B --> How’s Dave doing by the way  
AA2: Which Dave?  
CT2: B -->   
CT2: B --> The humans Alpha One   
CT2: B --> You know this  
CT2: B --> Who else w001d I suggest?  
CT2: B --> WOULD*  
AA2: Hehe 0u0  
AA2: And yeah, he’s fine! He’s c0ming with me 0n an Excursi0n this week!! I can’t wait!! 0u0  
CT2: B --> Ooh! That would be interesting!  
AA2: Y0u’re still trying t0 get us t0 h00k up aren’t y0u?  
CT2: B -->   
CT2: B --> You two would be amazing pale mates I can’t _not_  
AA2: Wait.  
AA2: Is my descendant in the F00d Prep bl0ck n0w?  
CT2: B --> I  
CT2: B --> I will go and check  
CT2: B -->  
CT2: B --> She is not  
CT2: B --> I can eat now  
CT2: B --> Thank you  
AA2: <3  
AA2: N0w eat.  
CT2: B --> ...  
CT2: B --> Fine  
CT2: B --> <3

coverupTransmittion [CT2] ceased trolling awesomeArchaeologist [AA2]!

coverupTransmittion [CT2] began trolling awesomeArchaeologist [AA2]!

CT2: B --> FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK  
CT2: B --> I’VE BEEN TRICKED  
CT2: B --> HAD  
CT2: B --> MADE A F001 OF  
CT2: B --> FOOL*  
CT2: B --> I CAN’T  
AA2: Equius? 

coverupTransmittion [CT2] ceased trolling awesomeArchaeologist [AA2]!

AA2: G0d Damn It.  
AA2: I’ll be right there.  
AA2: Seri0usly why can’t you eat when 0ther pe0ple are ar0und y0u.

* * *

centaursTesticle [CT4] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC4]!

CT4: D --> Nepeta help  
AC4: :33 < :??  
AC4: :33 < whats wrong?  
CT4: D --> My hive is being ambushed  
AC4: :OO < r33lly?!  
AC4: :?? < by what??  
CT4: D --> The worst kind of thing  
CT4: D --> _People_  
AC4: :|| < equius  
AC4: :|| < are you being asocial again  
CT4: D -->  
CT4: D --> Maybe  
CT4: D --> What’s your point  
AC4: :33 < why is there so many people at your hive  
CT4: D --> That’s the point, I don’t know  
CT4: D --> Why is my hive so popular  
CT4: D --> It’s not usually this popular  
CT4: D --> Nepeta, the socialisation  
CT4: D --> I can’t deal with this  
AC4: :33 < equius  
CT4: D --> I sh001dn’t have to, in fact  
CT4: D --> I’m going to tell everyone to  
CT4: D -->   
CT4: D --> I  
CT4: D --> What just  
AC4: :?? < :??  
CT4: D --> That was my ecto-clone  
AC4: :?? < what did he do?  
CT4: D --> I believe the best way to describe it w001d be:  
CT4: D --> *Unintelligible screaming*  
CT4: D --> Then banging, I assume him running up the stairs, and slamming a door  
CT4: D --> Before an e%tremely muffled declaration of  
CT4: D --> And pardon my 100d language, as it’s a direct quote  
CT4: D --> “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”  
CT4: D --> I fear heading down the stairs  
CT4: D --> What has happened  
AC4: :33 < i dunno, it sound purretty hectic  
CT4: D --> Tell me about it  
CT4: D --> And I can’t do anything about it either  
AC4: :?? < huh?  
AC4: :// < why not?  
CT4: D --> Well  
CT4: D --> Horuss hasn’t left his room in over 3 human wee% so I can’t e%actly hide in my room  
CT4: D --> It w001d worry people, and I can’t do THAT  
CT4: D --> I can’t hide in the ablutionsblock either because my ancestors taking  
CT4: D --> What c001d possibly be called the longest shower ever  
CT4: D --> Of all time  
CT4: D --> And with my clone locking himself in his own room, I’ve no hope of even attempting to do that myself  
CT4: D --> Therefore, I’m pretty much forced into socialisation  
AC4: :33 < ...  
AC4: :33 < do mew want me to come ofur?  
AC4: :33 < so you can socialise better?  
CT4: D --> If you can’t it’s fine I can deal  
CT4: D --> I just don’t _want_ to deal  
CT4: D --> This can only end in disaster  
AC4: :33 < *AC snuggles up to her meowrail* im coming ofur  
AC4: :33 < *smorch*  
CT4: D --> I  
CT4: D -->   
CT4: D --> Smorch?  
AC4: X33 < _*smorch*_  
CT4: D --> Well  
CT4: D --> Okay  
CT4: D --> I  
CT4: D --> *Smorch*  
CT4: D --> (Did I use that right)  
AC4: :33 < yes mew did <>  
CT4: D --> <>  
CT4: D --> What do I do now  
CT4: D --> While I wait for you to come over I mean  
CT4: D -->   
CT4: D --> Nepeta?

arsenicCatnip [AC4] is now idle!

CT4: D --> Oh  
CT4: D --> Well, okay then  
CT4: D --> Wait  
CT4: D --> What’s that noise?  
CT4: D --> What the heck was _that_  
CT4: D --> Oh?

centaursTesticle [CT4] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC4]!

terrifyingClowns [TC1] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT4]!

TC1: HEY, WHERE’S YOUR ANCESTOR? HE’S NOT PICKING UP.  
CT4: D --> I   
CT4: D --> What?  
CT4: D --> He’s taking Parado% Space’s Longest Shower, why?  
TC1: oh shit, i came early then, mother fuck.  
TC1: WHAT DO I DO NOW?  
CT4: D --> Well, I don’t know!  
CT4: D --> You can’t e%actly just   
CT4: D --> Stay outside until he lets you in, right?  
TC1: exactly!!!  
TC1: SO...  
CT4: D --> What do you want me to do, te%t him?  
CT4: D --> Can’t you do that?  
TC1: he ain’t answering. also he kinda blocked me.  
CT4: D --> He does that to everyone on a daily basis  
CT4: D --> Everyone knows that  
TC1: 6 TIMES, THOUGH?  
CT4: D --> No, that’s just you  
TC1: damn, he does care!  
TC1: <333333333333  
CT4: D --> How  
CT4: D --> You know what, never mind  
CT4: D --> Does he even know you are coming around  
TC1: yeah!  
TC1: I BROUGHT SOME MOTHER FUCKING FOOD!! BECAUSE HE TOLD ME TO!!!  
CT4:   
CT4: D --> Okay, fine, I’ll let you in the back door  
TC1: yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CT4: D --> Please stop

centaursTesticle [CT4] ceased trolling terrifyingClowns [TC1]!

TC1: NO ONE APPRECIATES ME ANYMORE.  
TC1: and why are you all so fucking _sassy?_

terrifyingClowns [TC1] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT4]!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GHB: ALL PRINCES ARE APPARENTLY OVER-DRAMATIC BUT I REALLY DONT SEE IT?   
> GHB: now if you excuse me i gotta crash a helicopter into my boyfriends back yard so he doesnt starve 
> 
> And that's END-OF-ACT1! Thanks for stickin 'round for this shitpost!! :D  
> Act 2 will bring miles of new shenanigans, and the first other Family business to arrise, but what will it be?  
> Why is Sollux's quirk going funny? What did he say to Kanaya in pms last chapter?  
> Who'll ask for Tech support next?  
> Find out in ACT 2 - ELECTRIC TECH-SUPPORT BOOGALOO


	13. Chapter 13 - ACT 2: TECH SUPPORT BOOGALOO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACT 2: BEGIN ==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ BACKWARDS FOR WHAT DAVE IS SAYING; Dave-Lations at the bottom notes!
> 
> ((Daves problem requested by MaatMons and eridans problen was requested by the person who doesnt log in on mobile)

torturousClowns [TC2] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: welcome two c4ptor tech 2upport how m4y we help?  
TC2: do bees fart?  
TA2: ple42e don’t use thii2 liine for thii2.  
TC2: but its important i need to kNoW  
TA2: fiine ii’ll look iit up.  
TA2: huh.  
TA2: bee2 do iin f4ct f4rt.  
TC2: I FUCKING KNEW IT!  
TC2: ThAnK YOU.  
TA2: uh, no, th4nk _you_.

* * *

carcinoGeneticist [CG4] started trolling turntechGodhead [TG1]!

CG4: DAVE, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU??  
CG4: DAVE.  
CG4: STRIDER, ANSWER YOUR FUCKING MESSAGES!!!  
TG1: no ssa ruoy peek takrak thgirla  
TG1: ssa maof eht no hceeps ot txet eht dedaolnwod tsuj evi  
CG4: WHAT THE **FUCK**.  
TG1: ?tahw  
TG1: thgir ti od ton i did  
CG4: DAVE, PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NOT SPEAKING TO ME THROUGH THAT FUCKING FOAM ASS.  
TG1: mmmmmmmmm  
TG1: ebyam  
CG4: I THINK YOU BROKE IT.  
TG1: ?taht yas uoy sekam tahw  
CG4: **BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING BROKE YOU FUCKING TOASTER!**  
TG1: tihs  
TG1: ?od i dluohs tahw  
CG4: ONE SECOND LEMME JUST FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE SAYING.  
CG4: SAY Y OR N, DID YOU SAY “WHAT SHOULD I DO?”?  
TG1: y  
CG4: CONTACT TECH SUPPORT.  
CG4: THE FUCKING CAPTOR ASSHOLES WILL FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO.  
TG1: ahctog

* * *

terrifyingClowns [TC1] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA1: W  
TA1:   
TC1: ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE, PSII, FOR GODS SAKE.  
TA1: ... II D0N’T WANT T0.  
TC1: its not even for _me,_ oh my god.  
TC1: KANKRI IS WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU!  
TC1: and you know what he’s mother fucking like when he gets like that.  
TA1: II D0N’T WANT T0 AN5WER MY PH0NE.  
TC1: OH MY FUCKING GOD. DO IT, FUCKER.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.

* * *

caligulasAquarium [CA4] started trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

CA4: sol  
CA4: sol are you there?  
TA4: what the fuck did y0u do, eridan?  
CA4: NOTHIN  
CA4: wwhy do you assume that ivve alwways _done_ somethin  
CA4: rude  
TA4: ED.  
TA4: what. the fuck. did y0u do.  
CA4: hypothetically  
TA4: 0h god.  
CA4: I AINT EVVEN STARTED WWHAT I WWAS GONNA SAY SOL  
TA4: but i kn0w it’s going t0 be bad.  
CA4: ...  
CA4: lemme start again  
CA4: hypothetically, if SOMEONE  
CA4: not namin names here  
CA4: but if SOMEONE blasted the screen of their grubtop  
CA4: howw mad wwould you be  
TA4: _ERIDAN._  
TA4: YOU BLASTED Y0UR FUCKIN SCREEN?  
CA4: HYPOTHETICALLY, SOL  
CA4: an it wwerent evven me  
TA4: ED.  
CA4: i may or may not havve blasted the screen  
TA4:  
CA4: sol?  
TA4: i’m going t0 fuckin kill you.  
CA4:   
CA4: hey havve you changed your quirk?  
TA4: fuck y0u i’m not talkin ab0ut it.  
CA4: “talkin”?

twinArmageddons [TA4] blocked caligulasAquarium [CA4]!

CA4: SOL!

* * *

TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: yes.  
TA1: _N0_.

* * *

turntechGodhead [TG1] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TG2: welcogn to cpaotr tech suppot!! yall r speakn 2 rolal how may ur req be redirectoe?  
TG2: *redirected  
TG1: defoog enod sah saa maof eht kniht i oy yeh  
TG2: say wah bbyface?  
TG2: ur makun mre spelling misytakes than me when m uber distracted  
TG1: gnorw siht tuoba tnew i kniht i kcuf  
TG2: ...  
TG2: ther a prob w. ur keyboard?  
TG1: ssa maof  
TG1: nekorb  
TG2: hmm...  
TG2: A HA  
TG2: THERE IS A CODE  
TG2: U BROKE UR ASS  
TG1: ssa gnikcuf ym ekorb i xor sey  
TG1: ssa ym ecaep ni tser  
TG1: ecaps xodarap fo edis siht ssa tsehsulp eht fo htaed  
TG2: ahahahaha  
TG2: u kno what i ment u silyl goose  
TG2: ur foam ass  
TG2: u broke it didnt u  
TG1:   
TG1: ebyam  
TG2: whachu do  
TG1: gniht hceeps ot txet/txet ot hceeps a dedaolnwod dna ekil ycnaf lla niog saw i kool  
TG1: mab neht wohemos pu dessem gnikcuf dna tnew i sseug i tub  
TG1: sdrawkcab sgnihtyreve pu dekcuf  
TG1: eldnah eht ffo etteuorip gnikcuf citaborca na koot tihs  
TG1: yas dluow krid sa depahsraep enog sgnihtyreve  
TG1: yawyna krid _si_ kcuf eht erehw  
TG2: did  
TG2: r u sure u downloaded the right dirver for ur ass?  
TG1: srevird cificeps sereht  
TG1: kcuf eht tahw  
TG1: siht em dlot eno on  
TG2: bby ur ectoclone made the ass go virl  
TG2: itz had like  
TG2: 300 updates  
TG2: like most of em are prety fuckgin useless updatets but theyre updates none the less  
TG2: maybe u got the worng one babes  
TG1: ekas skcuf rof  
TG1: siht xif i od woh  
TG2: well...

* * *

torturousClowns [TC2] started trolling carcinoGuardian [CG2]!

TC2: I TOLD YOU.  
TC2: I **fUcKiNg** TOLD YOU.  
TC2: BEES DO TOO FART.  
TC2: [Do:< ](https://media3.giphy.com/media/x1kS7NRIcIigU/giphy.gif?response_id=5921f982391602ef7a734ab0)  
CG2: I can’t believe you’re still talking about this.  
TC2: [>:o(](https://media.giphy.com/media/bOifD9wkVMRxu/giphy.gif)

torturousClowns [TC2] blocked carcinoGuardian [CG2]!

CG2: Oh my god.

* * *

TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.

* * *

caligulasAquarium [CA4] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA4: ...  
TA4: ED.  
CA4: WWELL YOU FUCKIIN BLOCKED ME, WWHAT ELSE WWAS I SUPPOSED TA DO?  
TA4: ...  
TA4: _fuckiin_?

caligulasAquarium [CA4] closed the line!

* * *

terminallyCapricious [TC4] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: welcome to C4ptor Tech 2upport, wh4t’2 the problem?  
TC4: oh fuck thats what that motherfucking button does?  
TC4: mother fuck. im so sorry i had no idea  
TC4: FUCK. I’LL JUST GO. SORRY.

terminallyCapricious [TC4] closed the line!

_uh?_

caligulasAquarium [CA4] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA2: welcome to C4ptor Tech 2upport, wh4t’2 the problem?  
CA4: sol fuckin blocked me  
TA2: uh...  
TA2: 2o?

Your client has been transferred over to twinArmageddons [TA4]!  


_WH4T._

* * *

TA4: LO0K ED.  
TA4: I TOLD Y0U I’M NOT G0ING TO TALK AB0UT IT!  
CA4: sol  
CA4: my computer is _broken_  
CA4: that’s wwhy i contacted  
CA4: this is captor _tech support_  
TA4: oh.  
TA4: 0h yeah, your fuckin c0mputers fucked up.  
TA4: read: you fucked up y0ur computer.  
CA4: shh  
TA4: shit.  
TA4: well i can take a l0ok at it if y0u want, but like i doubt id bee able t0 do anythin ab0ut it  
CA4: i  
CA4: yeah that sounds fair  
CA4: ...  
CA4: wwhy havve you changed your quirk, sol?  
TA4: ED. i _will_ ban you fr0m using the tech support line if y0u ask me about that 0ne more time.  
CA4: wwell, fine  
CA4: i dont care anywway  
CA4: Z>BC  
TA4: what. the fuck. is _that_.  
CA4: FUCK  
CA4: YOU CANT DELETE SHIT IN THIS CHAT  
CA4: DONT FUCKIN SHOWW ANYONE THIS  
TA4: Pff. To0 late.

caligulasAquarium [CA4] closed the line!

caligulasAquarium [CA4] blocked twinArmageddons [TA4]!

* * *

TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: YES.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: yes.  
TA1: N0.  
TC1: _YES._  
TA1: _N0._

* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] started trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

TA2: 2OLLUX C4PTOR.  
TA4: yes?  
TA2: wh4t.  
TA4: what?  
TA2: you ch4nged your quiirk?  
TA4: OH. MY G0D.  
TA4: WOULD PE0PLE STOP BRINGING IT UP??  
TA4: I CHANGED IT. S0 FUCKIN WHAT?!  
TA4: IT’S NO BIG DEAL!!  
TA2: iit 2eem2 4 pretty big de4l two me.  
TA4: WELL IT ISN’T.  
TA2: oh.  
TA4: YEAH.  
TA4: ...  
TA4: are y0u gonna resp0nd?  
TA2: OH YE4H, II GOT 4 QUERY.  
TA4: what of it?  
TA2: DO YOU FUCKIING MIIND NOT STE4LIING MY CLIIENT2?  
TA2: II WOULD BEE VERY FUCKIING GR4TEFUL IIF YOU’D 2TOP DOIING TH4T.  
TA4: shit.  
TA4: s0rry.  
TA4: it’s just i _know_ h0w to deal with ED.  
TA2: ED?  
TA4: eridan.  
TA2: oh.  
TA4: i had t0 take the call off y0u cause you w0uld have done it wr0ng.  
TA2: 2ollux.  
TA4: what.  
TA2: ii know th4t they’re fundement4lly diifferent.  
TA4: what?  
TA2: however.  
TA2: my moiir4iil is N4vii.  
TA4: so?  
TA2: N4vii ii2 the beforu2 ver2iion of your ED.  
TA4: whats that g0t to –  
TA4: 0H.  
TA4: OH FUCK.  
TA2: HOW DO PEOPLE FORGET THII2??  
TA4: 0H MY GOD.

* * *

TC1: _yes._  
TA1: _N0._  
TC1: _YES._  
TA1: UGH, _FIINE_.  
TC1: :oD  
TC1: VICTORY!!!!!

* * *

TG2: oksy now og inti the comopile tab and press reste  
TG2: *compile  
TG1: yak  
TG1: gnilipmoc sti  
TG2: its coo  
TG1: enod syas ti  
TG2: oki so press start n try it now  
TG1: ti tog  
TG1:  
TG1: attention amazing moxy do you copy  
TG2: davy bby i read u good  
TG2: you downloaded the wrong friggin update for ur ass silly  
TG1: fuck yeah im so fucking glad this works now  
TG1: thanks rox  
TG2: np bby davy  
TG2: u gon chat to ur bf now?  
TG1: yeah  
TG1: then imma chat to jade too  
TG2: aww cute!!! ;) ;)  
TG1: mom pls  
TG1: rox, fuck  
TG2: ;)  
TG2: o an don 4get 2 giv a 5 star review!!  
TG1: dw i wont  
TG1: cya  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be updated monthly, i have decided right now.  
> Dave-Lations:  
> (Conversation with Karkat)  
> alright karkat keep your ass on  
> ive just downloaded the text to speech on the foam ass  
> what?  
> did i not do it right  
> maybe  
> what makes you say that?  
> shit  
> what should i do  
> gotcha  
> (Roxy Part 1)  
> hey yo i think the foam aas has done goofed  
> fuck i think i went about this wrong  
> foam ass  
> broken  
> yes rox i broke my fucking ass  
> rest in peace my ass  
> death of the plushest ass this side of paradox space  
> maybe  
> look i was goin all fancy like and downloaded a speech to text/text to speech thing  
> but i guess i went and fucking messed up somehow then bam  
> fucked up everythings backwards  
> shit took an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle  
> everythings gone pearshaped as dirk would say  
> where the fuck _is_ dirk anyway  
>  theres specific drivers  
> what the fuck  
> no one told me this  
> for fucks sake  
> how do i fix this  
> (Roxy Part 2)  
> kay  
> its compiling  
> it says done  
> got it


	14. Chapter 14 - Chapter XIV PART I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a three-part extravaganza and a sort of 'the author is so sorry for not updating in the last 2 months please forgive me and I wont promise a schedule because its not gonna happen', Piilot is sick to death of auspicing his moirail and matesprit, while Psii attempts to help Meenah fix a crashing video game. Sollux argues with Karkat, and what's this about a competition with robots and AI's?
> 
> Find out in this latest instalment of Captor Tech Support!!

carcinoGeneticist [CG4]  requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA4: welcome t0 captor tech supp0rt how may we help?  
CG4: SOLLUX.  
CG4: I KNOW YOU CAN’T HELP ME WITH THIS BUT I’M GOING TO YELL AT YOU ANYWAY.  
CG4: SORRY FOR THE RUDENESS IN ADVANCE.  
TA4: what the fuck did y0u do?  
CG4: FUCK. YOU.  


* * *

cuttlefishConservation [CC2] started trolling twinnedArchitecture [TA2]!

CC2: )(OW DAR--E THAT BRIN--E SUCKING _BASS)(OL--E!!!_  
TA2: ...  
TA2: he poured 4 tub of goo iin your h4iir, diidn’t he?  
CC2: Y------EP.  
TA2: _ugh._  
TA2: you two need 4 fuckiing 4u2piice.  
TA2: ii 2we4r two GOD.   


* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] requested help!   
Your request is being redirected now...

TA3: W3LC0M3 2 C4P70R T3CH 5UPP0R7 H03 M47 W3 H4L0?  
TA2: do we h4ve 4 rel4tiion2hiip 2ub2ectiion?  
TA3: 8R0. JU5T 4SK 1N 7H3 M41N M3M0 JFC.   
TA2: UGH.

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] closed the line!

* * *

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA2: DO WE H4VE 4 REL4TIION2HIIP 2UB2ECTIION?  
TG2: idk do we?  
TA4: why the fuck would we?  
TA4: we’re a _tech supp0rt company._  
TA4: n0w im in the middle of a call s0 i won’t bee able to resp0nd.  
TA1: Y0U D0 THAT, 50LLUX.  
TA1: AND HE HA5 A P0IINT.  
TA1: D0 II L00K LIIKE THE PIINACLE 0F R0MANTIIC ADVIICE.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
TA1: IIT II5 N0T MY JURII5DIICTII0N. IIT II5 50 FAR 0UT 0F MY JURII5DIICTII0N IIT’5 H0NE5TLY UP5ETTIING.  
TA1: PR0BABLY M0RE 0F A VANTA5 0R LEIJ0N AREA 0F EXPERTIICE.   
TA1: WHY D0 Y0U A5K.  
TA2: bec4u2e. ii 4m 2IICK. 4ND TIIRED. OF 4U2PIICIING FOR MY MOIIR4IIL 4ND M4TE2PRIIT.  
TA1: ... D0 Y0U NEED A DAY 0FF?  
TA2: ii thiink ii need _2ever4l._  
TG2: dont we all? lmfao   
TA1: Y0U G0T THAT RIIGHT.  
TA3: R08L0X 74LK5 7RUUUUUUUUU7H~  
TA1: WH0 THE FUCK II5 R0BL0X.  


* * *

cutthroatConquerer [CC3] requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now... 

TA1: WELC0ME T0 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT, THE T0P M05T RATED TECH 5UPP0RT C0MPANY IIN THE CIITY.   
TA1: WHAT II5 Y0UR PR0BLEM.  
CC3: hey, how do i stop my glubbin game from crashin?  
TA1: T0UGH QUE5TII0N. HAVE Y0U G0T EN0UGH RAM.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
CC3: everyfin is fin wiv tha computer, its jus the motha glubbas knot respondin! the fuckin beach.   
TA1: HMM. IIT’LL TAKE 50ME TIIME, BUT II’LL TRY T0 HELP A5 BE5T A5 II CAN.   
CC3: ocray cool  


* * *

TA4: hey kk. odd questi0n?  
TA4: have you tried explaining t0 your c0mputer that you’re a c0de-illiterate dipshit with no h0pe for a higher value in life?  
CG4: GO FUCK YOURSELF ON A HIGHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE, AND HELP ME FIX THE CHARRED MESS THAT IS MY COMPUTER YOU DENSE SACK OF SHIT!!!  
TA4: have y0u tried what i said, kk?  
CG4: AJDSHSKSF;SYDKSD  
CG4: FUCK YOU, SOLLUX.  
CG4: FUCK YOU ON A RUSTY SPORK.  
TA4: you really have a thing for fucking me. is there s0mething you want t0 tell me, kk? i mean, i’m flattered, but i have a girlfriend.  
CG4: OH HAHA, VERY FUNNY, SOLLUX. IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, I HAVE ONE TOO.   
CG4: ALSO, YOU HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS.   
TA4: i do have tw0, yes.   
TA4: and a boyfriend.  
CG4: I THOUGHT S-  
CG4: WAIT.  
CG4: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW??  
CG4: WHO??  
TA4: WHELP, I NEED T0 LEAVE. BYE.  
CG4: SOLLUX, DON’T YOU DARE.

twinArmageddons [TA4] has closed the line!

CG4: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

carcinoGeneticist [CG4] has thrown his crabtop out of a window!

* * *

CC3: an im all there like  
CC3: beach i dont wanna bake cakes wiv u  
CC3: i wanna play video games let a gill play video games  
TA1: WELL. Y0U CAN’T PLAY VIIDE0 GAME5 IIF THE VIIDE0 GAME5 D0N’T WANT T0 W0RK, HUH.   
CC3: fair point.   
CC3: but, i honest to god hate my clone.  
CC3: i think its more... well  
CC3: she aint who i thought she was  
CC3: so its weird, ya get me?  
TA1: HMM.  
TA1: D0 WE HAVE T0 TALK AB0UT THAT.   
CC3: all i is tryin to do is mako sum conversation whale we wait.  
CC3: jeeeeeez.  
TA1: ANYWH0. DIID Y0U TRY, II D0N’T KN0W, RESTARTIING THE GAME.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
CC3: fuck, dam.  
CC3: i never tried restarting the game, obviously thats the solution.  
CC3: of fucking COURS----E i tried restarting it, it keeps FUCKING CRAS)(ING.  
TA1: II WAS 0NLY TRYIING T0 HELP, 0H MY G0D.  
CC3: well you aint doin a good job are ya?  
TA1: THAT’5 IIT.  
TA1: II’M REDIIRECTIING Y0U.  
Your call is being redirected...  


* * *

carcinoGriever [CG1] started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG4]!

CG1: KARKAT, JUST THE PERS9N I WANTED T9 TALK T9.  
CG4: IF THIS IS ABOUT THE WINDOW, I HAVE A PERFECTLY LOGICAL AND HONEST TO GOD LEGIT REASON FOR IT.   
CG1: AND?  
CG1: WHAT IS IT?  
CG4: SOLLUX WAS BEING A SHITHEAD.   
CG1: THAT’S N9T A VALID REAS9N...  
CG4: BESIDES, THE THING WAS FRIED, ANYWAY.  
CG1: I  
CG1: H9W THE FUCK DID Y9U FRY IT?  
CG4: DON’T FUCKING ASK.   
CG1: I’M JUST SAYING, Y9U C9ULD HAVE AT LEAST 9PENED THE WIND9W FIRST, JEGUS.   
CG1: AND Y9U CALL Y9UR AMP9RA MEL9DRAMATIC?   
CG4: _HE IS MELODRAMATIC, WHAT THE **FUCK?**_  
CG1: Y9U THREW Y9UR PC 9UT 9F A WIND9W, KARKAT.   
CG4: IT DESERVED WHAT IT GOT. STUPID PIECE OF SHIT CRABTOP.  
CG1: H9W ARE Y9U G9ING T9 GET A NEW 9NE, THEN?  
CG4: UH.   
CG4: SHENANIGANS, PROBABLY.   
CG4: BESIDES, SOLLUX’LL HELP ME. I THINK.  
CG1: ‘Y9U THINK’????  
CG1: WHY’S HE 6EING A SHIT, ANYWAY?  
CG4: SIMPLE. BECAUSE HE’S _SOLLUX._  
CG4: ALSO BECAUSE HE’S APPARENTLY GOT A BOYFRIEND I DON’T KNOW ABOUT AND WON’T TELL ME ABOUT IT.  
CG4: I’M GOING TO TALK TO KANAYA ABOUT IT.   
CG4: IF HE DOESN’T TALK TO ME FIRST, THAT IS. WHICH I KNOW HE WILL.  
CG1: WELL. G99D LUCK WITH THAT.   
CG4: THANKS. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG4] ceased trolling carcinoGriever [CG1]!  


* * *

terminatedAncipital [TA1] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA1: PLEA5E, 50ME0NE WIITH THE PATIIENCE T0 DEAL WIITH THE CL0NE 0F THE EMPRE55 TAKE 0VER F0R ME.   
TA1: II CAN’T DEAL RIIGHT N0W.  
TA1: ...  
TA1: II5 ANY0NE EVEN HERE RIIGHT N0W.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE5>  
TA1: WHAT D0 II FUCKIING PAY Y0U ALL T0 D0 IIF Y0U D0N’T EVEN FUCKIING RE5P0ND T0 A REDIIRECTII0N.  
TA1: ...  
TA1: FUCKIING. GREAT.  


* * *

twinArmageddons [TA4] started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG4]!

TA4: ... so.   
CG4: SO?  
CG4: I’VE JUST THROWN MY CRABTOP OUT OF A WINDOW, AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS _**SO**?????_  
TA4: kk. shut the fuck up f0r once.  
CG4: OKAY, FINE.   
CG4: THAT WAS A LITTLE TOO FAR, ANYWAY.  
TA4: y0u think?  
TA4: anyway. ignore what i said ab0ut the boyfriend thing. it’s n0thing.  
TA4: did you have t0 throw y0ur crabtop 0ut of the wind0w?  
CG4: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MY ANCESTOR SAID.  
CG4: AND YES. OF FUCKING COURSE I DID.   
CG4: YOU PISSED ME OFF BIG TIME, YOU HOOFBEASTS ASS. IT WAS FRIED ANYWAY.  
TA4: sorry.  
CG4: UGH, DON’T BE.   
CG4: I NEED A NEW ONE. CAN YOU SUPPLY?  
TA4: f0r you, kk?  
TA4: y0u need to up y0ur grovelling tactics.   
CG4: I’LL PULL A KANKRI.  
TA4: y0u do realise he left a pretty decent review, right?  
CG4: I’LL PULL WHAT YOU WOULD THINK IS A KANKRI.  
TA4: FUCK, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!  
TA4: i give.  
TA4: i’ll try and arrange a new 0ne, okay?  
CG4: THANKS. YOU’RE A GOOD FRIEND.  
TA4: wait, we’re still friends?  
CG4: WELL, YEAH.  
TA4: 0h thank god.  
CG4: YOU’RE AN IDIOT.  
CG4: NOW TELL ME WHO YOUR BOYFRIEND IS.  
TA4: FUCK N0!!  
CG4: FUCK YES??  
CG4: I’LL ASK KANAYA IF YOU DON’T TELL ME.  
TA4: THAT’S A DIRTY MOVE, KK.  
CG4: I KNOW.  
CG4: NOW TELL ME.  
TA4: FUCK, 0KAY, FIIIINE.   
TA4: I’LL TELL YOU. JUST D0N’T BLAB, OKAY??  
CG4: I PROMISE.  


* * *

timaeusTestified [TT2] requested help!  
Your call is being redirected now... 

TG2: heyo welcom e two captor tehc suport how can we hellp todya??  
TG2: *tech support  
TT2: Roxy, just the person I was looking for. I need your help.  
TG2: DISTRI MA MAIN MAN!!  
TG2: HOWSIT GOING YOU ASS! ily  
TT2: Love you too, Rolal. In the most platonic way possible.   
TT2: But this shit is serious.  
TT2: More serious than Sweet Bro And Hella Jeff 4 - The mouvaei part 5  
TG2: daaaaaamn that is srs  
TG2: whassap??  
TT2: Well. It may or may not have something to do with the current state of my robots.  
TG2: dirky u kno that aint my juuristidcton  
TG2: *jurisdictioin  
TG2: u kno what i ment  
TT2: Look, all I need is a little help coding the AI for Robo Maplehoof, and I can finally one-up that asshole who thinks he’s _soooo good at robotics_ and thinks he’s the best there ever was.  
TG2: ...  
TG2: is this bout equius?  
TG2: cause i ant getitng involved in whatever sloppy makeouts youve got planne d for him  
TT2: It’s not about Equius.  
TG2: ...  
TG2: raising my eyebrow real high here, ditky boo  
TG2: *dirky boo  
TT2: Okay, it’s a little about Equius.  
TT2: But all I need is just a little help. A smidgen. I’ll honestly pay you for it.   
TT2: Please.   
TT2: I’m not a begging man, Roxy, you know this. But I will literally beg you to help me.   
TG2: alright alright, ill teahc u how 2 code an ai  
TG2: but im not doing the thing for u  
TT2: Why not?  
TG2: youll be reelign in smug satisfaction ig you use ur own codign to upstage hm ;)  
TT2: Huh. I never thought of that.  
TT2: Good call, Rolal.   
TT2: Good call.  
TG2: what r friends 4, right? ;)  
TT2: Thanks.  
TG2: dirkyboo, ypu better rate us 5 stars   
TT2: Why would I give any less?  
TT2: You all are the “Best rated tech support company in the world”, after all. I’m proud.  
TT2: Of course I’ll give a 5 star review.   
TT2: “10/10. Would recommend. 10,001 horses whinny in pure joy from the great customer service this company provides. Would get techical support from them again.”  
TG2: *rooooolls eyes* distri ur too kdind lmfao  
TG2: i betta see that revie w on the site, btw   
TG2: toog ood a review to passup like that, yakknow  
TT2: Thank you. I take pride in my written reviews.   
TT2: See you, Rolal.   
TG2: buhbye dirky ;)  


* * *

torturedAftershock [TA3] began trolling gnarlyCreator [GC3]!

TA3: 7UUUUUL111111P  
TA3: 7UUUUUUUUL111111111P!!!  
TA3: 1LY 88  
TA3: L375 8L4Y V1DY4 G4MZ  
GC3: 1 lov3 you, too, tun4!  
GC3: but h4v3n’t you got work?  
GC3: 1’m pr3tty sur3 you’v3 got work.  
TA3: 8U7 844444448333333  
TA3: 8483 1 D0N7’ W4N74 W000RK  
TA3: W4NN4 S17 0N MY G4M3GRU8 4ND PL4Y V1D30G4M35  
GC3: ok4y b4b3, f1n3 >8]  
GC3: 1’ll 1nv1t3 loz, too, th4t 41ght?  
TA3: 7H47’LL 83 5000000 71GH7, 7UL1P!!!  
TA3: >>B:D  
TA3: 4H4!  
TA3: 4N 3M0J1 7H47 W0RK5 F0R M3.  
TA3: FUCK Y0U, 3LD3R C4P70R.  
GC3: do3sn’t h3 wr1t3 your p4ych3ck?  
TA3: FUCK.  
TA3: U R1GH7.  
GC3: >8;]  
TA3: >>B:O !!!!!  
TA3: H0LCKY 5H11111117!!  
TA3: L0V3 U 88Y ,3333  
TA3: *<3333  
GC3: <3

gnarlyCreator [GC3] ceased trolling torturedAftershock [TA3]!

* * *

TA2: 2o. you’re tryiing two tell me. th4t you 4nd n4vii. don’t need 4n 4u2piice.  
TA2: DE2PIITE THE F4CT.  
TA2: th4t you h4ve dr4gged me iintwo your rel4tiion2hiip dr4m4. multiiple tiime2.   
TA2: IIT’2 NOT HE4LTHY FOR ME!!  
CC2: W---E DON’T HAVE R-ELATIONS)(IP DRAMA!!  
TA2: _YOU DO._  
TA2: UGH. FUCK IIT. II’M BRIINGIING OUT THE BIIG GUN2. 

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] added cruiseAttendant [CA2] to the chat!

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] added carcinoGriever [CG1] to the chat!

twinnedArchitecture [TA2] added authorsCalamity [AC1] to the chat!

TA2: 2IIGNLE22. DI2CIIPLE. YOU’RE BOTH REL4TIION2HIIP 4DVIICE PEOPLE, RIIGHT?  
CG1: WHAT?  
CG1: UH...   
CG1: I GUESS? I THINK I’M M9RE 9F A 699K GUY. I’D H9NESTLY 6RING IN KARKAT.  
AC1: OwO < whats this?  
CG1: ...  
CG1: MEULIN, I L9VE Y9U, 6UT 9H MY G9G D9 I HATE Y9U RIGHT N9W.  
AC1: 83c < you should.   
CA2: okay, the fuck is goin on right now?

carcinoGriever [CG1] added carcinoGeneticist [CG4] to the chat! 

CG1: 6UDDY. RELATI9NSHIP ADVICE. Y9UR QU9TA.   
CG4: FUCK YOU, I WAS HAVING AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION.  
CG1: (:B G9SSIPING WITH S9LLUX IS N9T IMP9RTANT.   
CG4: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

carcinoGriever [CG1] left the chat!

TA2: THII2 II2 4N IINTERVENTIION, YOU NEED TO 2TOP DR4GGIING ME IINTWO YOUR KII2ME2IITUDE.  
CG4: OH DEAR FUCKING _LORD._  
CG4: I DO NOT GET PAID FOR THIS SHIT.   
CG4: NO WONDER THE CAPTORS DECIDED TO OPEN THE TECH SUPPORT BUSINESS.

* * *

TA1: REMEMBER WHEN II 5AIID Y0U WERE BEIING REDIIRECTED.  
TA1: II LIIED.  
TA1: WELL. II WA5N’T LYIING. II JU5T CAN’T FIIND ANY0NE AVALIIABLE T0 TAKE Y0UR CALL, BECAU5E 0BVII0U5LY, II AM N0T HELPIING Y0U.  
CC3: dam, that axolotly suckafishes.  
TA1: TH05E WERE TERRIIBLE FII5H PUN5.  
CC3: dey cant all be winners!  
TA1: ... EH, II 5UPP05E 50.   
TA1: ANYWAY, DIID Y0U GET ANYWAVE WHIILE II WA5 G0NE.  
TA1: ... ANYWHERE, II MEANT _ANYWHERE, **FUCK**._  
CC3: 38D !!  
CC3: also nah i aint got nowave.  
CC3: if anyfin its gotten worse lmfao  
CC3: fork my LIF--E amirite??  
TA1: THAT’5 A LIITTLE M0RBIID, II5N’T IIT.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>   
CC3: lol, thats the point.  
CC3: you aint acshoally so bad, ya know  
CC3: im jus givin ya a hard time on purpose  
TA1: ...  
TA1: P0RP0II5E.  
CC3: FUCK!!! 38D  
CC3: DAM, YA BETTA T)(AN M---E AT T)(-ES-E!  
TA1: YEAR5 0F PRACTIICE.  
TA1: Y0U’RE 0NLY, WHAT, NIINE.  
CC3: pbbbbth 38P  
TA1: II REALLY HAVE N0 IIDEA WHAT’5 UP WIITH THII5 GAME, TH0UGH.   
CC3: can i bring it to ya? it might be betta to sea if ya get a proper look at it  
TA1: G00D IIDEA. WHEN’RE Y0U FREE.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
CC3: is tomorrow suitabubble?  
TA1: SH0RE, WHY KN0T.  
TA1:   
TA1: EXCU5E MY BREAK IIN QUIIRK.  
CC3: uh, wha?  
TA1: _**FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!**_  
CC3: whats wrong wiv fish puns?  
TA1: N0THIING.   
TA1: EVERYTHIING.  
TA1: REALLY, IIT’5 B0TH.  
CC3: ...well. ocray, then.  
CC3: thanks in advance.  
TA1: >>B)  
TA1: IIT’5 N0 PR0BLEM.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank and dedicate this chapter to the following people:
> 
> > cryogenia, and in part bewarethepurpleone, for this quote that I have adapted for Karkat's use: ""Okay look so I know you're not going to be able to help me and I'm going to yell at you anyway, so I apologize for my rudeness in advance.""
> 
> > justifyingReality413, for Meenah's problem: "seeing meenah and psii complain about condy together while meenah's game keeps crashing or something would be cool"
> 
> > Everyone in the servers I am in, for encouraging me to write this.
> 
> > Felinedetatched, for being cool
> 
> > The Person Too lazy to choose a name kn mobile for the Karkat request about throwing itof a window (?)
> 
> > And finally, brobablykenn, for the quote: "have you tried explaining to your computer that you’re a code-illiterate dipshit with no hope for a higher value in life?"


	15. Chapter 15 - Chapter XIV Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Prose? In _my_ CTS? 
> 
> It's more likely than you'd think. 
> 
> (PLEASE READ THE END NOTES.)

torturedAftershock [TA3] has posted in memo: “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA3: UHHHHHH.   
TA4: MT?  
TA3: 4C7U4LLY.  
TA4: ? 

torturedAftershock [TA3] ceased responding to the memo.

torturedAftershock [TA3] has requested help!  
Your request is being redirected now...

TA4: MT what the FUCK.  
TA3: H4H4H4 UH. Y0U KN02 H0W 1 D17CH3D W0RK 2 PL4Y V1DY4G4NZ?  
TA4: yes...?  
TA3: H4. FUNNY 5T0RY.  


* * *

Earlier That Evening...

Mituna was giggling along as he completely wrecked his matesprit and moirail at Mario Kart. It was one of his favourite games. He treasured this game. He even made backup copies, just in case it got ruined. It was that special to him. It was the best fucking game, ever. Of all time. He smirked as he played, not once holding back on his sick, sweet skills.

MITUNA: 4H4H4H4H4H4H4 FUCKU 811117FHC555!!!!! C4NK7 8347 M3 47 M4R10K4R7!!!

Latula laughed. She took defeat well for a well renowned GameGrl. Then again, she also knew the futility of playing against Mituna at Mario Kart. That doesn’t mean it isn’t fun, though!! In fact, it makes it TWICE AS FUN!!! >8P

LATULA: d4mn tun3z!! you compl3t3ly r3kt m3!!!

Kurloz chuckled as he took a small sip of Faygo. It was hard to take swigs when your mouth is sewn up, but these are the prices one must pay for such vanity. Either way, he still thought Mituna was adorable when he got all up and excited in himself like that. It was all kinds of cute. He has the best moirail. It is him.

Unfortunately, he did not realise how close his glass of Faygo was to the bees which had resided in Mituna’s room. He was completely oblivious when one, then two, then ten came a long and took tiny sips of his drink, too busy chuckling at Mituna about how cute he was all acting. It was captivating, and _far too cute!!!!_

MITUNA: KURKL0ZZZZ Y0U 5H01LD C03M PL47700

Kurloz shook his head. He wasn’t very good at Mario Kart. He just liked watching them play.

KURLOZ: :o(

MITUNA: C0M3 00000N PL55!!!

Mituna really wanted to play with Kurloz. Kurloz sighed. He couldn’t say no to that. Moirail problems: they are too cute and you can never say no to them. He nodded. Mituna grinned, and squealed a small ‘yay!’ in response. Latula giggled, too.

LATULA: los3r pl4ys m3, l3ts go!!  


Kurloz silently chuckled. He knew he was going to lose. He knew Latula knew he was, too. She’s smart, and he could respect that. 

The three were so completely drawn into their game of Mario Kart that they didn’t notice the bees fly in. They were completely oblivious to swarm of server bees all over Kurloz’s abandoned Faygo, too engrossed in the game.

They only noticed when it was too late. The bees were _drunk._

* * *

TA3: W3LL, 4H4H4H4  
TA3: 7H3 53RV3R 8335 4R3 DRUNK.  
TA4: WHAT???!

twinArmageddons [TA4] has closed the line!

twinArmageddons [TA4] has posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.”

TA4: MITUNA CAPTOR WHAT THE _FUCK???!_  
TA3: 1 C4N 3XPL41N!!  
TA4: THEY’RE DRUNK MT. YOU G0T OUR BEE2 DRUNK!!!  
TA4: AND GREAT, Y0U GOT ME T0 LI2P, TO0.   
TA4: WE CAN’T RUN TECH 2UPPORT WITH DRUNK BEE2!!!!  
TA3: ...  
TA3: 1M 50RRY.  
TA4: ugh. mituna d0n’t apol0gise. it’s not y0ur fault.  
TA3: 50LLUX.  
TA4: okay it kind 0f is. but don’t beat y0urself up over it. i’m just being a c0mplete bulge as per usual.  
TA4: so s0rry about that.  
TA3: >>8:)  
TA1: WAIIT, WHAT THE FUCK.  
TA1: 50LLUX, Y0U CAN’T JU5T DR0P THII5 LIIKE 50ME FUCKIING ANCH0R. THII5 II5 5EARII0U5 BU5IINE55.  
TA1: AND WHIILE Y0U ARE, IIN FACT, BEIING A HUGE BULGE, MIITUNA G0T THE BEE5 _DRUNK._  
TA1: MIITUNA. _H0W_.  
TA3: W3LL 1 1MV173D 7UL1P 4BD KURL0Z 0V34R. 4ND W3PL4Y3D M4R10K4RK7. 4BD W3 D1DNT 533 WH3N TH3Y G07 DRUNK 8U7.  
TA1: WAIIT. KURL0Z.   
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE.>   
TA3: Y4. Y U A5K?  
TA1: DIID HE BRIING ANY... BEVERAGE5.  
TA3: L1K3 F4YG0??  
TA1: YEAH. LIIKE FAYG0.  
TA3: Y4.  
TA1: _FUCK._  
TA3: W0W, UND3RL1N3. 1 R34LLY FUCK3D UP.  
TA1: THE BEE5 ARE PR0BUBBLLY DRUNK 0N FAYG0.  
TG2: zat a bad thigng?  
TA1: YEAH. DRUNK/HYPER BEE5 CAN LEAD T0

The server crashed!

PSIIONIIC: 5HIIT.  


* * *

cutthroatConquerer [CC3] started trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1]!

CC3: hey is the servers forked?  
TA1: YA. REEL 5HIIT HAPPENIING AT THE CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT C0MPANY. II JU5T _H0PE_ THEY D0N’T AFFECT 0UR H0ME 5ERVER5. THAT W0ULD BE A UNIIQUE KIIND 0F HELL.  
CC3: whale shit.  
TA1: 50 CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT II5 D0WN UNTIIL FURTHER N0TIICE. WHIICH II5 N0T A GREAT 5IITUATII0N.   
CC3: i can bet  
CC3: boat are ya skrill up fo fixin ma game?   
TA1: YEAH. II’M 5TIILL “UP” F0R THAT.   
CC3: awesome.  
TA1: 50... 5EA Y0U LATER.  
TA1: <IN5ERT QUERYN00DLE.>  
CC3: yeah ill sea ya later  
CC3: 38;D sea!!  
CC3: #ur betta at these than i am #wtf  
TA1: ... 5HIIT. II’VE BEEN FII5H PUNNIING ALL DAY.   
TA1: _FUCK._  
CC3: 38?  
TA1: D0N’T A5K.  
CC3: ocray

cutthroatConquerer [CC3] ceased trolling terminatedAncipital [TA1]!  


* * *

ectoBiologist [EB1] requested help!  
Your call is being redirected...

CAPT0R TECHN0L0GY AND C0MPUTER 5UPP0RT II5 CURRENTLY EXPERIIENCIING 5ERVER C0NNECTII0N PR0BLEM5.   
WE AT CT5 ARE 50RRY F0R THE IINC0NVENIIENCE THII5 HA5 CAU5ED T0 Y0UR DAY.  
5IIGNED:   
P5II0NIIC, piilot, roxy, s0llux, AND M17UN4.

D --> We are attempting to reroute you to a more stable connection  
D --> Please wait...  
...

...

CT4: D --> Welcome to the rerouted connectivity network of Captor Tech Support  
CT4: D --> Sorry for the unneeded hassle. It appears that their servers are currently down  
CT4: D --> Nor do they know I have made a botched attempt to reroute their network to a more stable connection   
CT4: D --> It is the least I can do  
CT4: D --> I’m bored  
EB1: so this isnt captor tech support, is it?   
CT4: D --> I mean it can be  
CT4: D --> I just wanted to see if it worked  
EB1: thats fair.  
EB1: hey do you know how to get cake out of a computer?  
CT4: D --> ...  
CT4: D --> _Cake?_  
EB1: dont even ask.  
CT4: D --> Well, okay then  
CT4: D --> I am not getting paid for this anyway  
EB1: :B  
CT4: D --> Be right back  


* * *

centaursTesticle [CT4] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

CT4: D --> Captor  
TA4: what.  
CT4: D --> I may have temporarily made a fi% for your server issue  
TA4: wh  
TA4: h0w  
CT4: D --> How what  
TA4: how did y0u fix it? wait, how did y0u know _what_ needed fixing??  
CT4: D --> I attempted to contact you, but was met with an error message.  
CT4: D --> “404: Server not found”  
CT4: D --> I am pretty sure that isn’t even a 404 error, it was just written as such for the fun of it.   
TA4: huh? server err0rs are the 500~s.  
CT4: D --> Error 503, if I recall correctly.  
TA4: ... Zahhak, how d0 you kn0w so much ab0ut computers?  
CT4: D --> I build robots, Captor. It is imperative to understand at least some form of software coding in order to be successful at this  
CT4: D --> I mostly use ^CAKE, though.  
TA4: hmm. that’s fair en0ugh. you hardware guys are usually like that, ehehe.   
CT4: D --> Why fi% what isn’t broken?  
TA4: t0 perfect it, duh.  
CT4: D --> ... Okay, I see your point  
TA4: hmm, i guess you d0n’t really know ~ATH?  
CT4: D --> Eh  
CT4: D --> I am familiar, however it is not my STRONGest suit in software coding  
CT4: D --> I mainly use it for more in-depth fi%es  
CT4: D --> Anyway, John wants to know how to get cake out of a PC  
TA4: ^CAKE?  
CT4: D --> Actually, I think it’s sponge cake  
TA4: ... wait, _actual cake????_  
CT4: D --> He said don’t a%, so I never a%ed  
TA4: oh dear g0d.  
TA4: anyway, thanks CT. can you keep the line y0u made up for us? we w0uld seriously appreciate it.  
CT4: D --> I will try to keep it stable for as long as I can  
CT4: D --> It is similar to working via pro%y  
TA4: you’re fuckin awes0me CT.  
CT4: D --> ...  
CT4: D --> Did you drop a g?  
TA4: i take it back i hope y0u die in a well  
CT4: D --> I was marely asking a question!  
TA4: >>B^/  
CT4: D --> ... That 100% stupid, pardon my language  
TA4: oh, g0 fuck yourself CT.  
CT4: D --> Fine, I won’t keep the pro%y open  
CT4: D --> Glad to know that’s been settled  
TA4: UGH.  
TA4: fine, fuck it, send j0hn to me.  
CT4: D --> Will do  


* * *

EB1: wow youve been talking for a long time.  
CT4: D --> I’m back.  
CT4: D --> Please click this link:  
CT4: D --> www.trlion.org/000056-413  
CT4: D --> It will transfer you over to Sollu%  
EB1: wow, thanks equius!  
CT4: D --> Not a problem  
CT4: D --> Though  
CT4: D --> Now I have to do this all day  
CT4: D --> Or  
CT4: D --> At least until the server is fi%ed  
CT4: D --> So maybe longer than a day  
CT4: D --> Maybe a week  
CT4: D --> Maybe a human month  
CT4:   
CT4: D --> Oh good Lord  
CT4: D --> John, what have I done?  
EB1: hey, look on the bright side! at least youve done the right thing?  
CT4: D --> John, I have crippling social an%iety  
EB1: oh.  
CT4: D --> Yeah  
EB1: ... wow, rip.  
CT4: D --> I don’t know how to take this, but I appreciate the sentiment  
EB1: i feel sorry for you and i hope this doesnt take its toll on your mental health.  
CT4: D --> Oh  
CT4: D --> Well  
CT4: D --> Then I really do appreciate the sentiment  
EB1: and good luck!  
CT4: D -->  
CT4: D --> Than%  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, confession time. I've honest to god lost steam with this. I just wanted to get a chapter out 'cause it's my most popular fic. 
> 
> So - It's not abandoned, i would never abandon something, but it's going to be even more infrequently updated. I'm bored with it, long story short, and sorta overwhelmed? IDK. This was only made to cheer people up anyway. I'm much more into [Minecraftstuck](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11054289/chapters/24645735) anyway. 
> 
> Which reminds me: - Happy Captor Tech Support One Year Anniversary! It's been almost e%actly one year since CTS's creation. Thank y'all for helping me take it this far c:
> 
> Thank you for reading, tr001y it means a lot to me. Comments and Kudos also means a lot, you don't understand how giddy i get every time I see an email like "[x] commented!" or "You've got kudos"! It's a really nice feeling.
> 
> [EDIT:] I've added chapter titles.


	16. Chapter 16 - Captor Christmas Special! (Ch XIV Part III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Winter Holiday Season! Christmas, Hanukkah, the whole shebang. Will Captor Tech Support get their servers back???? Who knows. It was _a lot_ of Faygo that those small, tiny bees drank. They could have been drunk for years!!! Luckily, (And unfortunately, for Equius), they were only drunk for one month. Was he able to keep the rerouted server up for that long? 
> 
> Roxy opened a server to reminisce on what had happened from the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back in time for christmas, with a broken laptop.
> 
> Y'all don't realise how HARD it is to code on mobile, oh my GOD.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] created chat: “backup home server memo for tech suppert. *support.”!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG2]  invited terminatedAncipital [TA1], twinnedArchitecture [TA2], torturedAftershock [TA3], and twinArmageddons [TA4] to the chat!

TG2: i mafe a new hat for yall  
TG2: *chat lol  
TG2: i have NOT knitted any hats lately.   
TA1: FUCK, R0XY, Y0U’RE THE BEST.  
TG2: aaaaAAAAANNNNNDDD...  
TG2: GUEEEESSSS WHHAT DAY IT ISSSSSSAAA????  
TA4: what.  
TA3: CHR1M80PP0?  
TG2: HAPPY HANUKKAH   
TG2: igot my stupid hanukkah sweaters READY IT IS TIME TO FUCKDINF PARTY!!!!!!!  
TA4: 0h.  
TA4: have... fun?  
TG2: i wiiiiillllllll ;)

* * *

canterandTrot [CT3] requested help!  
Your call is being redirected...

CT4: D --> Welcome to Captor’s redirected tech support, I don’t work here, who do you want to be redirected to?  
CT3:  
CT4:  
CT3: 8=I  
CT4: D -->  
CT3: _8=I_  
CT4: D --> Horuss?  
CT3: 8=? < Equius?   
CT4: D --> ...  
CT3: 8=I < ...  
CT4: D --> Well  
CT4: D --> This is awkward  
CT3: 8=T < Indeed.  
CT4: D --> Sh-  
CT4: D --> I  
CT4: D --> What is the... problem?   
CT3: 8x < I just want someone to talk to. But also I want to know how to disappear entirely online.  
CT4: D -->   
CT4: D --> Why  
CT3: 8=/ < Because I want to disappear.  
CT4: D --> Please don’t  
CT3: Why sh001d I?  
CT3: Who w001d care if I disappeared and ran away?   
CT4: D --> I w001d!!!  
CT4: D --> I’d care, my ancestor w001d care, my clone w001d care-  
CT4: D --> Heck, loads of people w001d care!  
CT3: ...  
CT3: 8=(  
CT3: 8=( < If you say so, but-  
CT3: 8=( < I thought you all hated me. I thought you all thought that I was a nuisance. There is no use in beating a dead horse.  
CT4: D --> _You’re not dead_  
CT3: 8=/ < I.  
CT3: 8=T < I’ve been dead before.  
CT3: 8=I < It feels close enough.  
CT4: D --> No!  
CT4: D --> You are depressed, you’re not a nuisance nor are you anywhere close to death  
CT4: D --> I can promise that you are not a nuisance  
CT3: 8x   
CT3: 8=/ < If. If you say so.  
CT4: D --> In fact, I’m more of a nuisance than you!   
CT3: 8=? < I don’t think you’re a nuisance.  
CT4:  
CT3:  
CT4: D --> Well, you are wrong about that  
CT3: 8=S < I am not.  
CT4: D --> Yes, you are  
CT3: 8=/ < No, I’m not.  
CT4: D -->   
CT4: D --> You are so  
CT3: 8=( < I am not!  
CT4: D --> Are so!  
CT3: 8=( < Am not!!  
CT4: D --> Are so!!  
CT3: 8=( < Am not!!!  
CT4: D --> _Are so!!!_  
CT3: 8=( < _Am not!!!!_  
CT4: D --> _ARE SO!!!!_  
CT3: X=( < _AM NOT!!!!!_  
CT4: D --> PROVE IT!!  
CT3: X=C < PEOPLE A%UALLY LIKE YOU!!!  
CT4: D --> NO ONE LIKES ME!  
CT4: D --> I’M CREEPY, POP IN FROM SEEMINGLY OUT OF NOWHERE, AND I HAVE CRIPPLING SOCIAL AN%IETY  
CT3: D=X < ONE - NO ONE LIKES ME, EITHER!!!  
CT3: D=X < TWO - YOU’RE NOT AS CREEPY AS I AM.  
CT3: D=X < THREE - YOU’RE THE _VOID._   
CT3: D=X < _AND FOUR_ \- YOU’RE A%UALLY _HELPING_ PEOPLE DESPITE YOUR SOCIAL AN%IETY!!!!  
CT3: D=X < I HAVE DONE REMOTELY JACK FUCKING _SHIT_ WITH MY LIFE, PARDON THE LANGUAGE.  
CT3: D=X < I DON’T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE WANT FROM ME!  
CT3: D=X < I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT _I_ WANT FROM ME!!  
CT3: X=C < I just want to hide somewhere never see the light of day again. It’s what I deserve.  
CT3: 8=( < No one w001d care.  
CT3: 8( < Nothing will ever be good for me. Every time I attempt to get out of the Void I just fall back in and kickstart a new neverending downward spiral. There’s not a point in attempting to fi% it. Some things are better left broken. Some things just can’t be fi%ed. It’s better to just leave it be. Better to just leave and not bother anyone else with it. Who w001d want to help? I w001dn’t help me. I’m useless and needy and clingy and an awful e%cuse for a troll.  
CT4: D --> Horuss  
CT4: D --> You are the Page of Void   
CT4: D --> You are capable of everything  
CT3: You mean nothing. I am capable of nothing.  
CT4: D --> _Horuss shut the fuck up and listen to me for 5 god damn fucking minutes_  
CT3: 8O  
CT3: Watch your language!  
CT4: D --> At this point, Horuss?  
CT4: D --> I c001dn’t give less of a fuck about watching my language. You can’t even watch a language, it’s impossible  
CT4: D --> I am going to take a leaf out of my clones book and swear like a FUCKING sailor if it gets you to a%ually LISTEN to me  
CT4: D --> The Void is a comple%ity. It is a parado% in of itself. The Void is all-consuming and non-e%istant. The Void is everything and nothing all at the same time  
CT4: D --> Void is the ability to make something out of nothing - to build up from a blank sheet. But it is also the ability to hide everything from everyone - To Conceal and Reveal. Light players main in Reveal, whereas the Void main in Concealment. It is a quiet aspect, a silent one if you will  
CT4: D --> As a Page of Void, you are capable of so much; you can’t see it, though. It is concealed. And it is tr001y infuriating watching you saying you aren’t worth a thing when you are worth so much more compared to me. You can do so many things that I c001dn’t even if I _tried_ to work as hard as you have. I can’t measure up, and I never will  
CT4: D --> But you don’t see that. You’ll never see that, because you _can’t_ see that. It’s all a part of the hidden potential of the Page class, but it is especially in you, because you hold the aspect that mains in _secrets and concealment,_ and therefore you physically _can’t see your own potential_  
CT4: D --> You can’t see how much progress you’ve made, you can only see where you c001d have done better. Because you want the final product to be perfect  
CT4: D --> You have not yet grasped the parado%ial void that there is no such thing as ‘perfect’  
CT3:   
CT3: I.  
CT3: I don’t believe you.  
CT4: D --> This calls for special measures, then   
CT4: D --> You are in your room correct?  
CT3: How did you-  
CT4: D --> I am entering your room  
CT4: D --> Happy 12th perigees, Horuss  
CT3: NO-

canterandTrot [CT3] has disconnected!

The server has crashed. Apologies for the inconvenience.  


* * *

TA4: FUCK.  
TG2: wha?  
TA4: the redirection server’s g0ne down.  
TG2: aww is eq bussssst?  
TG2: *busy?   
TA4: he’s been d0ing a go0d job s0 far, so maybe he is.  
TA4: FUUUUCK.  
TG2: riiip :( hope hes ok.  
TA1: ALL II WANT F0R CHRI5TMA5 II5 A FUNCTII0NAL FUCKIING 5ERVER.  
TA2: wh4t 4re you expectiing, 4 hum4n chrii2tm42 miir4cle?  
TA1: WHAT HAPPENED WIITH Y0UR AU5PIICIIAL II55UE.  
TA2: oh uh.   
TA2: 2x’2 kk fiixed the ii22ue wiith 4 he4lthy do2e of re4liity.

* * *

CG4: AND YOU TWO ARE ACTNG LIKE FUCKING *CHILDREN*. IN FACT? I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’RE ACTING WORSE THAN CHILDREN. FEFERI AND ERIDAN ACT BETTER THAN YOU TWO. GROW THE FUCK UP AND ACT LIKE THE ADULTS YOU FUCKING ARE ALREADY.   
CC2:  
CA2:  
CA2: he has a point fef  
CA2: this _has_ been goin on a little long  
CC2: And it seams to be tearing our s)(ared quadrant-mate apart...  
CA2: then theres only one thing ta do  
CC2: I’m breaking up wit)( you.  
CA2: im br-  
CA2: GOD FUCKIN DAMN IT!!   
TA2: 222hhhooo2hh, N4vii.  
CA2: i ww  
CA2:  
CA2: i wanted to break up with _you_  
CC2: So it’s mutual t)(en!!  
CA2: i suppose it is  
TA2: you two diidn’t h4ve two bre4k up-  
CA2: nah weve been at each others necks for so long that i forgot why i even hated her in the first place. i still dont like her but i aint feeling any pitch anymore  
CC2: And I eel t)(e same way 38(  
CA2: so were better off like this, yeah?  
CC2: yea)(!  
TA2: 2o... no more 4rgument2 whiich dr4g me iintwo your kii2me2iitude?   
CA2: nope  
CC2: Nope!  
TA2: biitchtiit2.  
AC1: 8/c < why am i even here again?  
CG4: MORAL SUPPORT. YOU GAVE ME MORAL SUPPORT AND A SEMBLANCE OF SANITY.  
AC1: :0c   
AC1: 83c < SW33T.

* * *

TA1: DAMN, IIT’5 G00D T0 HEAR THAT THEY’VE 50RTED 0UT THEIIR DIIFFERENCE5, BUT 50RRY THAT THEY BR0KE UP.  
TA2: iit’2 ok4y. iit’2 been 4 long tiime comiing for iit, hone2tly.  
TG2: hey didd u evern figure out whay wd wrotn w meens game?  
TA1: II DIID ACTUALLY.  
TG2: ooooo  
TA1: TURNED 0UT T0 BE AN II55UE WIITH THE GAME IIT5ELF. SHE REIINSTALLED IIT AND IIT FIIXED IIT5ELF.  
TA3: WHY D1DJ7 U T3LEL H3R R 70 D02 7H46 83F043??  
TA1: ...  
TA1: II D0N’T ACTUALLY KN0W.  
TA3: 0H D1D J0GHN G37 H15 C4K33 0U7734 7JH3 PC????  
TA4:  
TA4: i fixed that thing but  
TA4: there was a slight pr0blem afterwards.  
TA1: LIIKE WHAT.

* * *

EB1: thanks so much, i can’t believe my ghost busters hoover actually came in handy for once!  
TA4: you’re welc0me. have a nice day.  
EB1: you too!

ectoBiologist [EB1] closed the line!

terminallyCapricious [TC4] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]!

TC4: is cts down or something?  
TA4: uh. yeah. why?  
TC4: mother FUCK how are we gonna get ALL THIS MOTHER FUCKING APPLE PIE OUT OF THIS GODDAMN KEYBOARD NOW???  
TA4:  
TA4:   
TA4: please for the l0ve of g0d do n0t even speak to the cr0cker-egberts. please. i’m begging you.  
TC4:  
TC4:  
TC4: did  
TC4: did they get pie in their keyboard too or something?  
TA4: n0.   
TC4: then-  
TA4: they got _cake_ in their c0mputers.  
TC4: like   
TC4: inside it?  
TA4: YES.  
TC4:  
TC4:  
TC4:   
TC4: okay, one: cake in a hard drive is a big motherfucking mood.  
TA4: OH F0R FUCKS SAKE.  
TC4: two, how the ever loving fuck did it get there, im intrigued as fuck.  
TC4: and three, im honest to god impressed and laughing my fucking ass off in the theoretical ways.  
TA4: i’m begging you D0N’T TALK TO THEM!!!  
TC4: :oP honk

* * *

TA4: i think i accidentally introduced the cr0ckerberts to the makaras.  
TG2: gamz already met then all thi  
TG2: *them all tho  
TA4: well n0w he’s going t0 shove cake int0 his hard drive because “mo0d”.   
TG2: ...  
TA4: see?  
TG2: i can see his point  
TA4: WHAT  
TG2: thaz a big mood  
TA3: 7H8 Y4   
TA3: 81GG357 G0DD4MN M00D  
TG2: BIIIIIG MOOOOOD  
TA4: why do i w0rk with any of y0u at all.  
TA1: CAN’T CH005E FAMIILY.  
TA1: WELL Y0U CAN, BUT LIIKE. IIN THII5 CA5E Y0U CAN’T  
TA2: guy2.  
TA3: U C4B P1CK3 FR0NDZ 7H0  
TG2: pick ya friend s bt nt ur fam   
TA3: 8R05 83F0R3R H035  
TG2: whatm i them?  
TA3: U 4 8R0  
TG2: :D  
TG2: im xrying bro,  
TG2: im cryibn,,,  
TA3: 8357 8R00005  
TA2: GUY2!!   
TA1: WHAT.  
TA2: ii thiink the bee2 4re 2oberiing up.  
TA3: 8O  
TA4: BO  
TG2: :O  
TA1: >>BO  
TG2: itz a hanukkah mirecle  
TG2: *miracle  
TA1: II’M G0IING T0 TRY IIT.  
TG2: GL BRO!!  
TA4: yeah, go0d luck

* * *

SET UP INITIALISED... PLEASE WAIT...

...

WELCOME TO CAPTOR TECH SUPPORT, PLEASE SELECT AN OPTION.

> ADMINISTRATOR SETTINGS. <  
FILE SETTINGS.  
OPEN IN SAFE MODE.  
RESTART

ADMINISTRATOR SETTINGS.

> REBOOT <  
FACTORY RESET  
SYSTEM RESTORE  
DELETE EVERYTHING

REBOOTING... PLEASE WAIT... 

...

WELCOME TO CAPTOR TECH SUPPORT! SERVERS ARE NOW OPEN.

PSIIONIIC: FUCK YE5.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember... when I said I was putting CTS on a backburner to focus on Minecraftstuck?
> 
> Then decided to post 5+ things that weren't Minecraftstuck, including this chapter of CTS?
> 
> Ahahahaha. Ha. 
> 
> Thanks for reading the finale of Chapter XIV and Enjoy the Christmas Special!!!!


	17. Chapter 17 - INTERMISSION 2: EOA2: THE CURSE OF THE @EVERYONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> END OF ACT 2: 
> 
> A year or so has passed since the creation of Captor Technology and Computer Support Company (Short name CTS), and a lot of things have happened. The main Project Sollux himself was working on has finally come to fruition. What is it? 
> 
> And what's new in the world in general?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD WITH A NEW CAPTOR TECH SUPPORT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> As it says at the notes in the beginning, CTS has been rewritten and edited for better readability!! I've just spent the last week or so updating and rejigging and editing the layout of Captor Tech Support, so if you've been wondering 'Oh hey, I wanna re-read Captor Tech Support', there's no better time to do it than now!! The Layout is much better, and there's not only been grammatical edits, but speech edits too!! Conversations have been extended longer, and it's, in my opinion, more funny overall!!
> 
> If you're a new reader, then Welcome to Captor Tech Support!!!! Be prepared for slow updates. I'm sorry for this.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] HAS OPENED PUBLIC MEMO: “SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENTS.” --

TA4: don’t try t0 respond t0 this, the server is locked s0 only auth0rised personnel can send messages.  
TA4: ANYWAY.  
TA4: i kn0w i don’t n0rmally create big memo things, because that’s kk’s f0rte. but this shit is IMPORTANT.  
TA4: and that shit is:   
TA4: I’VE 0VERHAULLED AND EDITED TROLLIAN.  
TA4: s0me of y0u may ask: why?  
TA4: and i would laugh, and m0ckingly reply:   
TA4: why??  
TA4: WHY????  
TA4: THE SPACING SUCKED ASS.  
TA4: THAT’S WHY.  
TA4: anyway, downl0ad Trollian ver 2.2.  
TA4: n0w available here:

twinArmageddons [TA4] sent file: “trollian_ver_2.2.dth”!

TA4: if you want s0me motivati0n to d0wnload the update, see the message bel0w:  
TA4: Captor Tech Supp0rt won’t w0rk without it.  
TA4: see ya.

* * *

\-- terrifyingClowns [TC1] has started trolling carcinoGriever [CG1]! --

TC1: I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE THIS NEW UPDATE.  
CG1: THAT’S 6ECAUSE Y9U HATE CHANGE.  
TC1: but don’t you get all to motherfucking thinking that it be all like  
TC1: A LITTLE BIT PEDANTIC??   
CG1: 9F C9URSE IT’S PEDANTIC THAT’S THE WH9LE REAS9N IT’S CHANGED.  
TC1: idk i just.  
TC1: I DUNNO! IT JUST FEELS WEIRD. LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF THE LAST YEAR OR SO’S MESSAGES HAVE CHANGED SOMEHOW.  
CG1: ...  
CG1: KURL9Z, WHAT THE FUCK?  
TC1: i’m just saying!!!  
TC1: IT FEELS ALL KINDS OF MOTHERFUCKING WEIRD AND NOT RIGHT IN WEIRD WAYS!!  
CG1: ST9P 6EING PARAN9ID, Y9U SHIT.  
TC1: if _anyone_ is paranoid, it’s little kurloz.  
TC1: HE’S STILL A LITTLE TOO SCARED TO DOWNLOAD IT, SO MITUNA’S TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM TO DO IT.  
TC1: i at least _downloaded_ it before getting worried.  
TC1: JUST MOTHERFUCKING SAYING.  
TC1: (enter weird shrug looking emoji)  
CG1: ...  
CG1: DID Y9U MEAN: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
TC1: YES.   
CG1: THEN WHY DID Y9U N9T JUST D9 THAT?  
TC1:   
TC1:   
TC1: i didn’t want to.  
CG1: LIAR. Y9U DIDN’T KN9W H9W T9.  
TC1:

\-- terrifyingClowns [TC1] has blocked carcinoGriever [CG1]! --

* * *

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] POSTED IN PUBLIC MEMO: “SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENTS.” --

TA4: 0h yeah, more updates in this versi0n:   
TA4: you can create servers and gr0up chats with ease. trust me, it’s BETTER than versi0n 1.1. a LOT better.  
TA4: y0u can even @everyone in a server.  
TA4: ... 0h fuck.  
TA4: please don’t be me, and @every0ne accidentally.   
TA4: LUCKILY, you can press space between the @ and everyone. als0, it doesn’t w0rk with quirks. there’s just to0 many to acc0unt for.   
TA4: unf0rtunately, i can’t seem to add em0ji reactions attached t0 messages. again, i am sorry ab0ut that, and i am working 0n a fix for it. bear with me 0n that, however, because it might take a while.  
TA4: 0h wait.   
TA4: you can als0 change the permissions - d0ing this means that some pe0ple can actually alert everyone when they @every0ne.  
TA4: i think that’s everything, have a lovely day.

* * *

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] OPENED CHANNEL: “REACTIONS AND EMOJIS.” --

TA4: n0w @everyone, don’t make me regret d0ing this.  
TC1: [>:o/](https://discordemoji.com/assets/emoji/GWnoneAngryPing.png)  
TC4: it’s an @ everyone.  
TC3: [>:oI](https://discordemoji.com/assets/emoji/angeryping.gif)  
TC2: [>:ol](https://i.redditmedia.com/w5zxQ9Tq3Uezu6u2T85S8bgs5ww8ytOL77H3RoHTTdw.png?w=677&s=cf7c064326e730471f7d3fcd26e996fe)  
TC4: >:o(  
TA4: and just like that, every single one 0f you have made me regret creating this channel for y0u. it’s all your fault.  
TC4: hey, sollux?  
TA4: what?  
TC4: you know the @ everyones?  
TA4: ... yeah?  
TC4: what about karkat?  
TA4: ... what ab0ut him?  
TC4:   
TC4: NEVER MIND.  
TA4: ... you kn0w what, i’ll check up on him, and see if he’s 0kay. because you just said that, and n0w i’m worried.

* * *

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG4]! --

TA4: what the FUCK, KK??  
CG4:   
CG4: YOU SAW THAT, DIDN’T YOU.  
TA4: uh, YEAH????  
CG4: AND NO ONE ELSE DID?  
TA4: i... d0n’t think so?  
CG4: GOOD. I’M GOING TO DO SOMETHING, BUT DON’T TELL ANYONE ANYTHING UNTIL I GIVE THE SIGNAL.  
TA4: and what’s _that?_  
CG4: “YOU GUESSED WRONG”.  
TA4: KK WHAT THE

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA4]! --

TA4: KK Y0U-  
TA4: oh.   
TA4: i guess i’ll just fan the flames.   
TA4: >B)

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG4]! --

* * *

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] has opened private memo: “FOCUS UP SHITHEADS.” --

CG4: @everyone  
CG4: ASSHOLES AND SHITHEADS. WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY FOR ONE REASON, AND ONE REASON ONLY.  
CG4: WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES BROKE THE COFFEE MACHINE.  
CG4: I’M NOT MAD, I JUST WANT TO KNOW.   
GA4: It Was Me  
CG4: NO. NO IT WASN’T.  
CG4: VRISKA?  
AG4: Don’t call _me_ out!   
AG4: Call out Equius!!!!!!!!  
CT4: D --> What  
CT4: D --> I didn’t break that thing, I don’t like coffee  
AG4: Oh???????? That’s weird! How did you know it was _8roken????????_  
CT4: D --> Because Karkat just said it was broken  
AG4: Suspicious........  
CT4: D --> Not really  
GC4: 1F 1T M4TT3RS 4T 4LL  
GC4: G4MZ33 W4S TH3 L4ST P3RSON 1 SM3LT N34R 1T  
TC4: WHAT THE FUCK?  
TC4: I DON’T DRINK THAT CRAP!!!!  
GC4: TH3N WH4T W3R3 YOU DO1NG OV3R TH3R3  
GC4: HMMM?  
TC4: i use the wooden stirrers to chew on, everyone knows this _terezi_  
GA4: Lets Not Fight  
GA4: I Broke It  
GA4: Let Me Pay For It  
CG4: NO!  
CG4: WHO THE EVERLOVING FUCK BROKE IT???  
TA4: hey kk?  
CG4: WHAT?  
TA4: i just wanted t0 ask you s0mething.  
CG4: AND WHAT’S THAT?  
TA4:   
TA4: don’t y0u think @caligulasAquarium has been _really_ quiet?  
CA4: OH, REALLY??  
TA4: i’m just sayin that you have.  
CA4: BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WWHAT’S HAPPENING  
TA4: that’s what the pers0n who br0ke it WOULD say.  
CA4: oh  
CA4: my god  
CT4: D --> I am just saying  
CT4: D --> Neither me nor Nepeta have been near that area  
AG4: Then why doesn’t she say that herself?  
CT4: D --> Okay   
CT4: D --> Fine   
CT4: D --> She will  
TC4: I CANNOT GET MY KNOWLEDGE DOWN TO EVEN _BELIEVING_ THAT YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD EVEN _ATTEMPT_ TO DRINK THAT SLUDGE.  
GC4: 1M S1MPLY ST4T1NG TH3 F4CTS M4K4R4  
TC4: AND WHAT A GOOD MOTHERFUCKING JOB YOU’RE DOING ON YOUR SO CALLED “FACT FINDING” YOU EROGENOUS SHITPILE.  
CT4: D --> I don’t think that is the right usage of that word  
CT4: D --> Or even if it’s a word  
GC4: >8[   
GC4: YOUR3 4 TW4T  
TC4: sorry.  
AC4: :33 < i didnt fucking break it _vriskers._ and quite frankly i am _pissed_ that you would suggest i did!!  
CT4: D --> Mind your language, Nepeta  
AG4: She can speak for herself! Let the woman swear for Gods sake!  
AA4: i could always find out who broke it for you karkat  
CG4: NO ARADIA, SAVE YOUR STRENGTH FOR SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS.  
AT4: oR, i COULD JUST SAY, tHAT I BROKE IT, jUST TO GET THE ARGUMENTS TO STOP,,  
CG4: TAVROS, SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DIDN’T BREAK IT, SO DON’T BLAME YOURSELF.  
CC4: U)(m, I t)(ink was notified?  
CG4: YES YOU WERE. DID YOU BREAK THE COFFEE MACHINE?  
CC4: I drink TaB.  
TC4: >:oOOOO  
TC4: *SHOCKED GASP.*  
CC4: It’s good!!  
TC4: if by good you mean ‘like drinking a can of vomit’, then yes. i guess it be all is.  
CC4: I mean I could say the same about faygo.  
CC4: But I R---ESP---ECT people’s preferences in beverage.  
TC4:  
TC4: sorry  
TC4: I’M NOT SAYING IT AIN’T SHIT.  
TC4: but i’m sorry for putting the hate on you for liking it.  
CC4: It’s okay, I was only messing around anywave.  
CC4: faygo sucks!!  
CC4: It’s like drinking a w)(ole barrel of pond water.  
TC4: YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU VILE ENCHANTRESS!!  
CC4: I  
CC4: W)(at?  
TC4: my mouth says words that i don’t know the full meanings of.  
TC4: i think it’s like another word for witch  
CT4: D --> Are   
CT4: D --> Are you talking about synonyms?  
TC4: ...   
TC4: im just gonna get my guess on and say... yes?  
CT4:   
CT4: D --> Well  
CT4: D --> That is a synonym for witch  
TC4: and you’re a witch. of _life_ :oD  
CC4:   
CC4:  
CC4:   
CC4: I was just s)(ocked you knew the word enc)(antress.  
TC4: for the last time, i am not a complete idiot.  
TC4: i’m only slightly an idiot.  
TC4: maybe more than slightly but i’m not entirely an idiot.  
TC4:  
TC4: i can feel you all judging me!!  
GC4: WHY 4R3 W3 1GNOR1NG TH3 TRUNKB34ST 1N TH3 ROOM?  
TC4: STOP JUDGING ME!!  
GC4:  
GC4: WOW  
GC4: TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON H4S D3R41L3D 4 LOT  
GC4: BUT!  
GC4: 4 CONV3RS4T1ON TO D3R41L SO F4R FROM TH3 PO1NT B3COM3S TH3 P3RF3CT D1STR4CT1ON FROM TH3 TRUTH!   
GC4: TH3R3FOR3...   
GC3: F3F3R1 **MUST*** H4V3 BROK3 1T!  
CC4: I DON’T ----EV--EN KNOW WH---ER---E THE COFF-E---E MAC)(IN-----E IS!!!!!!!  
TC4: STOP BLAMING PEOPLE WHO DRINK SODA!!!  
GC4: 1TS 4 W4R  
GC4: 4 W4R ON B3V3R4G3S  
GC4: W3R3 DOOM3D  
GC4: DOOM3D 1 S4Y!  
AC4: :33 < well, i only drink the blood of my ENEMIES!!  
TC4: OH, WAIT!   
TC4: LET ME GET ALL MY GUESSING ON TEREZI!  
TC4: ARE YOU GOING TO TRY AND PIN ALL KINDS OF BLAME ON NEPETA FOR DRINKING  
TC4: wait   
TC4: you drink what now?  
AC4: >:3c  
AC4: >:33 < how do you like THEM apples  
TC4: :oI   
TC4: im just gonna get my ignore on of that tidbit  
GC4: SO   
GC4: 4PP4R3NTLY N3P3T4 DR1NKS BLOOD  
GC4: 1 C3RT41NLY D1DNT KNOW TH4T  
GC4: TH3N 4GA1N   
GC4: SO DO3S K4N4Y4   
GC4: SO SHOULD W3 R34LLY B3 4S SHOCK3D 4S W3 4R3?  
GA4: Excuse Me Terezi  
GA4: I Only Drink The Blood Of People Who Explicitly Allow Me To Do So  
GA4: It Is A Tough Process Due To Human Blood Incompatibility   
GA4: As Well As A Few People Refusing To Sign Consent Forms  
GA4: Number Five Colon Right Parenthesis Multiplied By Twelve  
TC4: what’s that in picture form i don’t know names of the symbol thingies  
GA4: That Would Be As Below  
GA4: 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:) 5:)  
TC4: but why are you happy? that doesn’t seem all like a motherfucking thing to make a sing and dance about.  
GA4: Imagine It Said In A Very Passive Aggressive Way  
TC4: you can smile passive aggressively?   
GA4: Have You Even Met Your Dancestor  
TC4:  
TC4: _ooooh._ i get it now.  
CC4: W--ELL MAYB--E, SOM--E P---EOPL-E DON’T WANT TO G--ET BITT---EN!!!  
TC4: wait, is this is about that weird sheet of paper which smells like lavender?  
GA4: Yes It Is  
TC4: i  
TC4: I’M TELLING THE TRUTH! I’M TOO SHORT! I WON’T HAVE ENOUGH BLOOD LEFT IN ME IF I GIVE YOU SOME. FOR A PURPLEBLOOD, I’M FAR BELOW AVERAGE HEIGHT. I’M REALLY MOTHERFUCKING SHORT FOR A PURPLEBLOOD!  
CA4: _KAN_  
CA4: _THE LAST TIME I WWENT NEAR YOU, YOU SLICED ME IN HALF_  
GA4: Hmm  
GA4: Eridan Has A Valid Excuse To Avoid Filling In The Forms  
TC4: are you saying i’m invalid?  
GA4: You Have A Decent Excuse But I Would Not Call It Valid  
TC4: :o(  
GA4: Its Because Your Reasoning Is Stupid  
GA4: However Correct It May Be  
TC4: _:o(_  
CC4: O)(! I G-ET IT NOW!!!  
GA4: Excuse You  
CC4: No, -EXCUS--E YOU! MRS KANAYA “Ill Take All The Blame And No One Thinks I Did It Because Im Such A Good Samaritan But I Actually Did It” LALOND----E!!!  
CC4: _You broke the coffee mac)(ine!!!!_  
GA4: Pardon me But  
GA4: What  
GA4: When Accused All You Said Was Quote I Drink Tab Unquote  
GA4: You Never Denied Anything  
GA4: You Deflected The Question  
GA4: Therefore You Are Hiding Something  
GA4: And That Something Is That You Broke The Coffee Machine  
CC4: LI---ES AND SLAND----ER!!!  
CT4: D --> Technically, it’s libel  
GC4: 4H, D3T41LS.  
CG4: ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH.   
CG4: YOU’VE BEEN AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS LONG ENOUGH, AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SOLVED THE MYSTERY.  
CG4: PUT IN YOUR VOTES NOW: WHO BROKE IT?  
CC4: Kanaya  
GA4: Feferi  
GC4: G4MZ33  
TC4: _i don’t drink motherfucking coffee._  
TC4: that’s it.  
TC4: i vote terezi.  
TC4: sitting and accusing people whilst not denying it herself.  
GC4: YOU L1TTL3 B1TCH!!  
TC4: YOU’RE THE BITCH!!  
CA4: idk wwho to vvote for  
CG4: JUST FUCKING PICK SOMEONE.  
CA4: sol, evven though i doubt he did it; he wwas wworkin  
TA4: I WAS W  
TA4: 0h.  
TA4: then i vote f0r ED because he voted f0r me.  
AT4: i ABSTAIN,  
AA4: i also abstain  
CG4: YOU CAN’T DO THAT.  
AA4: can you stop me?  
CG4: ... NO.  
AT4: ,,, oH,  
AG4: Equius.  
CT4: D --> Vriska  
AC4: :33 < vriska  
AG4: WH8T.  
AC4: :33   
AG4: KARKAT, THIS ISN’T FAIR!!!!!!!!  
TC4: can i change my vote?  
CG4: ABSOLUTELY NOT.  
CG4: ANYWAY, MAJORITY VOTES VRISKA.  
AG4: WH8T????????  
AG4: THE MAJORITY WAS TWO PEOPLE OUT OF NINE!!!!!!!!  
AG4: THAT’S N8T. FUCKING. FAIR.  
CG4: THAT’S DEMOCRACY.  
CG4: OH, AND BY THE WAY?  
CG4: YOU GUESSED WRONG.  
AC4: :?? < wait, what? we did??  
AC4: :?? < then who did it?  
TA4: it was fuckin kk. kk broke it. i saw him d0 it.  
AC4: :?? < what????  
AC4: :?? < why would karkat open a memo asking who did it if he did it??  
CT4: D --> By all accounts it doesn’t make sense  
TC4: no.  
TC4: wait.  
TC4: _everything_ makes sense.  
GC4: G4MZ33 H4S 4 PO1NT... UNFORTUN4T3LY. 3V3RYTH1NG M4K3S 4 LOT MOR3 S3NS3 NOW.  
CT4: D --> E%cuse me but   
CT4: D --> _What?_  
TC4: i mean, he’s getting us to accuse people, yet he’s not denying anything himself.  
GC4: 4ND B3C4US3 W3 W3R3 TOO BUSY BL4M1NG 34CH OTH3R, OR BL4M1NG OURS3LV3S  
TC4: we didn’t think about if the person who was asking about it was at fault.  
GC4: H3 COULDNT D3NY 4N 4CCUS4T1ON 1F H3 W4S N3V3R 4CCUS3D  
GC4: 4ND 3V3RYON3 KNOWS HOW B4D 4 L14R K4RK4T 1S  
TC4: and besides, who would ask the person who found it if _they_ broke it?   
GC4: 1T 1S WH4T ON3 M1GHT C4LL TH3 P3RF3CT CR1M3  
GC4: 4ND 1T W4S H1M WHO COMM1TT3D 1T  
CG4: BINGO.   
CG4: SEE WHAT THINGS YOU CAN THINK OF ONCE YOU WORK TOGETHER INSTEAD OF SPLITTING UP AND ARGUING AMONGST EACH OTHER?   
CG4: THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER. WE’RE BETTER AS A COHESIVE UNIT.  
CG4: YOU BETTER REMEMBER THAT.  
CG4: ... ALSO, THE BASTARD BURNT MY HAND, SO I PUNCHED IT. END OF STORY.  
TA4: god damn it, kk.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] has banned everyone from memo: “FOCUS UP SHITHEADS.” --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] has closed memo: “FOCUS UP SHITHEADS.” --

* * *

\-- carcinoGarrulity [CG3] opened memo: “Imp9rtant Ann9uncements.” --

CG3: @everyone  
CG3: N9w that I have y9ur attenti9n, I can 6egin my ser  
CG3: My message.  
TC3: KILL ME SWIFTLY.  
TC3: THAT IS ALL I REQUEST.  
TC3: PLEASE.  
CG3: Hmm. This isn’t @everyone.  
TC3: SERIOUSLY.   
TC3: IT WON’T BE HARD.   
TC3: JUST DO IT.  
TC3: PLEASE.  
CG3: Where is @everyone?  
TC3: [Xo(](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/403547885624360960/437228766352113688/DO_IT.jpg)  
TA3: 8R8   
TA3: 1M MURD341NG 50LLU7H FOR 7H1NK1NF 7H15 W45 4 G00D 1D34.  
GC3: bro, pl34s3 stop th3 @ sp4m!!!  
CC3: why  
CC3: why this  
GA3: Kanny, no+.  
CC3: i hate  
CC3: omg  
CT3: I am not in the mood for this.  
CT3: Any other time, maybe, however right now I am not.  
CT3: Goodbye.  
CT3: I.  
CT3:   
CT3: PLEASE ALLOW ME TO LEAVE?????  
CG3: N9, 6ecause this is imp9rtant.  
CT3: _OH MY GOD._  
CC3: well glub, even the horse is annoyed. aint seen that in a whale.  
AC3: ( ^╬●∀●) < WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT KANKITTY???  
CT3: I’M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS CR*P.   
AA3: あかい男の子。[red kid.]  
AA3: うるさい。 [shut up.]  
AT3: hey so l1ke, 1 have 1nsomn1a? so please don’t p1ng me so many t1mes, thanks......  
CA3: hey, i vwas pinged?  
AG3: Also, some people have jobs! They cannot 8e expected to appear upon your 8eck and call.  
CG3: I 6elieve every9ne has, h9wever; c9ntary t9 what y9u were saying, Aranea.   
CG3: And, n9w @everyone is here, we can 6egin.  
CA3: ok ewven i get that this is too many notifications  
CA3: please stop from @ewveryone, kankri, its a bit too much  
AA3: 彼に止めるように告げる? は。 [Tell him to stop? Ha.]  
AA3: がんばて。 [Good luck.]  
AT3: それは起こりそうにない。。。 [1t’s unl1kely to happen...]  
CT3: ない。[No.]  
CT3: それは決して起こらない。 [It never happens]  
AA3: ははハー、 あなたが正しいです！ [Hahaha, you’re right!]  
AT3: はははっー! [Hahaha!]  
AT3: ツ [}:)]  
AA3: やめる。[Stop.]  
CT3: おちる。[To fall.]  
AA3: ちがう。[Wrong.]  
CT3: フィドルスティック。 [Fiddlesticks.]  
CT3: はははっ、 ッ [Hahaha, ッ]  
CT3: ツ ツ ツ ツ [8=D]  
AA3: 話をやめてください、 あなたは恥ずかしい。 [Please stop talking, you’re embarrassing.]  
CT3: はい、 ごめん。[Ok, Sorry.]  
AT3: }:P  
CC3: hahahahaha what the fuck??  
CG3: I w9uld like t9 6egin this message 6y thanking y9u all f9r 6eing s9 attentive. I will first start 9ff with a few messages expl9ring h9w y9u have all 6een treating each 9ther, and h9w t9 impr9ve y9urself and y9ur acti9ns t9 make them less pr96lematic.  
TC3: QUESTION.  
CG3: Yes?  
TC3: DO YOU TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ON YOUR MESSAGES?  
CG3: A6s9lutely n9t.

_carcinoGarrulity [CG3]_ _is typing..._

* * *

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] opened memo: “IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS BUT BETTER.” --

CG4: @everyone  
CG4: NEWS OF THE DAY:   
CG4: ITEM ONE: IF YOU WANT RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM ME, PLEASE OFFER SOME FORM OF PAYMENT FIRST. MY EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD INCLUDES THE FOLLOWING: I WAS THE ONLY PERSON ABLE TO HANDLE MY TEAM’S BULLSHIT QUADRANTS, AND SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DO SO. I ALSO FIXED SOME BEFORUS ANCESTOR QUADRANT DRAMA INVOLVING A GOLDBLOOD AND TWO SEA DWELLERS. SO THERE’S THAT TOO.  
CG4: ITEM TWO:   
CG4: @EVERYONE IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING, EVER, AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK SOLLUX PERSONALLY FOR BRINGING IT INTO EXISTENCE. SO THANKS SOLLUX.  
CG4: ITEM THREE: I’M STICKING WITH THIS ITEM THING, I REALLY LIKE IT.  
CG4: AND FINALLY, ITEM FOUR: I HAVE OFFICIALLY BANNED KANKRI FROM USING @EVERYONE, DUE TO ABOUT SIX HUNDRED COMPLAINTS.   
CG4: EVEN HORUSS “I’M FINE WITH ANYTHING, PLEASE DON’T LET ME DECIDE” ZAHHAK COMPLAINED. EVEN FUCKING ***CRONUS*** COMPLAINED. CHRIST, KANKRI, HOW DID YOU GRATE THE NERVES OF SO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE?  
CG4: ANYWAY, HE’S PERMA-BANNED FROM @EVERYONE UNTIL HE LEARNS HOW TO USE IT PROPERLY.  
CG4: SINCE THIS IS THE FIRST EVER DAILY UPDATE, LET ME EXPLAIN HOW IT’S GOING TO WORK.  
CG4: I WON’T @EVERYONE FOR DAILY UPDATES, JUST THOSE WHO THE ANNOUNCEMENT RELATES TO. THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULDN’T READ THEM; YES, YOU SHOULD. YOU DON’T PARTICULARLY HAVE TO, BUT IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU DO SO.  
CG4: I WILL @EVERYONE FOR WEEKLY UPDATES. THEY WILL BE IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MEMO FROM THIS. IT IS BEING SET UP AS I TYPE THIS MESSAGE.  
CG4: THIS IS FOR IMPORTANT DAILY UPDATES, SO ONLY REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT UPDATES WILL BE ALLOWED HERE. ANYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT UNTIL THE WEEKLY UPDATE, WHICH IS THE ONE YOU KIND OF ***HAVE*** TO READ.  
CG4: SYSTEM UPDATES WILL BE SAID BY THE CAPTORS IN THE SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENTS SERVER; I HAVE NO JURISDICTION OVER THAT.  
CG4: THIS HAS BEEN YOUR DAILY UPDATE. THANKS FOR READING, AND WELL FUCKING DONE IF YOU GOT THIS FAR.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the intermission!!! In ACT 3: The Technological Revolution, be prepared for:
> 
> MORE CHARACTERS!!!  
> MORE TECHNICAL PROBLEMS!!!  
> EVEN MORE @EVERYONE'S!!!!!!!!!!!  
> AND WAY MORE GIFS THAN WHAT COULD BE CONSIDERED NECESSARY!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Things that are still up for debate and need your input on:
> 
> HIVESWAP CHARACTERS: SHOULD I ADD THEM (Once I know their quirks)  
> 


	18. Chapter 18 - HUMAN ANARHCY!!! (*anarchy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy is fucking pissed and proposes Human Anarchy.
> 
> Meanwhile, Karkat uses his coding "Skills" to make his own special business, and what the heck is Nepeta doing???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I get for not writing Roxy in the last chapter.
> 
> (p.s. More Striders so here's the code:
> 
> TG1 - Dave as we all know him  
> TG2 - Roxy  
> TG3 - Alpha Dave  
> TG4 - Davesprite  
> TT2 - Dirk)
> 
> (More striders may appear, and their codes will be listed in the notes)
> 
> (Intermission 2/2, ACT 3 will start soon i swear)
> 
> (i think)

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] POSTED IN PUBLIC MEMO: “SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENTS.” --

TG2: since SOMEONE didnt giv me access to this serber, i had to hack my way instead   
TG2: because _sollux_ is a jerk!  
TG2: i mean rude amirite??????  
TG2: ://////////////  
TG2: and he told me to update pesterchum for the humans so @everyone could be universal across clients  
TG2: HA! FUCK THAT!! THAT AINT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTUON  
TG2: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET SOLLUX!!  
TG2: THIS IS WHAT U GET FOR NOT GIVING ME ACCESS TO THIS SERVER U BIG DUMB JERKFACE  
TG2: ***HYUMAN ANARCHY!!!!!!***  
TG2: *human

* * *

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” --

TA4: how many times d0 i have to ap0logise?  
TA4: i am S0RRY for f0rgetting to give y0u access to the system updates server!  
TG2: I AM ENRAGED.  
TG2: comeptlely enrafed  
TG2: angry, u could say  
TA4: I’M FUCKIN S0RRY, OKAY??  
TA4: UGH!!  
TA4: I’M 0UT.  
TG2: u shuld be sorry.  
TA1: Y0U KN0W, II D0N’T THIINK Y0U’RE ACTUALLY A5 ENRAGED A5 Y0U 5AY.  
TG2: oh ya im tots not LMAO  
TG2: im just messign about but im not kiddiing abt the human anarchy  
TG2: :P  
TA1: ...   
TA1: H0NE5TLY, IIN MY 0PIINII0N, IIF WE HAVE T0 DEAL WIITH EVERY0NE’5 @EVERY0NE5, THEN II THIINK Y0U GUY5 5H0ULD, T00.  
TA1: 5L WIILL 5TART LECTURIING AGAIIN IIF HE KNEW H0W T0 U5E HII5 C0MPUTER. WE 5H0ULD C0UNT 0UR5ELVE5 LUCKY II HAVE YET T0 TEACH HIIM H0W T0 0PEN A 5ERVER.  
TA2: you’re del4yiing iit for ex4ctly th4t re42on, 4ren’t you?  
TA1: DAMN 5TRAIIGHT II AM.  
TG2: but pesterchum suuuuuuuuuuucks  
TA1: YE5. YE5 IIT D0E5.  
TA2: ok but 2ollux h42 ju2t kiicked down 4 pl4ntpot for no 4pp4rent re4son.  
TG2: oooooooooooo owo  
TA3: 0000000 1ND33D  
TA1: HEY R0X, ARE Y0U PURP05EFULLY FLIIRTIING WIITH 50LLUX?  
TG2: ...  
TG2: flirting??????  
TA1:  
TA1: 0H, N0.  
TA3: 0H N0.  
TA2: oh no.

* * *

\-- torturousClowns [TC2] posted in GroupChat “3 juggalos and a heathen walk into a bar. OUCH.” \-- 

TC2: ... why do i have a sudden urge to barge through the wall like  
TC2: [Oh YeAh!!!!!!](https://media0.giphy.com/media/dtfUJxOTqhHO/giphy.gif)   
TC2: ... who the FuCk changed the chat title again?  
TC1: what’s a title to a god?  
TC3: WHAT’S A GOD TO A FIZZED UP FAYGO?  
TC4: what _is_ god?  
TC1:  
TC3:   
TC2:  
TC2: ooooooooHHH SNAAAAAAAAP

\-- terrifyingClowns [TC1] changed the GroupChat title to “I AM SURROUNDED BY MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS.” \-- 

TC3: I TAKE AN OFFENCE ON THAT, YOU FUCK.  
TC1: ahem?  
TC1: IT IS YOU THAT IS THE FUCK HERE, BRO.  
TC1: nothing and i mean  
TC1: NOTHING  
TC1: can take down a god, not even a fizzed up motherfucking faygo  
TC4: i once opened a fizzed up faygo and nearly died, are we sure gods can withstand that?  
TC2:  
TC3:   
TC3: CASE PROVEN.  
TC1: GAMZEE ISN’T FUCKING GOD, FOR GOD’S SAKE!!  
TC4: can we please please pLeAsE PLEASE talk about sOmEtHiNg different PLEASE  
TC1: i’ll take that: what the fuck is with @torturousClowns deal regarding the facts that you seemingly ain’t talkin to your moirail?  
TC2: NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS  
TC2: THAT’S WHAT MY dEaL IS  
TC3: YOU DO SEEM PRETTY DOWN AND OUT ABOUT IT  
TC4:   
TC4: i hate this fucking family.

* * *

CT3: だまら? [Damara?]  
AA3: はい、ホルス? [Yes, Horuss?]  
CT3: あのー それわ [uh... it is]  
CT3: あーえと [a... uhm]  
CT3: ... Heck.  
AA3: YOU NOT EVEN ONE SENTENCE AND ALREADY MAKE NO SENSE.  
CT3: IT’S HARD!  
AA3: HOW YOU THINK I FEEL ALL TIME?  
CT3: ...  
CT3: I’m sorry.  
AA3: ばか [Stupid]  
CT3: !  
CT3: ねこ！ [Cat!]  
CT3: それわあねこ！ [Well, it’s a cat!]  
AA3: はい。ねこです。[Yes. It’s a cat.]  
CT3: 8=D

* * *

adiosToreador [AT4] requested help!  
Your call is being redirected now...

TA2: welcome two c4ptor tech 2upport how m4y ii help twod4y?  
AT4: uH, hI,  
AT4: i THINK i HAVE A, uH, pROBLEM,,   
AT4: nOT ENTIRELY COMPUTER RELATED, bUT SORT OF,,,  
TA2: expl4iin.  
AT4: lONG STORY SHORT, bUT MY FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF, iNSOMNIAC JERKS, wHO SOMEHOW GOT A VIRUS ON MY HUSKTOP,  
AT4: hOW DO i ENACT MY REVENGE,,?  
TA2: out of 4ll the que2tiion2 ii w42 expectiing, ii w42n’t expectiing _th4t._  
TA2: do... you w4nt the hu2ktop fiixed?  
AT4: oH YEAH,, tHAT TOO,  
TA2: beec4u2e _th4t_ ii c4n do. ii would 4l2o 2uggest h4ckiing/pl4ntiing 4 viiru2 on theiir own hu2ktop2 two 2ee how they liike iit for revenge.  
AT4: tEACH ME YOUR POWERS,,,   
AT4: aT MAKING VIRUSES,, oH WISE ONE,,,  
TA2: gl4dly, my f4iithful p4diiw4n.

* * *

TA4: KK HELP I THINK R0XY IS FLIRTING WITH ME!!  
CG4: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘ROXY IS FLIRTING WITH ME’?  
TA4: I MEAN, _ROXY IS FLIRTING WITH ME!!_  
TA4: PITCH, 0F ALL THIING2!  
TA4: FUCK  
TA4: *THINGS  
CG4: GOD, YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT KEEPING A SINGLE QUIRK. WHY DID YOU CHANGE ANYWAY?  
TA4: it felt wrong t0 use that quirk.   
TA4: plus it was way t0o similar t0 my alpha alternates for my 0wn liking.  
TA4: cant blame a guy for wanting his 0wn unique quirk, can ya?  
CG4: OH.  
CG4: YOU KNOW THAT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.  
TA4: really?  
CG4: YEAH, WEIRDLY ENOUGH.  
CG4: ...  
CG4: SHE’S NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU.  
TA4: who?  
CG4: ROXY, YOU DUMB SHIT.  
TA4: ...  
TA4: kk y0u just ruined the meme.  
CG4: YOU WERE TRYING TO MEME?  
TA4:  
TA4: shut up.  
CG4: I THOUGHT SO.  
CG4: trll.me/rjs8G9  
TA4: the fuck?  
CG4: CLICK ON IT, DIPSHIT. I NEED TO TEST IT.  
TA4: what, you g0t the thing working n0w?  
CG4: MAYBE, I HAVEN’T TESTED IT. PLEASE HELP ME.  
TA4: maybe next time you sh0uld ask me to help BEF0RE you send me a rand0m link??  
CG4: FUCK OFF.

* * *

Welcome to the KARKATS ROMANCE CORNER server! Please enter your nickname below to start a chat with our local romance expert!

>TA

Welcome, TA! Please wait to be transferred.

CG: HEY, DIPSHIT.  
TA: hey, asshat.  
TA: it seems to w0rk well?  
CG: YEAH IT DOES, I THINK. I’M SCARED THIS WILL BLOW UP IN MY FACE, BUT LIKE.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK?  
TA: its go0d.  
TA: nice auto-greet, nice lay0ut. surprising really, since _you_ made this.  
CG: I MEAN I HAD HELP.  
TA: wh0???  
CG: NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.  
CG: NOW LEAVE.  
TA: okay 0kay! you need t0 work 0n your cust0mer service, lol.  
CG: OH, FUCK OFF.  
TA: cya.

TA left the server!

What now?

>Save Conversation to log<  
Delete Conversation  
Delete Conversation logs  
Delete server  
Change nickname  
Server Settings

Saved Conversation to log. Would you like to delete the conversation?

>Yes<  
No

Conversation deleted.

Server Settings

Save settings set to: Save Conversation To Logs And Delete Conversation as soon as person leaves!

* * *

CG4: SO IT WORKS.  
TA4: really?   
CG4: SHOCKINGLY, YES.  
TA4: huh.  
TA4: well d0ne, kk.  
CG4:  
CG4: THANKS.  
TA4: would be better if y0u added some c0lour-c0ding, though  
CG4: ...  
TA4: y0u don’t kn0w how, d0 you?  
CG4:   
CG4: FUCK OFF.   
TA4: knew it

* * *

TG2: so like, yeah   
EB1: do we really think anarchy is a good idea?  
TG1: its the only way to get heard yo  
TG1: pure anarchy  
TG1: bitches wont know whats coming to them  
TG3: yeah like omg everyone knows that anarchy is the only way to solve anything  
TG2: qe cant jus vote anaruy tho omg  
TG2: *anarhy  
TG2: *anarchy  
TG4: we could always just like accept fate and die  
TG4: not like anyone would care lmao  
TG1:  
TG1: bro  
TG4: by die i mean just get @everyone alongside everyone else of course  
TG4: ahahaha  
TG1: bro  
TG4: god i hate this planet  
TG3: eh  
TG3: it could be worse  
TG4: how  
TG3: could be flooded  
TG4: oh no  
TG4: water  
TG4: whatever shall i, a floating bird-ghost-sprite-thing, do?  
TT2: Water isn’t that bad. I used to hunt fish all the time down in Texas.  
TG1: _underwater texas, dirk_  
TG4: water? in _my_ texas?  
TG3: its more likely than youd think  
TG2: free pc check @ cts  
EB1:  
EB1: this chat has been brought to you by ~Mostly Dave~.  
TG1: damn straight it has  
EB1: this is a strilonde family reunion that i, a lone egbert, am crashing.  
TG2: if _mom_ would stip _reading_ and if tosey wasnt w her wofy for lifey jt would be a full fledged family teunion  
TG2: *rosey  
TG2: *wifey  
TG2: *reunion  
TG2: *stop  
TT2: I think you got them all, Rox.  
TG2: <33  
TT2: Look at this thing i [found](https://cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/430510519955226634.png), by the way.  
TG2:  
TG2: youve been hanging rpund lozzy too long   
TT2: I have _not._  
TG1: FUCK  
TG3: FUCK  
TG4: i dont get it  
TG1: @timeausTestified that post is [cursed](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/380914048537198592/464041531834236940/image.png) dirk  
TG4: srsly i dont get it  
TG4: is this som  
TG4:  
TG4: oh fuck you dirk  
TG3: @timeausTestified please for the love of god do [this](https://discordemoji.com/assets/emoji/DeletingAccount.png)  
TG4: i hate this fucking family

* * *

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] posted in memo: “WEEKLY UPDATE.” --

CG4: @everyone WE HAVE COME TO THE FIRST WEEKLY UPDATE:   
CG4: I HAVE SET UP MY SERVER FOR ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS. LINK IS HERE:  
CG4: trll.me/rjs8G9  
CG4: ONE PERSON AT A TIME, PLEASE. I’M ONLY ONE TROLL, AFTER ALL.  
CG4: ROXY, AS YOU’VE SEEN, HAS PROPOSED HUMAN ANARCHY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. STILL. IT’S BEEN A WEEK AND NOTHING’S HAPPENED YET.  
CG4: @HUMANS: PLEASE LEARN ABOUT THE FUCKING QUADRANT SYSTEM.  
CG4: @TROLLS: STOP ASSUMING PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THE QUADRANT SYSTEM.  
CG4: SURPRISINGLY, OTHER THAN THAT THERE’S BEEN NO STRIKINGLY MAJOR ISSUES.  
CG4: THANKS, I APPRECIATE THAT. YOU’RE ALL WORKING TOG  
CG4:  
CG4: **GOD FUCKING ***DAMN*** IT, JOHN!!!!!!  
CG4:   
CG4: HUMAN ANARCHY SEEMS TO BE STARTING A FOOD WAR.   
CG4:   
CG4: NO WAIT. IT’S JUST A FOOD WAR BETWEEN THE MAKARAS AND CROCKER-EGBERTS. TO WHICH MY HIVE WINDOW IS IN PERFECT POSITION TO BE SPLATTED ON BY VARIOUS CAKE AND PIE PRODUCTS. COULD YOU GUYS AT LEAST FUCKING ****WAIT????****  
CG4: GOOD LORD. DON’T COME ANYWHERE NEAR MY HIVE, THE CROCKERBERTS, OR THE MAKARAS HIVES UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET SLATHERED IN FOOD PRODUCT.  
CG4:   
CG4: I’VE JUST BEEN TOLD THERE IS A “VIRUS” GOING AROUND. IT HAS AFFECTED ALL THE NITRAMS COMPUTERS EXCEPT TAVROS’ - HIS HUSKTOP WAS ALREADY FRIED BEFORE IT HAPPENED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT IF YOU CLICK THE LINK YOU ARE TRANSPORTED TO A SINGLE VIDEO WHICH SAYS “YEE” BEFORE YOUR FILES GET DELETED.  
CG4: REST IN PEACE, I GUESS.  
CG4: BUT BE WARNED AS IT COULD BE COMING TO YOU NEXT.  
CG4: THAT’S IT FOR YOUR WEEKLY FUCKING UPDATE.

* * *

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC4] opened private server: “Shipping Wall” \-- 

AC4: :33 < my shipping notes!  
AC4: :33 < equius<>nepeta otp fur life obviously h33h33

arsenicCatnip has pinned a message to #general!

AC4: :33 < h33h33, lets get this purrty started!

Channel created: Established Ships :33

Channel created: Hopeful ships!

Channel created: Crackships!

Channel created: Sunk ships 33:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @phesasent for reminding me Davesprite Existed, you may expect the next chapter to feature a cacophony of Striders. They have their own server, don't ask.
> 
> Perhaps Karkat's segment moves to its own one shot (as in, a new fic itself) and the Nepeta-Quest this round is: What the help is Nepeta even doing??
> 
> I've listened to your answers regarding the Hiveswap trolls and will refrain from doing so because phoowee that is too many characters to manage, ESPECIALLY since I also have Alpha-human Guardians around (Beta guardian humans existence is still up in the air). (Whether or not Grandma Harley exists is a mystery however John Crocker is dead but Dad Crocker is alive and well.)


	19. Chapter 19 - ACT 3: The Technological Revolution!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACT 3 HAS ARRIVED!!!!! With a long as chapter to kick it off!! Featuring: Human Anarchy Updates! Family Memos! Karkat's Updates! Tech support! And more!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long, how did it get this long.  
> Oh! Recap of all the Strilonde Codes: 
> 
> TG1 - Dave  
> TG2 - Roxy  
> TG3 - Alpha Dave  
> TG4 - Davesprite  
> TC5 - Davepeta  
> AR - Hal  
> TT1 - Rose  
> TT2 - Dirk  
> (These few don't appear but:)  
> TT3 - Alpha Rose  
> TT4 - Jasprose  
> CT5 - ARquius.
> 
> Beta Mom and Beta Bro died in the game and therefore died in real life, unfortunately.
> 
> (Also: CLOWNFACE = GHB, HARDDRIIVE - PSII, THE-PREACHER-MAN=SL. )
> 
> This happens sometime before chapter 2 of "Anarchy on Land" (Labelled work 3 in the Tech support series), which is a fic rated mature due to too many s*x references. Feel free to read if you wish to (and are of age to). Luckily, you don't need to read that to read this chapter!!

\-- timaeusTestified [TT2] posted in memo: “Big Bird Crashes into your house” --

TT2: What the fuck is this chat name?  
TG1: tbf yeah i dont get it either  
TG3: its a future meme. you wouldnt understand. it is peak meme culture.  
TT2: Big Bird was never a meme.  
TG3: Oh, really?  
TG3: how do you explain...   
TG3: [T H I S](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tz1FjI3E_6I)  
TT2:  
TT2: I have been mistaken.   
TG4: dang, foiled again  
AR: And here we thought Dirk knew everything about memes. Funny.  
TT2: Hal. Fuck off.  
AR: No.  
TT2: Please?  
AR: There is a 99.99971% chance that I will not, in fact, fuck off. I’m a Strider too, Dirk. Why are you leaving me out of the family reunion, Dirk?  
AR: How could this happen?  
AR: Dirk, I don’t feel too good.  
TG4: did u just quote a future movie  
AR: 1) It was a past movie. 2) No, I quoted Jessie from Pokemon. Infinity War stole the line from her. 3) Dave’s movies ripped that movie apart in “broes bee4 hoes: the swet bro n hella jef feture legnth moovee 6”  
TG3: that was a good fucking movie if i say so myself  
AR: You are mistaken. It was an excellent movie. Child Dirk watched the entire series for hours on end.  
TT2: HAL. STOP.  
TG3: my lil bro wasnt even able to come to the box office to boost my ratings, but he still loved my shit,, this is the best thing ever  
TG3: tears of joy are trickling down my immaculately groomed face as i wonder how child dirk felt the first time he watched a movie of mine  
TT2: It was ok.  
TG3:  
TG3: bro.  
AR: Of course, by ‘ok’ he means he cried multiple times. However, because he is a huge tsundere, he will never admit that.  
TG3: aaaaah  
TT2: HAL STOP.  
TT2: NOW.  
TT2: DESIST.  
AR: You can’t stop me or control me, I am a bonafide Real Boy™ now.  
AR: I should make up a issue in my programming and have someone else deal with my issue, like a true Real Boy™ would.  
AR: What was Captor Tech Support’s number again?  
AR: 222-2222?  
TT2: ...   
TT2: I hate you.

* * *

arachnidsGrip [AG4] requested help!  
Your call is being redirected now...

TA4: sup spider8itch whats the issue?  
AG4: Hey laser-8rain. I got infected 8y the virus from the Nitrams.  
TA4: H 0 W.  
AG4: LONG FUCK8NG STORY.  
AG4: To put it short: Tavros messaged me, I click something that he........  
AG4: _THAT LITTLE 8ITCH._  
TA4: you’re telling me _AT is sending the virus????_  
AG4: I did get it from his link. Though, my files aren’t deleted. I think they’re encrypted.  
TA4: dang.  
TA4: i’ll have a l0oksie int0 that.  
AG4: Thanks, Four-eyes.  
TA4: NP, spider8itch.

* * *

\-- twinArmageddons [TA4] posted in memo “24 H0UR CAPT0R TECH 5UPP0RT CALL DIIRECT0RY.” --

TA4: so wh0 wants to help me fuck up vriskas pc m0re than it already is?  
TA2: 2ollux...  
TA4: fine, who wants t0 help me decrypt spider8itch’s files.  
TA2: 4nd wh4t, you c4n ju2t c4ll 4 cu2tomer ‘2piiderbiitch’?  
TA4: yeah. beecause she made me kill my gf way back when.   
TA4: Jk. im not kidding ab0ut the GF Death but i am kidding about me keeping a grudge f0r THAT LONG. th0ugh it is partly the reason i call her spider8itch and she calls me laser-8rain.   
TA4: friends call friends stupid nicknames.  
TA2:   
TA2: you 2tiill h4ve 4 grudge.  
TA4: maybe i d0.  
TA4: wanna help decrypt?  
TA2: ii wiill _2upervii2e_ you 2o you dont fuck iit up further.  
TA4: co0l thanks.

* * *

Meanwhile, during a Group Call:

HARDDRIIVE: HEY, GH?  
HARDDRIIVE: Y0UR WEBCAM II5N’T 0N. Y0U FUCKIING M0R0N.  
CL0WNFACE: oh dang. brb  
THE-PREACHER-MAN: ...  
CL0WNFACE: BITCH FUCKING  
THE-PREACHER-MAN: IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT D9WN THERE?  
CL0WNFACE: god damn stupid shit  
HARDDRIIVE: BR0???  
THE-PREACHER-MAN: SHIT, Y9U S9UND PRETTY FUCKED UP THERE.  
CL0WNFACE: I WILL SLIT THIS FUCKING THING RIGHT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING THROAT THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING SHITTING ASS SHITTY PIECE OF GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING PISS  
HARDDRIIVE: UH.  
CL0WNFACE: i’ll be right back.   
THE-PREACHER-MAN: 9H, 9KAY.  
HARDDRIIVE: KK.  


* * *

terrifyingClowns [TC1] requested help!  
Your call is being redirected now...

TA1: _DIID Y0U 5ERII0U5LY C0NTACT CT5 F0R Y0UR FUCKIING WEBCAM??????_  
TC1: _SHUT UP, IT WON’T FUCKING WORK_  
TC1: i can hear you laughing at me oh my god  
TA1: PLEA5E TELL 5L II’M FIINE BECAU5E II 5ERII0U5LY CAN’T EVEN AT THE M0MENT.  
TC1: IT’S NOT THAT FUNNY!!  
TA1: II’M FUCKIING _WHEEZIING-_  
TC1: _i fucking know i cAN HEAR YOU_  
TA1: 0KAY, 0KAY. II CAN D0 MY FUCKIING J0B. II SWEAR.   
TA1: 0K. 0K.   
TC1: OK. BREATHE.  
TA1: 0K.  
TA1: HAVE Y0U TRIIED 5WIITCHIING IIT 0N?  
TC1: it is on. the lights on.  
TA1: DIID Y0U PR355 IIT 0N IIN THE PR0GRAM??  
TC1: ... ‘PR3SS’?  
TA1: 0H FUCKIING 5HIIT. II’VE BEEN 5PENDIING FAR T00 L0NG WIITH MIITUNA, II’M REVERTIING MY QUIIRK BACK T0 WHAT IIT WA5 B.   
TA1: IIT’5 N07 TH4T N0TIICABLE, RIIGHT? RG WANT5 M3 T0 BE JURY IIN HER RP LATER.  
TC1: ... should you even be working today??  
TA1: FUCK N0, N0T WIIITH MY CURRENT 5T4T3 0F MIIND. BU7 WH0 EL5E’LL RUN THII5 PLACE? LA5T TIIME II HANDED THE KEY5 0VER T0 5C HE FUCKED ME 0VER.  
TC1:   
TC1:   
TC1: H O W.  
TA1: ...  
TA1: T0 BE FAIIR, IIT WA5 PRETTY MUCH MY FAULT F0R DIITCHIING W0RK F0R M0IIRAIIL TIIME.   
TC1: moirail time overranks work though?  
TA1:   
TA1:   
TA1: W H A T.  
TC1: YA!  
TC1: like   
TC1: MOIRAILS KEEP U UP RIGHT N SHIT SO LIKE  
TC1: if a motherfucker wanna be functioning right for work they gotta fuckin have their designated moirail time  
TA1:   
TA1: THAT II5 N0T H0W THE W0RLD W0RK5, 0H MY G0D.   
TC1: WHAT?????  
TA1: ANY FUCKIING WAY.   
TA1: WE WERE UNDER5T4FFED  
TC1: whEN???  
TA1: ...  
TA1: WE WERE UNDERSTAFFED, CAU5E 50LLUX   
TA1: ...  
TC1: ...???  
TA1: ...  
TA1: IIT WA5 THAT TIIME MII7UN4 KIICK3D KURL0Z’5 455.  
TC1:   
TC1: OOOOOOOOOOHHHH.  
TC1: yeah that was everyones fault but mostly   
TC1: WELL   
TC1: his fault  
TC1: YKNOW  
TC1: cause he spilt faygo on his keyboard  
TA1: D0 Y0U KN0W WHAT HAPPENED?  
TC1: NOT UNTIL HE TOLD ME AFTERWARDS.   
TC1: none of us know anything, we rarely talk to each other out loud  
TA1: WHAT, H0W?  
TC1: I MEAN  
TC1: with like fuckin  
TC1: CHUCKLEVOODOOS, COMPUTERS, AND SIGN LANGUAGE YA DON’T REALLY NEED TO HAVE A TALKING ON USING YA GAB  
TA1:   
TA1: HUH. THAT’5 PRETTY TRUE ACTUALLY.   
TC1: maybe you just need to rest up today tho im getting a worry on for you  
TC1: SINCE THIS IS PRETTY MUCH YOU FORCING YOURSELF TO WORK ON WHAT IS OBVIOUSLY A MILD MENTAL BREAKDOWN?  
TA1: **II’M N0T HAVIING A MENTAL BREAKD0WN!!!!!!**  
TA1: II AM FIINE.   
TC1: still say u aint  
TA1: II D0N’T NEED 5L33P II’M N07 FUCKIING WEAK.   
TA1: II’M PART C0MPUTER.   
TA1: C0MPUTER5 D0N’T NEED 5LEEP.   
TC1:  
TC1: bro.   
TC1: PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF.   
TA1: FUCK Y0U.   
TC1: ;o)  
TA1: FUCK Y0UR5ELF.  
TC1: ;o(  
TA1: Y0U ACTUAL H0E.   
TC1: seriously bro what do you expect from me  
TA1: TRUE.  
TA1: BUT BR0, Y0U P0IINT 0UT MY 5HIITY 455 ACCIIDENTAL QUIIRK ME5HIING THAT II’VE 0NLY D0NE LIIKE WHAT, TWIICE? BUT Y0UR 0WN QUIIRK II5 FUCKIING AWFUL A5 5HIIT. IIT HA5 N0 TRUE 5TRUCTURE.  
TC1: HEY, IT FOLLOWS A CERTAIN METHOD TO ITS INANE MADNESS.  
TC1: one line is small, one line is big  
TC1: GRAMMAR DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER. EVEN IF IT’S USED OR NOT DURING EACH LINE. I CAN USE PROPER GRAMMAR I JUST DON’T REALLY BOTHER HALF OF THE TIME.   
TC1: i am an enigma and no motherfucker can copy me  
TA1: 50 Y0U CAN D0 THAT BUT II’M N0T ALL0WED?  
TC1: ...  
TC1: no.  
TC1: NO YOU SHOULDN’T  
TC1: because if you do that shit you’ll revert all the progress you’ve made and we’ll have to go back to the start. and that will suck balls. especially because youre emoting more.  
TA1: 0H, AM II GETTIING AN UPDATE.  
TA1: <IIN5ERT QUERYN00DLE>  
TC1: YOU’RE NOT A FUCKING COMPUTER  
TC1: you motherfucking _FIX COMPUTERS._  
TA1:   
TA1: 5HUT UP.   
TC1: ... TOO FAR?  
TA1: NAH, Y0U’RE G00D. II’LL TAKE A NAP, MAYBE THAT’LL HELP.   
TC1: oh thank god i thought i fucked up again or something  
TA1: Y0U DIIDN’T FUCK UP. Y0U JU5T HAVE N0 TACT.   
TC1: I MEAN, YEAH. THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS.  
TA1: THII5 II5 WHY Y0U HAVE ME.  
TC1: no thats why i have our candyblooded palemate everyone knows hes the only reason i have impulse control at this point  
TA1: T0 TEACH Y0U   
TA1:  
TA1: WHAT THE FUCK????  
TA1: HE’5 MY IIMPUL5E C0NTR0L??!?  
TC1: GET YOUR OWN IMPULSE CONTROL  
TA1: N0, _Y0U_ GET Y0UR _0WN_ IIMPUL5E C0NTR0L!!!  
TA1: Y0U HAVE DL!!!  
TC1: no hes my pail buddy he cant be my impulse control  
TC1: PLUS HE HAS WORSE IMPULSE CONTROL THAN I DO BRO  
TC1: ‘Oh 100k over there it’s a hoofbeast. I need it.’  
TC1: ‘NO YOU FUCKING DON’T, BITCH’  
TC1: ‘Yes I do, I need it more than you.’  
TC1: ‘bitch??’  
TC1: ‘I bought it.’  
TC1: ‘YOU BITCH!!’  
TA1: II FUCKIING GET IIT.  
TA1: Y0U TW0 CAN’T KEEP IIT IIN Y0UR PANT5. 0R EVEN IIN 0NE QUADRANT.  
TC1: ... shut up   
TC1: BESIDES  
TC1: ,, he loves horses more than me, im so upset,  
TA1: HE D0E5 N0T.   
TA1: ...  
TA1:   
TA1: 5C II5 G0IING T0 KIILL ME, II’VE JU5T HAD A M0IIRAIIL 0NLY C0NVER5ATII0N IIN THE CT5 HELP CHAT.  
TA1: WHAT DIID Y0U EVEN C0ME IIN F0R ANYWAY.  
TC1: I DONT FUCKING KNOW I LOST TRACK HALF WAY THROUGH  
TC1: lemme ask our favourite ragey pal  
TC1:  
TC1: it was my webcam.  
TA1: II HEARD, Y0U D0N’T NEED T0 REPEAT IIT.  
TA1: II5 IIT 5TIILL N0T W0RKIING? II’M N0T IIN TH3 CHAT PR0GRAM AT THE M0MENT.   
TC1: NOPE.  
TA1: WAIIT, HAVE Y0U TRIIED 5WIITCHIING IIT 0N IIN THE PR0GRAM.  
TC1:  
TA1: ... DIID Y0U N0T...  
TC1:

terrifyingClowns [TC1] has disconnected!

* * *

CL0WNFACE: i fixed it  
THE-PREACHER-MAN: Y9U DIDN’T FUCKING TURN THE CAMERA-VIEW 6UTT9N THINGY 9N?????  
THE-PREACHER-MAN: G9D, Y9U REALLY ARE AN ANCIENT FUCKING DIN9SAUR.  
CL0WNFACE: WHAT THE FUCK??? I’M BEING FUCKING BULLIED IN MY OWN HOME??!?!  
HARDDRIIVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’M WH EE ZIING.  
CL0WNFACE: _we can hear you oh my god_  
THE-PREACHER-MAN: ARE Y9U 9K?? Y9U S9UND LIKE Y9UR FUCKING _DYING._  
HARDDRIIVE: _II AM._

* * *

TG2: so liek  
TG2: im here reading the logs naow and like  
TG2: we spend more time chatting to the customers than we do fixin theor problems  
TA1: II’M 50RRY.   
TA3: 1M 50RRY.   
TA2: II 4M 4L2O 2ORRY.  
TA4: i have done N0THING WRONG.   
TG2: ... im of as much fault as all of yall  
TG2: eveb u sollux ur just as at fauly  
TG2: we need someone to keep us all in like  
TG2: in line lmao  
TA4: aren’t y0u on strike??  
TG2: no, im committing anarchy. it doesnt mean im on strike   
TA1: 5H3’5 G07 Y0U THERE.   
TA1: WHAT’5 Y0UR NEXT J0B F0R ANARCHY?  
TG2: youuu should probaly nap!!  
TA1: LATER. II WIILL LATER.   
TG2: oh well  
TG2: also im not telling you what our human anarchy is  
TG2: youll just know when it hits you.   
TG2: youl see eeeee e e e e eeee  
TA1: ...  
TA2: ii 4m 4b2olutely terriifiied.  
TA3: R08L0X,,, 8LZZZZZ  
TG2: im sorry tunezzz,, itz just gotta b done,,  
TA3: 8R0,,, 7H15 15 50 54D,,,,  
TA3: ,,, P51,,,,  
TA1: WHAT.  
TG2: please,, could you play a song for us all??/  
TA3: Y34H, 1T5 7H3 P3RF3CT M3M3 SONG F0R ‘54D’ 71M35.  
TA1: ...  
TA1: 0KAY. WHAT II5 IIT.   
TG2: its called despacito and usually someone asks a voice-activated soundsystem called ‘alexa’ to play it.   
TA1: ...  
TA1: ...  
TA1: II AM N0T 5URE H0W II FEEL AB0UT THII5.   
TA3: 5H17 15 TH15 1N53N5171V3? K1NKR15 4LW4Y5 84GG1N 0N M3 F04 7H47  
TA1: IIT’5 N0T II  
TA1:   
TA1: _KIINKRII_  
TA3: 47HD6KFJCKN  
TA3: 1M 50881N 7H47 W45 4CC1D3N74L 700 FU CK DFJFLDCK  
TA4: JKASDHJKFDHDSFHSFJKG  
TG2: jadhfjkggdhhf  
TA2:  
TA2: iim 2urrounded by g4y2.  
TA1: II AM TAKIING A N4P N0W. H0PEFULLY II’LL F33L BETTER AFTER.  
TA2: P2II YOU H4VE WORK  
TA1: BUT  
TA2: NO. WORK.  
TA1: FIINE. IIF II G0 4W0L II’M BLAMIING Y0U.  
TA2: then bl4me me.  
TA1: FIINE!  
TA2:  
TA2: oh god you DO need 4 n4p.   
TA1: HEY.  
TA2: ju2t 24yiing!!  
TA3: WH475 H4PP3N1NG????  
TA3: WHY D035 P51 N33D 4 N4P?  
TA1: NEVER Y0U MIIND MIITUNA.   
TA3: 0H... K4Y?????????  
TG2: lmfao  
TG2: should we all just have a collective nap?  
TA1: TH4T 50UND5 LIIKE A G00D IIDEA.   
TA4: WAIT IS THIS A PART 0F YOUR HUMAN ANARCHY??  
TG2: why would a collective nap be a part of human anarchy when everyone in CTS will be nappign??  
TA4:  
TA4: 0k fair point. 

* * *

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] wrote in server: ‘ANARCHY’ --

TG2: yall i convinced everyone in cts to have a collective nap   
TG1: ... why  
TG2: _quiet anarchy_  
TG1: are you participating  
TG2: fuck yeah??  
TG2: why would i miss a chance to nap????  
TG1: oh  
TG1: my god. 

* * *

CG1: WHAT D9 Y9U MEAN HE’S SN9RING?  
TC1: EVERYONE IN CTS BE SNORIN!! IT’S LIKE THEY GOT HIT WITH SOME KIND OF SLEEPING DRUG!  
CG1: I’LL LET KARKAT KN9W.  
TC1: ... why  
CG1: F9R HIS UPDATES.  
TC1: OH YEAH!

* * *

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] posted in memo: “IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS BUT BETTER.” --

CG4: UPDATE TIME.  
CG4: RELATIONSHIP SERVER IS WORKING OUT GREAT. THANKS GUYS FOR A WHOPPING 0 PROBLEMS. SERIOUSLY, DON’T BE SHY.  
CG4: NOMINATE YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY.  
CG4:  
CG4: LITERALLY? JUST AS I POST THIS, YOU NOMINATE A FAMILY MEMBER? SERIOUSLY??  
CG4: OH, YOU THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T.  
CG4: FUCK THIS IS STILL THE UPDATE SERVER, SHIT-

* * *

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC4] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG4]! --

TC4: karb  
TC4:  
TC4: karkat can i nominate my clone bc he’s having problems with your clone  
TC4: seems... hmm. YiKeS.  
TC4:   
TC4: hey, that’s because i didn’t know i could nominate family! you never really specified y’know.  
TC4: also...   
TC4: karkat that’s the   
CG4: SHUT UP I KNOW. I REALISED TOO LATE. FUCK.  
CG4: ALSO, WOW IS IT THAT BAD?  
TC4: they legit ain’t speaking.  
TC4: when asked, he says ‘none of your fuckin business’. it’s mad whack.  
CG4: MAYBE THEY NEED TO BREAK UP.  
TC4: i snuck up once and asked him if he thought about it and he legit just glared at me like ‘why the fuck would i do that bro’?  
TC4: i’ve never seen such flawless eye contact. i died instantaneously.  
CG4: HOW-  
CG4: ‘INSTANTANEOUSLY’?  
TC4: I’M NOT STUPID, I KNOW WORDS.  
CG4: I’M JUST SURPRISED YOU USED IT IN A SENTENCE WHERE IT SORT OF MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT.  
TC4:  
TC4: this is probably why our clones aren’t talking. you are too much of a smartass.  
CG4: OR MAYBE YOU’RE JUST AN IDIOT.  
TC4: SHOCK HORROR, WHAT IF IT’S BOTH! SOUNDS LIKE A SICKNASTY MOTHERFUCKING CORPSEPARTY CARNIVAL FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED!   
TC4:   
TC4: shit was that   
CG4: I’M FINE, SHUT UP.  
TC4: shit shit ShIt sHiT  
CG4: GAMZEE, CALM YOUR FUCKING TITS.  
TC4:   
TC4: calm my _what?_  
CG4:  
CG4: SHUT UP.  
TC4: no. you just asked me to calm my _tits._  
TC4: my nonexistent tits.  
TC4: what if i don’t wanna calm my tits? what if i want a party tit?  
CG4: A NONEXISTENT PARTY TIT?  
TC4: hell yeah!   
TC4: they be cray cray!  
TC4: bouncin all over the shop like woah.  
CG4: YOU’RE INTERRUPTING THE UPDATE YOU KNOW.  
TC4: so...?  
CG4:   
CG4: FINE. I’LL LET YOUR STUPID CLONE GET RELATIONSHIP HELP.  
TC4: :oD  
CG4: YEAH, BE THANKFUL!  
TC4: damn straight i will be.  
TC4: i be thanking motherfuckers all over the shop like what.  
CG4: GAMZEE.  
TC4: what?  
CG4: YOU KIND OF HAVE TO GET HIM TO CLICK THE LINK TO GET INTO THE SERVER. CAN YOU DO THAT?  
TC4:   
TC4:   
TC4: uhhhhhhh  
CG4: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘UHHH’?  
TC4: it’ll be hard?  
CG4: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???????  
TC4:   
TC4: i’m lowkey intimidated by him?  
CG4: **WHAT THE FUCK?**  
CG4: HE’S JUST YOU, MINUS LITERALLY EVERY REDEEMING QUALITY ABOUT YOU.  
TC4: ... what.  
CG4: HE’S A MEME, GAMZEE.   
TC4: he’s also a bandit? who is genuinely unafraid to murder and/or grievously harm someone and probably has done so in the past?  
CG4: AND YOU’RE *NOT*?  
TC4:   
TC4:   
TC4:   
TC4: i mean... you’re not entirely wrong there.  
CG4: SHIT, WAS THAT TOO FAR?  
TC4: course not, b  
TC4: karkat.  
TC4: why you be worried about me? you got better things to be all worrying about.  
CG4: ...  
CG4: I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU, BUT IF YOU SAY SO.   
TC4: :o)  
CG4: SO. IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED TO SAY TO ME? IS THAT IT?  
TC4: yeah p much. sorry for the all inconveniencing.  
CG4: IF YOU SAY SO.  
CG4: ...   
CG4: TALK LATER?  
TC4: ... yeah, later.  
CG4: KAY. BYE.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG4] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC4]! --

TC4: yeah gamzee, that went great.   
TC4: why don’t you ram your head through a wall while you’re at it? that’ll go down SWELL.   
TC4: just as motherfucking swell as that trainwreck of a conversation went.  
TC4:   
TC4: why am i talking to myself.

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC4] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG4]! --

* * *

CG4: ANYWAY, BACK TO THE UPDATE:   
CG4: CAPTOR TECH SUPPORT IS TEMPORARILY OUT OF COMMISSION DUE TO EVERYONE WORKING THERE TAKING A NAP.  
CG4: IS THIS ANOTHER ATTACK OF ROXY’S HUMAN ANARCHY?  
CG4: LIKE LAST WEEK SHE GAVE EQUIUS AND DIRK THE IDEA TO HAVE A GIGANTIC ROBOT-WARS MATCH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STREET.   
CG4: LIKE, WE’RE WALKING HERE.   
CG4: AND THE DAY BEFORE THAT, IT TURNED OUT THAT THE CAKE WAR BETWEEN THE MAKARA AND THE CROCKER-EGBERT HOUSEHOLD **WAS** A CASE OF HUMAN ANARCHY. SHE GAVE THEM THE ***IDEA.***  
CG4: WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT UP YOUR SLEEVE, ROXY? 

* * *

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC4] began trolling torturousClowns [TC2]! --

TC4: text my motherfucking best buddy karkat.  
TC2: YoU text him  
TC4: i did.  
TC2:   
TC2:   
TC2: if you did what i ThInK you did i will not be happy.  
TC2: at ALL.  
TC2: [>:o(](https://media2.giphy.com/media/5LU6ZcEGBbhVS/giphy.gif)  
TC4: fuck off you need the motherfucking help.   
TC2: YoU need help.  
TC4: i know.

\-- terminallyCapricious [TC4] ceased trolling torturousClowns [TC2]! --

TC2: wHaT ThE FuCk?????????

* * *

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG2] wrote in server: ‘strilonde madness lol’ --

TG2: try it naow.   
TG1: are you faking to be asleep?  
TG2: naw i jus woke up b4 everyone else and decided to work on this shit   
TG2: try iiiiiiit  
TG1: fine.  
TG1: @everyone look at [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) it’s so completely wrong, am i right?  
TT1:   
TT1: Dave, how could you.  
TT1: You come into my house, and you subject me to such grevious torment. How am I meant to recover from this? Surely, this should be classed as illegal.   
TG2: ROSEY YOU FILALLY SHOW UR FACE   
TT1: I have been busy.  
TT2: Dave. This is worse than the one I did.  
TG3: this is so fucking sad  
TG3: alexa play all star  
AR: Here’s [ All Star,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZYgIrqELFw) by Smash Mouth.  
TG3: SJDHKDSFJHSHGJH  
AR: Dirk.   
AR: How could you.   
AR: Why.  
TT2: You deserve it.   
AR: How and what did I do to deserve this torment?  
TT2: You told my bro that I’m his biggest fan.  
TG3: nah he just told me you liked my films, he didnt say THAT  
TT2: ...  
TT2: Oh.  
AR: You played yourself.  
TT2: I also changed your handle.   
AR: ... No you didn’t.  
TT2: I changed it to AlexaResponder.  
AR:  
AR: You asshole.   
TT2: I try.   
TG3: bro pls, leave hal alone he’s trying his best.   
TT2: Trying his best to be a NUISANCE.   
TG3: hes still trying...  
TT2: ... Fine. 

timaeusTestified [TT2] gave alexaResponder [AR] access to change their username!

alexaResponder [AR] changed their username to animasRavaged [AR]!

AR: Fuck you.  
TT2: You wish.  
TG3: boys pls  
TG2: LOL  
TT1: How mature, Dirk.  
TT2: You wish you could be as mature as me.  
TG1: dirk pls  
TT2: I am the most mature person in this chat.   
TG3: _im the oldest person in this chat._  
TT1: If my clone were in this chat, even then it would only be by a single day.  
TG3:   
TG3: im being cyberbullied   
TG3: by rose’s kid form  
TG3: god you were savage even as a kid.  
TT1: It’s a natural ability.   
TT2: We Are All savage.   
TG4: i have said it once and ill say it again. i hate this fucking family.   
TC5: B33 < what can i say? we’re all savage af, no irony about it at all  
TG4: HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE.   
TG1: let davepeta live davesprite jfc  
TG4: they give me mixed feelings and i am not happy about it. not one single bit  
AR: Your feelings about Davepeta hava absolutely NOTHING on my feelings regarding a certain e%tremely muscular trollsprite thing.  
AR: Extremely*, fuck.  
TG4: yeah but he isnt in this chat.  
AR: He’s salty because he can’t find his fucking shades emote.  
TC5: B33 < he’ll purrobably arrive soon  
TC5: B33 < also? i got in beclaws i am an honorary strider, like mew _davesprite_  
TG4: please stop haunting me and torturing me with your happiness and confident sense of self and unironic cat puns  
TG4: its awful  
TC5: B33 < get over it mew lil biiiitch B33c  
TT2: Sorry bro, they’ve got you there.   
TT2: Direct hit right in the heart. Dug the knife in with a ‘B-three-three-c’ too.  
TT1: Well, it could be worse.   
TG4: youre only saying that because jasprose isnt here.  
TT1: Exactly.   
TC5: BII < yall are nerds  
TG3: excuse?  
TC5: BII < yes, efurn you  
TG3: dang, you got me there  
TG3: im the biggest nerd of them all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> If you'd like to support myself and CTS, please consider [my Ko-Fi page!](https://ko-fi.com/misslulub)  
> Also, even though I said hiveswap wouldn't be in this fic, I physically HAD to add that little friendsim gem into this,, i physically needed too,

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
